Asking a guy's status - am I making any sense?

[rapeday]

Hi everyone,

I'm 24, and I have recently decided that I don't want to live without unprotected sex. I have tried to, but sex without condoms is too important to me and when I try and live without it, it feels like I'm not living at all. Anyway, I have spent the last while accepting that I want to be as slutty as I possibly can, and accepting that some day I might end up with HIV.

I say 'might', because I'm really just interested in giving blowjobs. I have been fucked before, but I find it painful and generally unpleasant. Maybe in the future things will change, but for now I'm limiting myself to sucking dick, and I feel okay about that, especially since it lowers my chances of getting HIV. I'm not a bugchaser, I just really really like unprotected sex.

Something I've been thinking about is whether or not to ask guys if they're clean before we do stuff. The first thing I want to say about this is, I'm not naive. I will be getting most of my loads from saunas, and I understand that a lot of guys don't tell the truth about their status. However, some guys do, even if they're in a very small minority, and I think that by asking this question, and opting not to do stuff with a guy if he tells me he's not clean, I will be able to reduce my chances of getting HIV and other STDs, if just by a bit.

I suppose I'm trying to achieve a balance that I feel okay with. I don't want to screen all of my partners and ask to see evidence of when their last test was and shit like that, before we do anything. I really really want to suck dick as much as I can. But within the context of wanting and needing as much dick and cum as I can get, I want to try and reduce my chances of getting sick, and even if it doesn't reduce my chances by that much and just serves to put me at ease, I think asking a guy's status is probably a good thing.

Am I being stupid, or is there some sense in my intended approach?

[rawTOP]

You'll be getting most of your loads in saunas and you want to try to stay neg... Forget about it... YOU WILL BECOME POZ if you routinely take anonymous loads. It's one thing to ask a date their status and expect honesty, but it's absurd to ask an anonymous top their status and expect honesty.

[slowfuck]

If your oral hygiene is good as in no bleeding gums and no throat or mouth infections then I think taking any load should be ok if they are not too rough with throat fucking you. It seem to be when the top is rough and causes abrasions and tears that a poz load can conceivably poz you. Once in the stomach it is said that the stomach acid neutralizes it. As I understand it pozzing becomes more likely, though not certain, where there is an existing infection in the throat or mouth and so an untreated STI will provide the route for the virus.

As RawTOP says, an anonymous top will typically tell you what they think you want to hear. He will be intent on getting off. Asking a guy if he's clean is vague enough to be pointless. Of course they are clean they just showered. A lot of guys could be honest with you to the best of their knowledge, but maybe they don't know. If they know they have an STI but are there and not using condoms will be happy to pass them on to you. Some indeed will likely be getting off on the thought of possibly infecting you. You won't know who is who.

Asking is ok if it helps put you at ease in your own mind, but you still run a risk of STI's. At least with oral the risk of HIV is a lot smaller.

That's anonymous sex for you.

[PissPigBrooklyn]

Yeah as the above is said, ask if you like but understand that some guys are going to lie and some guys are going to honestly not know. (I think this is an even bigger threat than lying.) So you may be kidding yourself but again if you don't have any abrasions or cuts in your mouth (and for God's sake don't brush your teeth within a couple hours either way of giving a blow job) you have already lessened your risk of hiv. risk of other std's however remains.

[Deaner]

Anybody who turns me down because I'm poz, while at the same time accepting loads in anon situations or naively trusting other poz guys who simply say (or assume) they're neg... gets a lifelong block from me.

If you're neg and want to stay that way, that's fine... I'll respect that and make sure I do whatever I can to put you at minimal risk of exposure. But after you convert because of someone who purposely lied to you, didn't even know they were poz, or because you hooked up with someone who you never bothered to ask about status, that's your own damn fault and I'm not going to give you a second look later on.

Most poz guys have regular contact with their doctors about their situation, and many are well-read about how to manage their status and avoid transmission. Very few neg or "don't care" dudes have bothered to inform themselves any further than assuming a wedding ring or "UB2" on their online profile will protect them as well as a hazmat suit.

[einathens]

i think you're being naive at best. might just be a function of your age and relative inexperience.

i also think what you're seeking is the illusion of control over the situation. that way if the outcome isn't what you want you won't have to hold yourself responsible.

[rapeday]

Hi everyone,

Thank you for the advice. I suppose deep down I understand that I'm going to get HIV sooner or later. It doesn't bother me, and I believe that I'll accept it when it happens, but I want to experience as much unprotected sex as I can before I get it. But I realise that when I'm in a sauna and a guy tells me he's negative, it's very likely that he's not telling the truth. You're right, the difference it makes to my chances of getting HIV is basically non-existent.

Maybe the best thing to do is just accept every load, no matter what. It's what I want deep down, and I'm starting to believe my life is worthless if I deny it. It's what I am. Anyway, thank you again everyone for the advice, and if you want I'll keep you updated on what I decide, though I feel like maybe I've decided already.