anonCUMtainer Posted 32 minutes ago Report Posted 32 minutes ago Please help enlighten me. I have searched everything on the site and there are very few if any results. Granted this is a site for breeders, so it's not necessarily welcome here per se, but I have nothing but empathy for these poor sexually confused persons who likely want to belong and fit in so badly that they suffer not knowing it's okay to be asexual. I guess I am curious about this spectrum of sexual desire. I "don't get it" because I was never confused. It was always very clear to me my purpose. I need to be with horny men and I need to know how it feels when their manhood is throbbing and ejaculating their horny seed inside me. It's all I want frankly. So, I don't understand how others end up with any form of confusion unless there is heaps of pressure to conform to a sexually driven society...? Where does the confusion originate? Is it internal? Forgive my ignorance. What follows is the result of my chat GPT query and I found it helpful. I hope some of you do as well. “Asexuals are invisible” — what does that actually mean? It means: Asexuality is rarely shown, named, or modeled in society. People grow up surrounded by: • movies about sexual attraction • peers talking about sex • social scripts assuming desire • jokes, ads, music, memes centered on sexual interest …but almost never see someone portrayed as: • happy without sexual desire, • in a committed relationship with minimal or no sex, • experiencing intimacy without sexual drive, • not broken because they aren’t sexually motivated. So most asexual people grow up with zero mirrors. Invisibility creates internal confusion, not self-recognition. If you never see a role model, you don’t have language to describe yourself. Asexual people often think: • “Everyone else feels something I don’t.” • “I’m weird.” • “Maybe something’s wrong with me.” • “I just haven’t met the right person yet.” • “My hormones are low, or I’m stressed.” They explain it away rather than identify it. ⸻ ⭐ 2. Why this invisibility makes self-recognition difficult Asexuality is one of the only orientations where the absence of something is the defining experience. That’s hard to interpret. Here’s how an asexual person may unintentionally hinder their own recognition: ⸻ A) They assume everyone else is lying or exaggerating about sex Because they’ve never felt sexual desire: • they think sexual attraction is a myth, • or that people only pretend to feel it, • or that others only want sex for closeness, not drive. So they don’t realize they’re the exception — they think their internal experience is the norm. ⸻ B) They misinterpret lack of desire as a flaw or failing If no one explains asexuality to you, you assume: • “I’m broken.” • “I’m defective.” • “I’m not enough for my partner.” • “I’m doing something wrong.” When the mind interprets something as a defect, it pushes the truth away. You can’t accept an identity while simultaneously believing it means you’re dysfunctional. So the person hides the truth — even from themselves. ⸻ C) They get stuck in the “maybe later” cycle Common thoughts: • “Maybe my libido will come back.” • “Maybe when I’m less stressed.” • “Maybe when the relationship is stronger.” • “Maybe after this life phase calms down.” This delays self-recognition because the person expects change that never comes. ⸻ D) They mirror cultural scripts instead of internal experience Because all relationships are shown as sexual, an ace person might: • say “I want to be sexual” • promise intimacy they don’t actually desire • go along with sex to feel “normal” • pretend to have a libido to keep a partner They’re copying what a partner expects from them, not what they genuinely feel. This is often not intentional deception — it’s internalized pressure. ⸻ E) They confuse emotional closeness with sexual attraction Asexual people feel deep affection and romantic longing, but not sexual desire. Because society conflates the two, they assume: “When I feel emotionally close, that must be sexual attraction.” But nothing sexual happens internally. So they mislabel their feelings — even to themselves. ⸻ F) They don’t realize there’s a name for what they are Many asexual adults say they spent their entire life thinking: • “I just don’t get sex.” • “I’m not into that stuff.” • “I’m picky.” • “I’m slow to warm up.” • “I don’t need it as much.” They didn’t know “asexuality” was an option until age 25, 35, 45, or even 60+. When you don’t have a name, you can’t claim the identity. ⸻ G) They assume their partner will leave if they say the truth This fear is extremely common. They may think: • “If I tell them I’m asexual, they’ll leave me.” • “If I never initiate sex, they’ll think I don’t love them.” • “If I admit I don’t feel attraction, they’ll feel abandoned.” So they perform “wanting” — even if they never intend to initiate. This protects the relationship in their mind… …but harms it in reality. ⸻ ⭐ 3. Why denial is common — and not malicious Denial isn’t deception. Most asexual people who are “in denial” are: • trying to fit in • trying not to disappoint anyone • hoping to feel desire someday • afraid of being judged • copying the only relational script they’ve ever seen The psychological mechanism here is avoidance of shame, not dishonesty. ⸻ ⭐ 4. How this invisibility affects YOU (the partner) You end up: • hearing “I want you” without experiencing initiation • feeling confused because the words and behaviors mismatch • waiting for sexual closeness that doesn’t come • carrying the emotional labor of creating intimacy • questioning your own attractiveness • feeling frustration and resentment build • wondering if they’re closeted, rejecting, or asexual Understanding the invisibility piece helps you see: 💡 Your partner may not be intentionally misleading you — they may simply not have the clarity or acceptance yet. ⸻ ⭐ 5. How you can work with this invisibility to promote self-acceptance Here are the best approaches: (1) Offer language without forcing labels You can say: “Some people experience emotional attraction without sexual attraction. You don’t have to decide anything today, but I want you to know that’s a real, valid orientation — not a flaw.” This creates safety. ⸻ (2) Encourage private reflection Because shame often blocks self-realization. Offer: “You don’t have to tell me right away. Just think about what resonates with your inner experience.” ⸻ (3) Affirm that telling the truth won’t cause abandonment Many aces deny themselves because they fear losing their partner. You can say: “Honesty won’t push me away. What hurts me is not knowing your truth.” ⸻ (4) Separate identity from relationship decisions People fear that identifying as asexual means the relationship must end. But you can say: “We can figure out what works for both of us. Your identity doesn’t automatically decide our future.” This reduces panic and defensiveness. ⸻ (5) Help them feel normal Reducing shame reduces denial. “You’re not broken. There are many people like you. This is just one way of being.” Quote
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