"You see, I know I keep saying it, and I don’t expect that any of you actually believe me because it just sounds too much like a fantasy, but when a Top asks me for my ass, I feel psychologically compelled to obey. A man used actual techniques to train me to react this way."

I don't think this sounds like a fantasy - it sounds more like a mind-fuck turned into a nightmare.  

My question is, where is the man that you refer to above?  Since it was he who used certain techniques to instill the psychological compulsion to obey (I'm assuming the compulsion to offer your Breedhole to any Cock in need of it), it is his responsibility to also "filter" this compulsion, removing spurious/dangerous "advances" and requiring your Hole to service serious ones.  Perhaps he sensed your Calling before you realized it, and helped you overcome extraneous conditioning that interfered with your innate needs. (i.e. cultural, religious, etcetera), and freed your thought-process of these regrettable influences.  Perhaps he wasn't quite so high-minded, and enjoyed the manipulation.  I have no idea.  But what I do believe, is that man owes you control over what he instilled in your most intelligent mind as well.  If your compulsion to Service is open-ended, events as described above are sure to happen, and if you have no defenses against those who would take advantage of your generosity, then I would suggest that only half of the "gift" the man gave you was actually given.  You also need the freedom, the ability to actively defend yourself from deleterious situations. 

It's like being placed a magnificent rowboat, and shoved out into a river with no oars.  The rocks, shallows, submerged tree trunks are still there, and you have no matching, "other side of the coin" compulsion to avoid them. 

Of course everyone should ideally be generous; feed the hungry, clothe the naked (well ... except in certain, specific situations), shelter the homeless.  That's the Universal Message every human being needs to uphold, without expecting recompense.  Give freely, as was given to us freely. These are uplifting, not "down-dragging" acts.

"So, what is the moral of this tale? I’m not really sure. I want to be able to continue to place my trust in the essential good nature of people; I’m a trusting soul to start with, but if I’m going to achieve my goal of giving Tops the ability to take absolutely anything they want from me, I have to not only remain intimately vulnerable, but become radically more so."

 Obviously, I'm sorry to know what you experienced that night (except for the young man that rang down the curtain for the evening). but I don't think the fault lies with your instincts, however generous they may be.  Since your goal is "giving Tops the ability to take absolutely anything they want from me", that would include not showing up, presenting themselves as something other than what they actually are, any number of deceptive negatives.  I too am generous in believing in humanity's innate goodness. I have been called gullible many more times than once, and I made it my business to learn from those experiences.  That may be positive, maybe negative, but it is also defensive in nature.  I still keep a old altoid box in the car with folding money, since there are beggars at almost every stoplight in this burg.  I support charities I believe worthy,  Friends who need help know they can call me. I recite these things not to inflate myself, but to point out that we can learn acts to defend ourselves from charlatans when we need to.

Maybe you could consider - if the man who refined your innate instincts is no longer present in your life - an addendum to your goal.  Add another phrase something like .... "anything they want from me, provided it's an honest and true need. I exist, my Hole exists to provide for your COCK'S needs, not your psychological deficiencies".  You do clearly owe your Hole to any/every raw Cock that needs to Breed Hole. That's 100% valid, commendable, and magnificent.  But you do not owe unsupervised misuse of your gifts to any ragamuffin who happens by, looking for whatever they can wring out of you. What you don't owe, is being used, mistreated, taken advantage of.   You're just too valuable to waste yourself on other folks bullshit.

It's all about (and this time, in the strictest sense) Cock/Hole/Sperm

@hntnhole - My former Master was not perhaps ‘high-minded’ in the sense that he was trying to help me move beyond some perceived limitation, nor was he, in the strictest sense, driven by a pleasure taken in manipulation. The work he did with me was a matter of experimental inquiry, to determine the extent to which a man could be trained to accept a submissive sexual role to other men and the extent to which that role could be psychologically embedded. He was also interested in the boundary between the threshold of pleasure and pain, and how orgasm was tied to both. You imply that he owed it to me that I end the process in a particular state, but that is not the nature of the kind of experimental inquiry in which he was engaged, and in which I was an informed and active participant.

Had he and I been in a traditional Dominant/submissive relationship, it might be that he would have had some responsibility toward me, but although many Dominants have used me, none had ever collared me for himself, and I did not see this as such a situation. When he finished his experiment after six years, he released me, and I remained as self-collared as I had been before, only now altered by his work.

It isn’t that he left me somehow susceptible to inappropriate advances that could be somehow filtered out; rather, what I face is inherent to being self-collared. In an ideal world, a cunt like me trained to accept any cock would be utilized by a Dominant who took pleasure in being the one deciding which cocks those would be.  But I’ve never had that. I’m responsible for myself, and it’s not my place to choose the cocks that fuck me, but to merely make it possible for them to find my cunt. That leaves me necessarily vulnerable.

When I say I want Tops to take everything, though, I’m not masochistically saying I want to be trampled and taken advantage of. What I mean is that I want every Top to have complete, unfettered access to the deepest, most intimate part of my physical and sexual nature that he desires to satisfy his personal need. My former Master helped me begin to unlock an ability to access this deep sexual reservoir for others to reach into by exposing the deepest core of my orgasm for anyone to play with at a whim. Perhaps it’s true that I have been left acutely vulnerable to predation, but on the other hand, I feel deeply that my best purpose is to fulfill someone aggressive and Dominant.

The only way I could be confident that I could fill the role I now accept as mine without ever worrying about ending up in a bad situation would be to find a Dominant who wanted to actually make full use of me. Even a man simply whoring me out would be a more controlled situation. But at my age, I think the possibility of realizing any ideal scenario is vanishingly remote, and I will simply have to look after myself as best I can.

 I do not, however, regret the change made in me. It is better to know myself and be driven by purpose - even if that purpose is to cunt myself for every other man - than to wander in confusion and doubt.

Good morning ... again.

Obviously, I read/answered a different communication before reading this one.

The above is completely clear and unequivocal, and I thank you for sharing these facets of your journey.  Perhaps it's my deeply held convictions regarding the Leather Ethic that instigated concern in previous posts.  In my experience, I have seen and known a number of guys that put on a collar to announce their submission when they're out cruising, similar to an armband or other "flagging" gear (particularly if they're somewhat "butch" in appearance), and I considered the term "Collared" in the traditional sense.  That's on me, and my apologies.  Some Dom Leathermen believe that a boy should be torn down to his bare essentials, and then "rebuilt" into what his Dom needs.  I have no judgements against that, as long as it's included in the initial negotiations.  I happen to believe that a boy should be built UP to his potential, not torn down and re-built.  You have managed to accomplish that monumental task without the intimate Care of a Dom - without being Collared in the traditional sense.  I remain awed by y our inner strength, honesty, courage and conviction.  Reaching the depths / heights of your convictions - assisted by your former Master - is absolutely remarkable.

Thus, there was a Negotiation, fully and fairly conducted between two men, albeit a non-traditional one.  Whether it was "conventional" in the context of the Leather Ethic matters not one whit.  What matters is, it happened, and each participant was enriched by it.  When I was accountable to those two subs (mentioned in a previous post), both were "conventional" collarings, which placed me in the position of caring for, protecting, ensuring safety) of each.  And I did that.  

Again, thanks for the clarification.  

9 hours ago, ErosWired said:

I think the possibility of realizing any ideal scenario is vanishingly remote, and I will simply have to look after myself as best I can.

I could hardly disagree more.  

(this time, it's all about way more than) Cock/Hole/Sperm

3 hours ago, hntnhole said:

In my experience, I have seen and known a number of guys that put on a collar to announce their submission when they're out cruising, similar to an armband or other "flagging" gear (particularly if they're somewhat "butch" in appearance), and I considered the term "Collared" in the traditional sense.

In fact, I do normally put on my service collar when I go, for instance, to a bathhouse (a nice solid metal band chrome collar doesn’t rust or get moldy from the steam) to signal that I am a submissive, and that I have a duty to serve. I don’t think, however, that it has ever made me look “butch” in any sense of the word. I have found, as I have always been self-collared, that that also means self-disciplined, and responsible for myself in the world. No one has ever taken care of me; I learned long ago how to take care of myself and see that my own needs are met as well as I can. For those who wonder how I have managed to gain such a varied sexual experience and tally up such a record of breedings, it’s because life forces me to be proactive - if I take no initiative, I get nothing. I am alone; no one touches me; if I am ever to feel the touch of another human being, I have to be the one who reaches out. At the bathhouse, my ass may be excellent inside, but outside my body is unremarkable at best, and I have to find a way to at least make others aware that I exist. A bright band of silver in a sea of flesh does that. It is a utility, and a necessity, as much as it is a statement of duty. But it is never a statement of fashion. Frankly, I have no idea what men think of me when they see me walk around with it on, but it doesn’t seem to repel them. (Some of them even find it useful as a grip for leverage.) No doubt some of them see it and draw the sort of mistaken conclusion you describe - I’m certainly used to being misunderstood, but regardless, at least they noticed me, which is better than being invisible.

For you, then, it's entirely good and useful and honest to wear it.  Circumstances are different for every guy, and how we choose to meet those circumstances is no one's business but their own.  If I were at the tubs, and I noticed a man wearing that kind collar, I'd merely hang the towel on my hard Cock, get in line, and wait my turn to celebrate the mating ritual with that man, hoping that I'd be the umpteenth guy to do so.  At the tubs, I wouldn't be expecting any "traditional" Leather scene, other than maybe the Dom whoring out his Breedboy, which would preclude the wearing of any hides.  I don't wear traditional gear when I hit the fuckjoints.  Actually, the tubs can be an ideal place for a Dom to teach his boy to focus solely on servicing The Cock, since there is so little else for the boy to see in the first place.  One of my buddies back north did that to help his boy "get over" certain hang-ups, and it was an effective training tool.  

I'm guessing that your collar is, mentally, always on your neck, in the sense that your mind is always focused on fulfilling your goal, your destiny.  The physical collar is to announce to the world that you've worked hard to become the man you were born to be, that you're clear and confident about that, Discerning men - men of experience - men who really know themselves, are often to recognize a man of your capacities with or without the balls-stirring optical statement.  

Countering the fundamental  emotional joy of Breeding/Mating with as many of our Brothers-in-this-Life as we possibly can, is the unfortunate restriction of judging a man by his (or worse, our own) physical appearance.  One of the physical characteristics I tend to avoid is obesity, mostly since I'm not swinging a "porn-Cock".  I'm certainly not ashamed of it, and being physically slender, it presents ok, but if I can't get into the actual Hole for all the flesh surrounding it, I tend to steer clear.  So, we all have choices to make, and for our own reasons.  As long as it's honest, not harmful to anyone, helps one focus on what's really important, I'm all for it.  

One last point:  Among your many talents, I rather doubt that "invisibility" is one of them, and certainly not to a man with a horny eye.

It's all about Cock/Hole/Sperm

4 hours ago, hntnhole said:

Countering the fundamental  emotional joy of Breeding/Mating with as many of our Brothers-in-this-Life as we possibly can, is the unfortunate restriction of judging a man by his (or worse, our own) physical appearance.  One of the physical characteristics I tend to avoid is obesity,

I confess that I, also, find obesity an unpleasant feature, and I do not enjoy servicing men who are morbidly overweight. But my duty is clear-cut; if a man wants my holes, they are his. My personal pleasure or displeasure is immaterial, and I can be quite harsh with myself if I realize that I am not doing my best for a man because of his physical form. To my mind, it is perhaps even more crucial that I serve such a man than a man of admirable physique, because the man who lives within that overweight body likely also suffers from a deficit of physical contact and sexual expression - I may be his best chance at getting something every human being needs. 

That, essentially, is why I believe I was made this way, to do this thing - to provide an opportunity for men who have a deep need they find it difficult or impossible to meet. That’s why I turn no one away, not because it makes me feel slutty, but because the next man may need me desperately. My experience tells me that sometimes they do - most often, I find that if I apply my tongue to an obese man’s cock, he’ll coat it with cum in very short order.

I have serviced the old, the disabled, the misshapen, the timid, the deeply hurt, the deeply confused, the lost. I take them inside the warmth of my body and make them the center of the Universe for a brief time, and do my best to show them that they are human, and they are men.

Some of them benefit from this; some of them get no more than they would from shagging any random hole, and that’s fine. That’s also a big part of my purpose, to satisfy men’s incidental need as often as I can. Yet you never know how deeply a man is affected by his encounter - an aggressive, Dominant Top who generally has no difficulty finding ass when he wishes may choose me to breed, and I may find in the course of that breeding that I am able to help him draw more deeply from the well of his primal instinct and connect with something that fulfills him beyond his expectation. If the process leaves me battered, wet, sticky and half-conscious, it only proves that I was the proper instrument for the task. 

Maybe I've become a bit jaded, having lived in large cities all my life.  Maybe I've lost whatever sense of purity I ever had. 

All I can say in reply is, your sense of caring for others is truly enormous. 

You have my utmost respect.