To Growth  

I am lying in bed, thinking about my previous two relationships, and I’ve noticed a pattern—something they both said to me countless times. I didn’t really think too much about it until now.

They told me I criticized them too much.

And the worst part is, I didn’t even know I was doing it. Not until I reflected on it later. Looking back, I can think of a few examples:

on the way they cut their food,

or the way they drove,

or how they approached talking to people.

I remember giving my honest feedback, offering suggestions on how they could do better, how they could work more efficiently. It came from a place of love—or at least, that’s how I saw it. But I don’t think they took it that way.

Instead, they saw it as me belittling them, as me pointing out their flaws and imperfections. Over time, I think it wore on them. Their self-confidence eroded bit by bit. I remember them asking how I would feel if someone criticized me in the same way.

I told them, honestly, I would appreciate it. I’m always striving to improve, always trying to become a better version of myself. Criticism, to me, feels like a gift—an opportunity to grow. I don’t remember how they responded to that. But I can imagine now that it probably wasn’t too well.

I’ve come to realize that loving someone means accepting them for who they are—their strengths, their weaknesses, all of it. That’s been a challenge for me because I naturally want to teach people, to show them new things. But I’m learning that a student is only ready when they decide they are ready. And a good teacher knows when to step back and let them figure it out on their own.

It’s freeing, this shift in mindset. I no longer feel the need to improve people who aren’t asking for it. Instead, I’ve turned that energy inward. I’m focusing on teaching myself, on creating an atmosphere of growth for me. I’m learning to see what I admire in others and letting go of the need to fix what I perceive as their flaws.

It’s not perfect yet. I’m ironing out the kinks. But in those moments when I can truly love someone for who they are—no changes, no conditions—I feel a kind of peace that’s hard to describe. I’m beginning to trust that everyone has their own journey, their own challenges to overcome. And I don’t have to guide them.

They’ll get there when they’re ready.