..At the very least no more fucking nightlies to download tonight. Stupid clear ass internet is slow as jesus.

I might be poz now..

Got tested in october and was neg. Was surprised as fuck especially since I went to a bareback party the day before. The guy told me to get tested again in 2-3 months if I'm active with sex. Fast forward sex slowed down a bit after pride and I don't remember november. Well actually november was stress with wanting to move out and trying to plan that and escorting for the first time. December escorting and wanting to move out is something I told my roomates about and that was less stressful. I had sex more with clients then hook ups around that time frame as well. I got very sick in december. I took a few days off work too. Holiday season was not a fun time. I was sick for a while and stressed so much I did not have sex. Until new years eve.

Went to a club and chatted with a hot bear. His friend was hot too and was kinda preppy daddy looking. After another drink I nearly passed out while the bear was groping and molesting me and fingering my hole and whispering sweet nothing about fucking me raw and breeding me and making me his bitch. Yet turns out, I went home with his friend. We went to a hotel and damn was his friend hot. Especially naked. Huge PA dick too. He fucked and bred me 3 times that night. And three more in the morning without the PA. When I took a shower the next morning I realized there was a little blood back there. Afterwards when I was getting to leave he asked me what my status was and told me it was stupid of him not to ask earlier. I told him I got tested almost two months ago and it came back as negative. He assured me he was negative too.

Fast forward to this week and get texts and calls from him claiming he tested poz and I'm the only on he's had sex with. Sent me test results and everything. He is scared that much is clear. He doesn't blame me since he never asked status and since I was honest about when I got tested. It just diddn't show up yet. That is if I am poz. But with as much cum as I've taken up my ass and as much raw cock as I've had it would be a fucking miracle if I wasn't poz. Fuck there were some nights I had almost 10 loads up my ass and used the previous cum as lube. And I've gone to bath houses and bookstores and just taken raw cocks and loads. I got much more when I hooked up though. So I am somewhat ready to face it. But I have no health insurance so medications might be hard for me to get. And then there's the whole viral load..no way I can have sex with anyone until I am on meds. Especially if it's high.

Besides, I'm just almost completely recovered from a top scratching my hole and the cut getting infected. That was a pain. I don't know if I'm poz or yet but there is a high chance. And also escorting? No way I can do that if I'm poz. Who wants a poz boy anyways. I know I can always have random sex with poz men but still. How much will it chance how people view me and limit me.

But with lack of health insurance and money. If I can't really get the medication than that's basically it. But I'll say this much. If my life really gets lowered that much and things look that bleak I'm going for it. If I'm gonna die I might as well live it up until the point where it's over. I'd rather burn out bright then just fade away from nothing. I wonder if this will chance me to. Will it make me braver, stronger, or weaker.

I'll know Saturday for sure. I just wish I had someone to talk to right now.

I am a little scared. But more scared for the guy who had sex with me. At least with others I've had sex with most were undectable, not caring, or poz. I just need to figure out where to go from here.