losttop
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Everything posted by losttop
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Broke up with my bf last summer and still kind of miss him...although our relationship was kind of toxic in some ways.... I still wish we were together. Have been trying to fuck a lot of ass to get over him.... But feelings r still there.... I also discovered that I had a submissive side with him.... Although I'm a top...we r still kind of friends. I wish we were friends with benefits.... But he doesn't seem to want that. Anyway.... Still love him and don't know exactly why as he wasn't particularly nice to me most of the time.... Guess time will heal it all....
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Heard there was some place in DC that hosts FF party's on regular basis.... Anyone knows name of this place or their website? Thanks guys if u can supply some information.
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I forgot to mention he is 37.... And mamas boy..... Although I'm few years older, that was not an issue.... I just had the job and therefore more money, so I paid for lot of more stuff than he did..... He is also no love god.... He may be a bit out of shape.... But that doesn't matter in my book....he didn't take advantage of me, as lots of times I offered something and he declined.... It is just that he had the tendency to make everything evolve around him....I want it.... So make it happen.... He could also be condescending at times.... Like he was better than me or something.... But this time I was just protecting myself from more heartache as I do still care for him.... But seeing him leave with somebody else while I paid for everything would have left a bitter taste in my mouth.... Also didn't like the fact that he said no to friends with benefits.... Kind of hurt my feelings.... Anyway it's done and over...
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He was too much it's my way or the highway....I had to readjust my roster and make it work the time that he wanted.... True that is time was more limited but still....we had open relationship when we were together and we fucked with others....he wouldn't have bring anyone to our resort.... But for me it would have been strange to c him make out with someone at the bars or c him maybe disappear with someone.... It would have been hurtful and I didn't want to put myself in that position.... My friends found him a self centered prick with little or no consideration. When we were together I felt that he always wanted to be the center of attention and would say some pretty nasty things.... The truth is that I don't need someone like this in my life...
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Broke up with my bf few months ago, but we remained kind of friends on social media and stuff...when we were together I paid for everything including our vacations as he is a student and has almost no money...when he was in distress for whatever reason I would be there for him with long distance chats....as I still care for him, I didn't mind any of that...we were supposed to hook up in Palm Springs for couple of days and have some fun as friends....he told me it would only be as friends and sleep in separate beds.... I thought this was strange as sex had always been good between us....I told him I didn't like those type of labels and restrictions and that I didn't c anything wrong in us being friends with benefits but that I respected his wishes....after that he suggested that he might hook up with some stranger while we were out....I told him that I would find that weird as I still had feelings for him and I was paying for the whole thing....so basically he would maybe be fucking with others and I would pay for it without getting to touch him.... I told him no way...he accused me then of not being a friend and that he didn't want anything to do with me.... What do u guys think?
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I'm not afraid to get back into relationship with right guy...and relationship for me would be open with boundaries of course...it's just just that most of the time It doesn't develop any further as I get bored after having sex.... When I occasionally meet right guy.... I want him to stay and then I love to do the romantic stuff like holding hands and have sex all the time...but that happens very rarely...normally after I shoot my load, I want them to go...and rarely want to hook up with them ever again...
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As cabin crew I travel the world and therefor there is no shortage of hooking up with guys through sex websites or finding guys for sex in sexclubs and baths... The problem is that I get bored after 1 hookup.... Most guys want to hook up with me again.... But once I have fucked them once... I'm kind of done with them. My bf broke up with me not to long ago.... So not sure if that has something to do with it...he was kind of controlling and he did a lot of damage to my self esteem...the truth of the matter is that I love the feeling of being in love and being with someone...it's like a high for me...have a feeling that just sex alone won't do... Need to have some kind of connection with someone.... What do u guys think.... Should I stop having casual sex and concentrate on dating without having sex?
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After end of abusive relationship and having moved to new city I'm still getting adapted to new situation.... Some days r better than others.... But there is still some resentment and hurt feelings... I managed to stay some kind of friends with my ex and we email each other sometimes... Strange thing is that whenever I notice he is hurt and posts something on social media about him being offended with something.... I'm always first one to try to make him feel good and always say something nice about him.... This in contrast to him who put on social media that I was a horrible person and how much he suffered being with me after our break up... The strange thing is that I still care very much for him.... He reminds me of lost puppy....I started slowly hooking up with other guys and enjoying my time.... I still sometimes feel insecure about myself,and I hate myself for it.... This was the man who said he would take care of our social contacts as I was not a very social person.... And I should follow him like a puppy.... His exact words...anyway moving on...
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I was only with him for little more than a year...but there was lot of mental abuse and some physical....I'm a top for 99% of time.... But a lot of times guys assume I'm a bottom or want to top me as I'm 5,8" and skinny built....the funny thing is that I top a lot of tall guys.... Well over 6". Preferably I like smaller guys as I find them more manageable to top. But strange thing is that my ex uncovered my submissive side...I really would do almost anything sexually to please him...guess I need to start to train my hole...
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Using an escort is not an option as I need to be kind of in love with someone in order to bottom... The thing is I kind of get tired of FBs after a while unless there is room for more...normally I will hook up once with u.... If sex is really good.... Then I might hook up few more times...but then I get the feeling of been there done that.... It's not that I have trust issues when bottoming either...don't need surrogate bf either.... It's either in the cards or it isn't...last night went to sexparty where we had to wear masks....was good fun and I fucked few guys...later went to bar where I flirted with few guys and ended up making out with one and going to other more sleazy bar...had a feeling he thought I was a bottom by the way he was touching me...later on he told me he liked to bottom.... And I thought.... Great! So I ended up fucking him at his place... Tonight going to other sexparty...so I'm kind of enjoying being a slut for the moment....till that special one comes along...
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After messy break up where I was left with low self esteem issues and little self confidence.... I'm slowly starting to meet new people and hooking up again.... This all in less than a month...so I'm quite proud of myself! The only good thing that came out of my break up is the fact that I discovered my submissive side...am now playing with the idea of being a bottom sometimes...the only problem is that I can only bottom if I'm kind of in love with a guy...wondering how to go about it as I would like to get into it but haven't bottomed in more than 12 years...so kind of nervous about it...
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Dear rawjock, If u read well.... I'm not asking for any advise but I'm venting....I know that in the end decision lay on our shoulders.... We moved together to strange city only for him to leave me there stranded....which in my eyes is unforgivable.... It's not a battle and its certainly not about winning sympathy votes....it's just amazing that people can be so cold sometimes.... Don't need counseling....just need to get this off my chest.... I will move on.... But it will take time as my trust has been betrayed.... Slowly moving on.... Hooked up with 2 guys yesterday.... But I still don't feel very interested in sleeping with anyone.... Guess its still too fresh.... P
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Slowly.... I'm trying to pick up my life.... The other day I had sex with guy in sexclub...although it was nice while it lasted.... I felt empty and sad when I got home. Won't jump into anything that quickly.... Will keep it simple to only sex encounters for time being and casual dates for at least 6 months.
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It's good thing I have some good friends with who I can vent.... It's amazing but few of them said straight away after seeing me with him, that he looked like a self scentered cold type of person.... Little by little he was taking away all my confidence...he made me feel like he was better than me while I have good job and he doesn't...I am putting myself out there and making contact with other people.... Which is hard for me as I tend to be quite shy when I'm on my own.... Except in sexclubs and sexpartys where I tend to be very much at ease.... Sex seems to work for me like natural drug.... It boosts my confidence big time! He even tried to make me feel fat while I have waist 30! And my t side is small.... I know I can overcome this.... Just wish I had finished it long time ago!
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Was in relationship with guy that kind of changed me....although we were together for only about a year, we broke up several times.... Which is a sign I guess that things r not going to work out. Put a lot into this relationship.... Emotionally and financially.... I went from being this confident no nonsense top to this needy submissive person. Looking back, he was very controlling.... Although we had open relationship he always wanted to know when I had hooked up with someone.... Whenever I showed profile of one of my FBs he would always dismiss it.... Like I could only get unattractive guys and his guys were so much better. He would also criticize how I dressed and behaved.... We would have quite often have problems when we went drinking to bars.... He also has slapped me few times.... Something I thought I would never allow someone to do...find it now hard to pick up my life and move on... I have good job and good friends who stay by me and who always said I was crazy to be with this person.... He does not work.... Most of everything was paid by me. He was also not particularly a love god....he has handsome face, but his body is kind of out of shape.... Nothing of that really mattered as when I love someone the physical part is not that important... As he was very outgoing.... It was very easy for him to make contact with others.... While I'm more shy when I go out with my bf. with my friends I'm much more outgoing.... What hurts me is that he paints me now as this horrible,arrogant,manipulative dismissive person, while the opposite is the truth....am now in new city and find it hard to connect.... Have been having trouble having sex with others and find it even harder to make platonic friends...feel still kind of dead inside.... Hope it will change...as he seems to have moved on pretty quickly which is a sign that he never really cared for me in first place...
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I have open relationship with my bf and with my Fuckbuddies and hook ups I'm quite verbal and dominant... But lately with my bf I'm becoming more and more submissive....I still top him and everything.... But lately he expressed the feeling to become more of a top.... And I'm totally open to it. The truth is.... I feel like I have to reinvent myself.... Although the idea of him topping me turns me on.... I find it hard to relax and take dick.... I used to be vers. But last time I got fucked is like 16 years ago.... I'm more open to tag team a bottom with my bf..... But he doesn't feel secure doing this for some reason..... Maybe u guys could get me some feedback on this matter....
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Being fucked by my husbands brother.... That's kind of where I draw the line.... Bad Jerry springer shows come to mind.... Think u r also confusing feelings with lust.... Two total different things.... Good for u that ur husband and bf puts up with that....ur husband just probably loves u and therefor puts up with it.... Or he has maybe same arrangement going and thinks.... It's all good.... As for the bf....he doesn't have to be involved with u bills wise and can just fuck u.... Like twice a week was it? Sounds like he has pretty sweet deal too.... And u keep believing that having ur hole drip with cum is love...
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I think it all comes down to attitude and being a good fuck....I'm in my mid 40 and fuck 20 something olds to 50 something olds.... Have had lousy young fucks and have had lousy old fucks...ideal age for me is thirty something though.... Have gathered enough experience to be a good fuck.... Have also had 23 and 28 year olds that were incredible fucks..... So it all depends
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Didn't know Arpad Miklos committed suicide......
losttop replied to NLbear's topic in General Discussion
Have done escorting in my late teens and twenties myself.... Started as a joke through influence of a then thop who also escorted.... He said.... U like sex so much.... Why don't u charge for it? And that's how it started.... Did it while I was still student .... And met some pretty amazing people.... Some I would not have charged if they had approach me in a bar.... Lots of so called straight married guys.... Ran into few while they were out shopping with their wife and kids...and some of my regulars became friends.... Not that I liked them sexually.... But def. liked them as a friend.... Even went on some holidays with some.... Condition would be that they would let me fuck guys I fancied.... For most it was a turn on.... -
Didn't know Arpad Miklos committed suicide......
losttop replied to NLbear's topic in General Discussion
Don't think it's surprising....there is lots of drugs going on and loneliness.... It's all fine when u r at ur peak.... But after that u r yesterday's meet... No decent guy wants relationship with u as u have done porn....so yeah.... I can understand that it gets lonely... -
Started out as bottom.... Then became vers. But for last 12 years have been mainly a verbal total top who enjoys to fuck slutty bottoms, with one or two incidents where I bottomed as I was in love with the guy and he was eager to fuck me. Am now seeing a guy that is mainly bottom but also is exploring his vers. Side....it started out that he was kind of submissive bottom who enjoyed getting bred by me and others...our relationship has been turbulent to say the least...have found out that he likes to humiliate me sometimes... A few days ago we had argument and he even slapped me in the face and later he took me to walk in shower and proceeded to pee on my body.... I must say that I kind of got quite aroused by it.... The whole humiliation thing...should I just enjoy it or try to put stop to it?
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I have to agree to u.... Indeed it doesn't sound very nice....I have lived in Bangkok for over a year and I loved the lifestyle there.... Eg my huge apartment with swimming pool and having a maid and never lifting a finger to do anything....while I enjoyed all that I found the men so off putting....It would really gross me out if they would like touch me in sexual way and I can't explain why....a friend of mine said I should have seen it as a compliment.... But I never did. I got angry....at work I have Asian and black friends and I joke around with them.... So I know I'm not a racist ....but I can be like very opiniated about certain things.... Like sex with co workers.... Another thing I could never do....
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I agree with tiger.... U go to sexclub to fuck! Like Tiger I would never go to sexclub with friends..... Would put me off and I wouldn't be able to act like the pig I am.... Although my friends know I'm big whore! Lol
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If I have sexual preference not to fuck Asians and not to do drugs.... Than I guess yes.... I'm asshole in ur strange book.... Lol. Respect other people's opinions!