losttop
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Everything posted by losttop
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Have noticed lately how much I would like to be versatile...have been a top for the longest time but have been having this urge lately to also bottom at times. I know that this would defenitely be something my bf would enjoy.... Although he is more of a bottom I know that sometimes he would like to be able to top me. Am I being selfish for denying him that? It's just that I'm afraid of letting him down somehow.... Any ideas on this?
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He smokes meth but very rarely and always motivated by sex. Obviously I'm afraid him becoming addicted but he seems to control it well. But there r lots of scumbags out there that want to trash other people's lives and that's what I'm afraid of...how well can one really control drug use? I love him very much and accept the fact that he is not like me.... He doesn't have to be either... Just don't like the fact that he kind of resents the fact that I do need more sex than him and me always having to take initiative. But once in a while he does surprise me and suddenly he is very much into hooking up with other guys. I love it when he is like that. Big turn on to c him other tops dick and fucking his cummy hole.
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Those r hard drugs so u can understand my concern...he uses poppers at times but it gives him headache. I'm same.... I just use poppers and sex is my drug!
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It's like he is ashamed at times...he can be a total pig though when he uses drugs. I encourage him to go with other guys when I'm away but I'm also afraid that he meets wrong crowd and ends up involved with drugs. Don't understand guys nowadays...there is far too much drug use in the sex scene
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We have open relationship so that's not a problem. But obviously I would like to be more of a pig with my own bf! We play together and seperately. But I seem to play much more alone with others than he does. It's just frustrating when u want to have sex and someone rejects u or when u try to organize a dirty weekend ur own bf makes u feel like a pervert
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Moved in with my bf few months ago and it's going well except for sex part. I'm a horny top who travels a lot for work and have lots of sex outside my relationship.my thing is that I love to whore out guys to other tops. But since I m in relationship I haven't done it as much due to bit of guilt towards my bf and so normally have 1-1. I also make sure that my FBs know that it's strictly NSA. I love to whore out my bf to other tops but he seems to be less and less interested in this. I also like to use other bottom guys together with my bf. He has more problems with this as he is more of a bottom. For me it's huge turn on to c my bf service other tops but for some reason most of the time he is not up for this and makes me feel uncomfortable about it for even suggesting it. He is much more inhibited when he uses drugs...then he turns into this cumdump that I love! The problem is that I don't take drugs at all except for poppers. I'm uncut and he doesn't like to suck my dick either as he prefers cut dick. Which is bit frustrating as I know he sucks other guys off and takes their load although he does prefer the loads in his ass. I try to suggest having like dirty weekends with lots of sex with other guys but most of the time he is not up for that. I end up feeling frustrated about it as he makes me feel like I'm some kind of pervert or something. Most of the time when we have sex I end up taking the initiative and sometimes he refuses which is really annoying. Sure I could look for other ass but truth of the matter is that I enjoy breeding him and wish I could be more of a pig with my own bf. What do u guys think am I being unreasonable here or what?
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So Whats Your Day Job, When You Are Not Being A Raw Slut?
losttop replied to wood's topic in General Discussion
Flight attendant which gives me the opportunity to be a slut all over the globe. I luv to travel together with my bf and organize sex partys...I luv seeing him get bred by other guys.... Unfortunately he is less and less into it. So I occasionally whore out other guys or have 1-1 hookups. I always feel kind of strange about it.... But as we have open relationship he is ok with it. -
I like to keep my sexlife seperate from my work or social life. Normally for me hook ups r a one time thing and if sex was really good I will put u on my worthy to do again list. Normally I'm very cold and distant with my hook ups. I make sure they know it doesn't mean anything to me. To my partner I'm very different...I'm very touchy feely and romantic... I luv breeding him and seeing him get bred by other guys. He is bit different to me...he can go for a drink or movie with a FB.... Something I cant...
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his best friend has been around longer than I have been...I understand that. I realize now that I have overreacted. We have talked things out.
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I was in strange city and somewhat drunk and couldn't remember address of hotel. I just felt tired and wanted to go to bed. The only reason my bf was eager on going ist the fact that they would smoke some pot. Something I don't do. Don't mind if he does either but I think he should have been more sensitive to what I wanted to do...the fact that he apologized for me doesn't feel right either. I agree that I should be more like going with the flow.... But if somebody should apoligize it was his friends buddy. But sometimes my bf does that.... He behaves like its his way or the highway.... As Im more like wanting to keep the peace I give in many times. His friend does not really care for me. We r polite to each other but that's it. I respect the fact that it is his best friend that he knew before me.... But I just try to avoid him to be honest.
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It was actually New Years day going into jan. 2. Yes I do agree that maybe I was a bit whiny. But it was somewhat ridiculous situation to end up at someone's house while I wanted to go back to the hotel. My bf did try to diffuse situation by making jokes and said that I reacted rudely.... Otherwise he would have insisted in taking me home. The next day we did go out again for dinner and drinks and we all pretended like nothing had happened. My bf apologized to them on my behalf by email before we met. Something I don't agree with as I wasn't the one creating the situation. Before we left I even offered the guy to stay at our house one day he would be in our home city. My bf later then had serious issues with that. I told him I was just being polite and not really interested in him staying. He befriended him on social media. Something I don't really understand. He told me he did that out of solidarity for his friend which I can understand somewhat.anyway.... I think I was just tired from going out late New Years eve and travelLing next day and going out again. Just lack of sleep!
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Moved in together with a guy that I have known for over 2 years now. We spent New Years eve together with his best friend that doesn't like me very much. His best friend was visiting and he hooked up with some guy. Around 3 am we left the bars and this guy that had hooked up with his best friend was supposed to bring me and my bf to the hotel. In the car he decided that we should go back to his place and hang out. As I was tired I told him I wanted to go back to the hotel. As my bf and his friend wanted to hang out he totally ignored me and brought us all to his place anyway. I told him that this was not on as I had told him that I wanted to go back to the hotel. I had kind of fight with him as I didn't want to be there and I was ignored. My bf said that I was overreacting...at around 6am we finally took cab home. I had fight with my bf about it later in the hotel. He told me that I had been rude and should apoligize.i told him that if someone should apoligize it was this guy as he had totally ignored my wishes. The next day we went out again and the whole thing was not mentioned again. I find that he should have apologized to me though...what hurt me most is that my bf has befriended this guy on social media. He told me that he did this out of solidarity for his friend. I feel somewhat hurt about this.... Am I being a baby here or should I be offended about the whole thing?
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Would like to thank everyone that responded to my thread...some of the responses have been truly inspiring and helpful. Although he is an abuser he told me what he wanted...it was me that could a chance and hoped for better result. In the end he took advantage of me with my consent. Nobody can make u feel inadequate without ur consent. It has been a learning experience for sure! I'm just ready to meet that special one and I have to remind everyone that just not everybody will do. Since he left I have hooked up with few guys which has been fun.... Looking for professional issues to help me deal with some of my issues...in the end I didn't love him.... I was just in love with the idea of being in love with him.
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I was actually ok with us being FBs.... But he changed that.... He just wanted platonic.... But I thought he would change his mind.... Which he did.... But I would only get like this 5minutes special where I had to breed him quickly...and when we went out ... We didn't have like spontaneous conversation like friends do.... It was more like alcohol binge drinking....there was no connection.
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I honestly think that he uses me without malice.... I honestly to god think that he is so big headed that he thinks it's normal! I don't want sex with u anymore.... But accept it! He told me he just wanted to be normal friends before coming.... And ultimately it was me accepting his conditions...but of course u r right.... He is a user...he will regret it I know.... As he had it good deal going on with me...good luck with finding another fool like me! He is no Adonis either.... Not that it matters.... To me anyway.... When I care for someone, they can have a belly.... Not looking for perfection as I'm not perfect either...just wanted someone I could have a bit of fun with without the rejection.
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Maybe I'm a bit needy.... The reason I defend his behaviour sometimes is because I always look for the good in people I care for...and always think.... Maybe it's my fault. Trust me.... Wish I had made this up.
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Stay away from liars.. Trust me on that one.... This one isn't a liar but just an abuser....don't really want to play games.... What u c is pretty much what u get from me.... Besides would be hard to refuse to have sex with him when he looks at me with those puppy eyes and says. Fuck me! Know I should but don't think I could...
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I sent u PM
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U have defined it very well! Guess part of me allowed it as I found him sexually stimulating and even enjoyed him being demeaning somewhat.... But it gets old very fast.... Also feel somewhat responsible for guy which I know is ridiculous...no it's better for me to stick with being a somewhat dominant top who likes to whore out his bottom guys.... Went yesterday to guys home for quick pump and dump section.... He had already 2 loads in him...really enjoyed being verbal and using him.... So getting there...
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Of course I like him more than just a FB..... But I would settle for that if things went well.. But it's his continuing disinterest that's annoying... Knowing that he can be something with some of his FBs and with me he can't.... He says I talk too much about feelings.... That I'm like woman.. I disagree... Tops can have feelings too...
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Man I know and I understand... It's just that I wanted things to work out somehow.... We failed as BF then we failed as FB and I didn't really want to just be friends as I know I couldn't handle it as I liked him sexually. It's just the way he made me feel inadequate that angers me... With who I fucked was not good enough.... How I dressed was not good.... He was always creating shit.... When we would go out he would create drama and then blame it all on me....I'm no saint either but at least I take responsibility and admit when I did things wrong. Not going to lie...I still care for him but I can't deal with how insecure he makes me feel by refusing to be FB just like that...
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He used to be my bf a year ago and then we split up...we were FBs for a while but then he decided we would be only friends.... Something that was hard for me as I liked him sexually....I never felt better or worse looking than other guys.... But by him not wanting me sexually, he made me feel inadequate.... I know I shouldn't, as I travel the world and hook up with guys all the time.... But isn't there a saying.... We want what we can't have? Sometimes he would have sex with me...always a quick affair though...deep down I think he realized I was always ready for him and that put him off.... What u can have easily is not that attractive I guess...
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Its still very hard to deal with things since my FB/ friend left few days ago...I have received few emails since he left and it's basically him blaming me for being a drama queen, that I will never have social life where I live as people saw how I treated him. Not once does he take responsibility for any of his actions or behaviour...how can someone not c that it's not ok for me paying for everything if we r not BF or FB....I don't pay for stuff for my friends ,FBs or BFs....never done that before. He doesn't c that it would hurt me that he gladly would go with other people.... But the times that we did something it was almost like a chore.... Saw some of his FBs and automatically I would compare them to myself...they weren't hotter than me.... In fact some of them were simply out of shape and downright a lot older and not hot to look at....it made me insecure....yesterday I hooked up briefly with some guy... But my heart was not really into it...felt even more empty and worthless afterwards.... Not in the mood for having sex at all.... It's all too fresh...a good friend of mine is coming over to spend few days with me.... Should be fun for once.... He is just good friend with who I can laugh a lot and enjoy few drinks....I hope I will be ok... I think I will...
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I never liked paying stuff for others either... I was very much the type .... Today I pay for dinner and next time u pay for it or we split the bill.... Never dreamt about picking up bill everywhere...but I was on vacation and he was a older student with barely any money...it made me uncomfortable when I paid for gas for his car first time... But he was so sweet and had such a boyish charm about him and at same time he was so masculine... That I fell hard for him. Sex was amazing! And he would be always grabbing my hand and tapping my ass .... Something I found so sexy...he looked like total top while in reality he was a total bottom. We used to laugh about the mixed signals that we gave out in bars. The long distance between us was challenging.... But due to my job, I got to c him every month. It didn't matter travellling half around the globe to c him. For the first months I was on cloud nine! We even got rings...I thought he was man of my life. Somehow it changed...he became colder and sex turned to be not as exciting...but I didn't care... He was my baby! I then found out that he had bit of mean streak to him.... He could verbally insult me and behave very coldly...on one trip to New Orleans... We went to this gay bar and there were some strippers... He asked me for few bucks and without saying anything he gave it to this stripper... I felt hurt... He also got his moments where he wanted to top me... I told him I didn't like it as last time I bottomed was like 14years ago.... He told me that if I loved him I would do it. It started gradually, but he became more and more offensive and abusive... He was also colder.... He seemed to get pleasure from hurting me. He would pick fights over nothing...it's hard staying once again in apartment on my own... Won't lie... I miss him... But I know it's for the best.
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That would be nice! But at the moment really not looking for sex...it's just too fresh and I did care for him although I shouldn't...why do we fall for the ones we fall and others barely touch us? I also like younger guys than me.... Preferably late thirties to beginning of forties.... Like them tall and butch! Don't care so much for defined physique and perfect pretty faces.... This last guy was kind of out of shape with a belly and bit of double chin... Still loved holding him in my arms and touching that cute belly and hairy chest... Also loved touching his head an massaging it.... I would then kiss his head and tell him I loved him... That was pure bliss for me! Could spend all day like this just kissing and touching him.
