curiousaboutbb

I am 47 years old. I have lived in fear of getting tested all my life. i have spent many a night in panic and worry over the thought i could be poz. I have been a lurker on the board for some time. I wanted to share my story about not wanting to get tested. My life has been pretty tame. In the 90s until early 2000 I spent a lot of time cruising the ABS sucked a lot of dick always to completion. I only remember getting fucked there once and the guy used a condom. Other than that up until I found the old bugshare site and this site my bb anal sex had only been with partners. Since finding these sites I have like many people thought the idea of intentionally exposing oneself to HIV crazy. Nevertheless I was turned on by the stories and have shot many of loads to them. I have taken more risk having bb anal hook ups and letting people with whose status i did not know breed me. I have even paid a rent boy who said he was neg to breed me. I never had sex with anyone who said they were pos but have flirted with it. Today a guy who claimed he was neg was visiting the city where I live. We had planned to hook up so he could breed me. Long story short I agonized all day about whether or not to do it. In the end he cancelled anyway. I have a lot of upcoming travel with plans to bb. It always makes me anxious. Today while reading the stories i decided it's time I know. If I am poz I am going to stop stressing and enjoy the ride. If I am neg I may still continue on my journey but with different insights. I guess I had fallen in love with and accepted the fact that I could be poz and was ok with it. Tonight after dinner with a friend I went to cvs purchased an oraquick test came home read the direction and took the test. While waiting for the results read some hot stories. My results were neg. I am happy with this result as I don't consider myself a chaser. I do enjoy the thrill of the risk but in the end I don't want to be poz. I am prepared for what may come. Had it not been for this site I don't think I could have made this step. I am not sure what the future hold for me but I am ok with that. Just wanted to share my long journey.