Sunovabesh

Okay, I'm sick, bored, horny, and frustrated. What better off way to set the mood for a good ol' fashion twink venting about his sex life. WARNING: This is explicit, and has degrading language (Just my type). Mind you, as well, that this is a combination of stories into one, because 1: I'm lazy and 2: I just wanna make something to have all you fuckers squirt. So, here we go: Ever since I was young, I have always loved helping others. I helped people with homework, throughout all of High School; I helped people who were suicidal; hell, even helped someone with their marriage at age 16. For some reason, everyone just sees me as a handy tool or all their emotional burdens. Including sex. Now, I lost my "virginity" to a jewish Road Side Assistant guy at 18, through OKCupid. Back then, I was a submissive little bitch. 5'8, 145lbs., big pink lips, long black curly hair, flexible body, and as my gymist would say "womanly hips." Not once, did I ever consider my cock a thing to use in bed. Hell, all I wanted was cock, cum, and some married guy to cry out "You're better than my wife"! However, through a sea of dumbasses and literally being jipped by many, I found out I fucking was TOO submissive. Hell, I don't like money being a factor in bed, but I had to pay for dinner for a daddy, just so he can pick me up, have me suck his cock, and then fall asleep, resulting in me having to take a cab - AND I WAS -4X's HIS SIZE! In sum, I was a kid who was easily taken advantage of. Willing to suck, pay for daddies to notice me, and get the most pathetic of action (Seriously, these guys were pathetic - natural fucks my ass (If only)). That was until one day, I realized that I actually am attractive. All those asshole who didn't want to do much, were just trash. However, with years of cocksucking, I realized I have a certain skill, most can't beat. As you may have noticed, I love me some daddies. I may be 22, but anyone under 25 makes me feel like I'm humping a child. Don't matter if that fuck has cigars and a beer belly - NOPE, NO YOUNGINS'! However, whenever I see a daddy, all I think about are their round titties; their nice tight holes; their musky underwear that looks like panties; and their nice little cocks. As I moved from shit tier dads, I exercised and started looking into being a top. I just simply lost interests in bottoming, and started to get a little more aggressive, playful, and blunt. Through the scenes, I started to fuck daddies, and daddies started to recognize me more and more, which lead to this scenario. On May 11th, 2018 - I realized that me helping students with their homework was a terrible decision. With saving everyone else's ass, I was leaving my ass to not complete school work, resulting in me unable to graduate. Thus, I take an incomplete class, and am doing it now (Kill me). However, when everyone else was walking the stage, I joined my buddy Frank on a camping trip. Frank is a married bottom daddy, who is 5'6, while I'm 5'10. As a dutiful husband, he always looks after the kids, and keeps his wife rich and happy. As Frank got to the Cabin, I drove shortly after, with a sweaty young smooth body, waiting for him. I arrive, and give him a hug, lifting him off the ground and kissing his forehead, saying "How's my little wife doing"? He blushed but begged for my silence. As I helped him carry stuff to the cabin, I noticed another daddy near by - Toni. Now to describe them both - Frank looks like a small version of Doctor Venture from Venture Brothers, and Toni looks like an old Italian chubby cop (He is a security guard at a local mall). Mind you, Toni has never seen me, and I can tell he's the type who says "Twinks are beta, and daddies are alpha - and our cocks are meant to 'Seed and Breed.'" Oh, it's on. As Toni sets up the room, Frank showed me around in his typical pretentious manner, "Oh, look at the lovely atmosphere before us." You could have just said the place looks pretty. I cut the chit-chat and said, "You know, I left some clothes at the cabin - mind if I 'change' real quick"? He doesn't get it at first. A short pause follows. I grab his cock. He finally gets it. We walk up to the cabin, and Toni is outside with the camp fire. As me and Frank walked up the stairs, I looked at Toni with an innocent expression. Toni looks up at with me, leaving a condescending chuckle and head shake, leading to him looking at the fire. Oh, he's one of THOSE, daddies. Either way, with Frank closing the door, I sat on the folding couch. Frank was shyly coming towards me, not knowing if I was horny or not (he likes to be polite as possible). With that, I grab his work-shirt, and have hime sit on my lap. There, I do what I always do - make sure who's the boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm pansexual, and I love all gender identities, but, I do love me some girls. I don't date them because I don't wanna waste my time dealing with "headaches" and "Monthly dues," but, titties and clits get me going. Same with men. I treat my daddies like a I treat girls - with a firm hand, a warm tongue and a hard cock. Frank was no exception. He sat down and immediately turned his head to meet my mouth. I lifted his shirt and rubbed his little hairy tits. I played with his ribs, rubbing his body and sliding one hand on his tits, and another on his groin. The thing abut bottom daddies is that they really like feeling reassured. If they're ever in doubt, just calm them and tell them to give in. Frank was wondering if me and and him were being rude not including Toni. I said, "If he wants to join, there's the door. If he shows up late, well, I can always give him a demonstration on how to use a cock." Frank slightly chuckled as I met back with his mouth. Now he was sitting on my clothed groin, with him rubbing his miniature exposed chest on my sweaty white shirt. I left my shirt, and grab one end of it with my left hand, while holding it in my right. I used that to rope him in to kiss me deeper. Sucking in his tongue, I lick the underside, allowing me to suck his dry tongue. All the while, I dropped the shirt, then played with his tits and nips. I let his mouth go, as I soon devoured his titties. It's easy to impress Frank. Make a few grunts, a few powerful licks, and call him a "bitch," and he's putty in your hands. I suck on his tits and hold his hips down, making sure his covered taint felt my boner. He moaned and moaned as I sucked on his tits. I got up, while carrying him (He weights 145lbs, and I weigh 175lbs) and set him on the couch. I get on my knees and suck and lick his belly button, while pinching his nips, and he just pants and whines. I remove his shoes, his socks, and as I removed his pants, I licked and suck on his sweaty soles. He was losing it at this point, and forgot I do like feet and musk. With a swift brush of the hand, his pants were off, and I immediately went for his cock and balls. Now, here's the kicker, most gay men (at least from my experience) are terrible at giving head. I was sucked by a girl once, and it only lasted 14 seconds, due to her boyfriend getting jealous (Story for another time). However, that blow job was way better than any of the head I received from the 89 men I've been with (Yeah, I keep count). Me, on the other hand - I make LOVE to cock with this tongue. Mind you, he's only 4 1/2 inches, and with that I show him a few tricks. I spread his legs, lay his feet at my shoulders and dive in to the musky heaven, known as married butt and junk. I first sniff his little cock, kiss around the thighs, and lick hard and deep on the edges of his hips, while playing with his tits. His squirming and frustration for the obvious was getting at him, this I start kissing the underside of his balls. 1 kiss. 2 kiss, with some nose. 3 kiss with the tip of the tongue. 4 kiss, with a deep and heavy breath. He was a goner. I suck his cock, and he grabbed my head and tried his best to be macho. It was cute. I sucked his cock, all while moving my neck and back, allowing some movement with both my head on his cock, and his feet and legs, leaving more and more room for his hole to be exposed. With him slightly slouching in the bed, I took both his cock and balls in my mouth, and intensified my movements. Tits played with and your hips moving with a warm mouth, while exposing a sweaty hole? Jackpot. With that, I just gave him a sloppy blow job, allowing my saliva to drip down and make a little puddle of mouth water on the couch and floor. As I was sucking his cock and balls, all I could think about was eating pussy, and just think of his tiny cock a a clit. A tasty one at that. But, I wasn't here for cocksucking 101. I was here to take out my graduation frustrations. I finally pulled out the big guns, and used my middle finger to gather some spit, and tap his hole as I aim my tongue for the weak-spot of most men - the lump between the cock and balls. Kids, if you wanna make a man feel loved - deep throat his cock to the balls, and stick your tongue to beat the area between the cock and balls. There's a lump that feels like a folded envelope, and once a warm wet tongue pressed there, the guy will marry you. I do this, and legs started shaking, slumping down my sweaty back, and hiding his hole. That can't do. I let his manhood free, and tell him to turn around. He delays due to being overwhelmed by both my tongue and the heat in the cabin. As he turned, I got naked and sported my 7 inch cock. With him turned around, and get behind him, and ask him his favorite questions. Me: "You want some cock"? Frank: "Yes, sir." Me: "You want some young cock"? Frank: "Yes, sir"! Me: "You want some young boy cock to fuck you, 'daddy'"? Frank: "Oh God, yes, boy. Breed me." Me: "You're such a horny perverted old man. Needing a youngin' to please a hole. Want to a man? Well, I guess you can start by taking it like one." He Lost his shit when I said that. I bent over, sniffed his loose pussy, and breathed hard. With that, I kissed, made out, then finally licked his hole like it was cake batter. I drove my tongue in every direction with that man. I liked his balls, his taint, and his hole. Spreading his cheeks more and more until I could taste the salty and warm insides of that man. All he can do is beg his "alpha boy" to eat him out. I pull my tongue out, chuckle at his his dismay. Me: "You know, you're a married man. You're supposed to be strong, manly, and actually be on top. But, look at your sissy cock and balls. All you do is take cock like a woman, and beg to be bred like one. Well, as they say - millennials kill everything. Let's see if I can murder your prostate." With that, I dive my middle finger in his loose and sloppy hole, going directly for his prostate. His little fuck-nut it being beaten by my fast taps, and as he squirms, I get under him and suck his cock. While that occurs, his hole gets tighter, and he gets closer to cumming. Good. 1 Finger. 2 Finger. 3 Fin- Can't hold it anymore. I left his hole and cock alone, as I stand behind him. His orgasm is close, and he immediately stops panting, and quick turns to his side to face me. I can tell he wants to cum. I can tell he wants to be acknowledged. To cum. To release. To have this torture be for something. And that is my young, smelly, big cock. I crouch down a bit, and apply some loogies to make his hole glisten. I aim my head, I lower I upper half, and lick the back of his neck as I grip his hips. I slowly drive in the cock into his hole, and pull back for every centimeter I go. I am a top, but, I'm no monster. I slowly get the head in, and keep making out with his naked neck, and and right hand goes for his right titty. I get all the way in, and ask him "You feel good, wife"? He says "Yeeaah." Then I said, "What would your wife think of you, faggot"? And thus I thrust deep. I fuck him with a fast but not piston tempo. He tries to catch his breathe, but the heat of the room overwhelms him. All he can say is "Ohh," "Ummm" "Uhhh." His legs are shaking, his back is hunching, and his hole is relaxed - Yep, he's my bitch. As I fucked him, I imagined fucking him in front of his wife, and just showing how much of a beta he is. God, I'm so fucked in the head. I look back at him and see my 7 inches disappear and reappear within seconds. Then I hear and "Ooo," and a tight clenching sensation around the tip of my dick. I'm at his second opening. He's hurting. Part of me wanted to fuck him even more, but, as a former bottom, I let down my tempo. I fucked him slowly, and he was having more deep breathes and was at a state of bliss. I knew from this I wasn't gonna cum. If I hurt anyone, I can't go any further. I yell at him: Me: "Female"! Frank: "Y-yes"? Me: "Jerk your cock. I wanna feel you clench on this dick." His eyes sparked, and quickly led his hand to his limp cock. I fuck him slowly. Then somewhat fast. Then fast as fuck. I was thrusting where I went straight up the chute, then lowered my hips so my cock and slap his prostate when I pull out. I rub his tits, and he beats his meat, and as in unison - I gripped his tits hard, and fucked him deep - making squirt like teenage girl. I held him tight, and pulled out my hard cock. He breathed heavily, with a limp body. I can tell the heat of the room and him cumming was getting at him. I gently laid him down and kissed his forehead and licked his hole a bit for perverted means. I rushed to the cooler on the other side of the room, and gave him a cold water bottle. I asked if he was gonna be okay. Me: "Yo, man. You gonna be alright"? Frank: "Oh..(huff).. Oh, yeah..(huff).. That... That was too good." I smiled at him, resting his had on my thigh. I pet his bald head and just looked at him as my cock softened. Me: "You do know I don't mean those things, right? Sorry, if I hurt you." Frank: "No.... It was great! Just, it's too big for me." Bull shit. Bitch, you take cock like a spider takes flies. Regardless, I was happy to at least make him cum. I kept him company until I got bored, and left to gather my clothes. He fell asleep, with an occasional sneeze. I left the room to join Toni. I guessed I might as well deal with him, due to him being friends with Frank. Toni was sitting by the camp fire, only focusing on the flames and trying to look cool as possible in his flannel shirt and scruffy white beard. I sat down parallel to him. Me: "So, Toni, huh? Nice to meet you - I'm Nick." Toni: "Nick, huh? Well, I guess it's better than 'Richard,' huh"? A smart ass, huh? Well, 2 can play at that. Me: "So, why not join me and Franky-boi"? Toni: "Don't care. Was busy making this. You seem like the unproductive type for not helping." OH. Okay. Well, fuck you, too. Me: "I would have liked, too. But, it seems like you're used to handling your own wood." His face shot up at me. Bingo. Toni: "So, Nick. Tell me - why would a 22 year old boy join a couple of daddies in early May"? What was this old bastard getting at? Toni: "From having a few kids myself, Mother's Day is around the corner. Doesn't that mean that graduation should be getting close"? No. He wouldn't. Toni: "Seems to me that a horny kid didn't do so well, so he's here instead of doing his homework." Oh, you old son of a bitch - it's on. Me: "On the contrary, I'm just doing a summer class -" Toni: "So, you fucked up, and can only fix shit during the summer. Heh. Sounds like You were too busy reading cues from married men at the bar, rather than reading those books." Me: "Well, riddle me this dying Paul Bunion - why is an old man here, with another man, who so happens to be married. Sounds to me, wifey isn't so special. And to think a father figure like you has such flat knees." He stared at me with fury after that one. Nice. Me: "So, what? You're here thinking you can get some young thing and have him play 'woman' for you? Please." Toni: "You do know women are capable of handling themselves right? For a young man, you sure don't seem progressive like those liberals." Ahhh, a REPUBLICAN smart ass. Typical. Wait, he's republican. Oh, this is gonna be good. Me: "So, one the red team, I take it"? Toni: "Yep." Me: "So, how old are you"? Toni: "49." 2018 subtracted by 49 equals 1969. So, a republican Boomer, eh? And going white so early. 3 weaknesses. I can shoot him down. Me: "So, how old is your eldest"? He gives me a suspicious look. He hesitates. So, there is a story. Toni: "23." Bull shit. That would make him born in 1994/1995. Why would a man who clearly gets off being alpha with boys stay in a shitty marriage and not have a son until he's 26. Even if that's true, why so hesitant? Me: "Well, if that's the case, shouldn't you also be at a graduation party - celebrating your 'oldest' son"? His eyes widened. Got him. I knew his bluff. Me: "Oh, I see. You're one of THOSE old men." Toni: "What the fuck are you talking about"? I grab a bottle of water, and open the cap. Me:"Let's see, born in 69', so by the 80's you would have been in your early teens. There, you, a republican must hav been in a small town. Why would any 'normal' town have a gay republican? Unless, you were horny, but were scared of being around guys. Whether it was the fear of AIDS or being found out, you fucked some bitch, then got her pregnant. Since then, you've been stressed out, and tried to keep your image as a man stable, all while fucking some boys when you felt it was safe - the 90's/200's. So, you do have multiple children. Perhaps, they were kind of empty promises to end your 'sinful ways,' and be a family man? So, a man in a small town got a chick pregnant, and stayed due to vague morals, and keeps his identity a secret to ensure his image and some moral sanctity. Or am I wrong"? He cracked his bottle, while I sipped mine. Me: "So, an married man who wants to fuck twinks. Now, ain't that grateful for Mother's Day for your wife - leaving her and the kids behind." He was pissed. Good. This is gonna be a fun trip.

Hey everyone! Sorry for not being on here that much - a lot has happened as of late. So, I'll try to answer a few questions and make an update. When doing so I'll try to be general and tell you guys the story. First, I wanna say sorry again for worrying anyone. If I caused anyone to be uncomfortable, I am terribly sorry. Nonetheless, I want to really thank you guys for being so amazingly supportive! I really wish I could meet all you guys and just give you a big hug. I don't get that much support back at where I live, but, I appreciate everything you guys are saying. So, let's answer questions, then I'll update. Yes, he was working there, and while I may not want to talk too much about it, I have made some notices for this material. At the moment, things are kind of complicated, but, I do plan on getting things noted. With that being said, I seem to be negative and have talked to some medical personnel. They explained to me that I should be fine, and am now starting to calm down. I finally got counseling, and am slowly getting myself together. With this, I'm slowly branching out to better my circumstances. With me finally doing what I want to do - it's lead me to be in WAY better positions than I ever imagined. I finally did an art gig and have a few people recognizing what I have to offer. I finally am having time to breathe and take time away from stress. I'm slowly building confidence again, and really am becoming whole again. As many have stated, I should be fine regardless of the scenario, and again, sorry if I may be sounding ignorant with the notion of him being undetectable. I had sex with undetectable guys in the past and didn't worry - it was only him constantly changing information and being manipulative is what bothered me - which lead from my anxiety being a simple flame to a fiery pit. However, I have also talked to people who can help me with insurance and see what we can do for HIV medication - if anything comes up. As for my personal life - well, I still want to fix myself first before going to the scene again, however, I still wish and miss holding bottom daddies. Hey, a traumatized guy can still dream lol Hopefully, I can be somewhat put together after the Fall, and see about dating guys (or girls) again in the Spring. Hope to one day find a progressive daddy who likes blow jobs and a well bred ass lol (Although, I still have complications with that - hit me up if you want to know) However, regardless, I really do appreciate what you guys have said so far - and I'm so sorry for the wait. Thank you all so much. Maybe writing a few stories on here can be a great way of using up some energy.

Thank you, evilqueerpig And thank you everyone. I want to apologize for me being overly emotional. At the time, partners were telling me to off myself, people were being homophobic, and it was the time near my mother's death. A lot to swallow (Though, I think I did enough lol). However, I'm somewhat getting back to my old self again. I'm slowing down the breaks on this roller coaster, and just accepting whatever comes up. I obviously won't know the "answer" until December - so, why panic? Regardless, I'm just gonna continue living life the way I always had - working on projects, and building my future. While, yes, finding a lover/partner may not be on my mind for some time, I'm honestly okay with everything. I mean, I have to be - there's no other choice. Well, unless you consider giving up, and being depressed for years to come as an option.... Which is kinda fucked..... However, I'm doing a bit better. It's just everything was coming at me all at once, and having abusive lovers doesn't help. After all, PTSD and Guilt is one hell of a drug. So, as of right now, I won't know for quite some time whether I'm positive or not. I mean, if I am - Oh well, I'm still human (Oh my God, it's almost like people living with HIV are actually people - Gee fucking willikers). It'll be a bitch for medication, but, I'll hit the bridge when I get there. If I'm negative, then, I just gotta not let shit hit me like that again - Should have that mindset even when positive. The important thing that I learned from all this is that - I can't clean up everyone's mess, and I should love myself regardless of any scenario. It was these two morals I needed at the time of my wreck-less behavior. And I hope this can be an alteration of my past behaviors. Changing the crowd I'm with, changing partners, and trying to seek better means. Again, I want to say sorry for my behavior, and if this post serves no purpose, I can gladly remove it. Hit me up. I'd love to talk to folks here just because. I could always enjoy a good laugh and such.

Hey guys, long time since I posted anything. In truth, life has not been kind to me, and I'm here to state something, because, I honestly need a friend at this time. For one thing, please do not take anything I say as something demeaning to anyone with HIV, or likes to have party favors. I don't look down at anyone who does it, nor sees it as a means. However, onto the topic. I'm 22, and passed college (Finally), and pretty much have not been able to accept any happy occasions, because of what happened thus far. You see, after helping someone for so long, I was delayed for graduation, and the person who I helped treated me like shit, and left me in the dirt. While everyone was graduating and having fun, I felt betrayed and left uneasy. Thus, I went to my coping mechanism - trying to find some guys to fool with. I checked everyone, and they all seemed clear, however, somehow, I got gonorrhea. With that, I worried if I passed anything on to my partners, who I SEVERELY cared about. With me thinking I did, and being worried that my friends had to pay for medical treatment (They don't have insurance), I felt like shit and was high off guilt and depression. I felt as though I was ruining lives, and seeing that I "technically" was, I wanted to save them time and money for being cured of a possible infection. So, when it came to it, a person as a free clinic kinda (from my position) made the proposition that if I slept with him, he'll give them immediate treatment. Thing was though, he was HIV positive (Undetectable) and did meth. This bothered me, but, I went along with it. I topped him bareback, and swallowed his load a couple of times. After all was said and done, I asked him about the treatment, and he said that was already planned. Apparently I misunderstood him, and my brain fucked up. My buddies got treatment, but, turned out I never gave them anything. I'm now wigging out and honestly have no one to find comfort in. The one person who I thought I could talk to said that I am a terrible person, and that I just have to accept being positive. That I'm kinda this "Undesirable," that only he can desire. This leaves me with so much regret. I know this sounds selfish, and that I'm a terrible for wanting attention, but, I honestly, am so fucked up. For all the people around me who belittle me for being gay, and my partners looking down at people with HIV, I feel as though I'm alone and severely depressed. It's making me considering just giving up on everything. And, honestly, I just need someone who can just hear me out, and just offer something. I'm not asking for a therapist, or a magical guide who can "cure" me. I did this to myself, and somewhat accept it. However, I need someone who can understand me needing to vent about all of this, and not give me that "You're a terrible person for exposing yourself" or "Why not just accept every disease out there, you're an abilist piece of shit for not being a cum-dump - you judgmental prude." So, anything would help. Thanks.

Interesting point, Tallslenderguy, never thought of it that way. I guess, I kinda am just an anxious guy, who wants some company and sexual release. Maybe, I might be asking too much on certain aspects? I don't know. I hope that I don't come off as someone being too needy (a fear I deeply have). However, what you said really tells me something far more realistic than what I could imagine. I do find my platonic relationships more fun then sexual encounters. And separating/ finding pieces of sexual release and platonic companionship in life helps make a better lifestyle than trying to find all elements in one person. Going through the many hook-up scenes I've been through, I completely get what you're saying. It can be tiresome and so draining (phrasing), and even depressing when it comes to communication difficulties with sexual encounters. Nonetheless, thank you so much!

Wow! Thank you, too. I really appreciate that! (Sorry, been busy to respond). I'll definitely look into all of this! And might take you up on that offer lol

Wow.... Thanks! That's very thorough. Honestly the best response I ever had gotten. I appreciate your honesty, and being so polite throughout your response. You organized your statements and such, which I really applaud you for. However, for testing and such, I always make sure (Hell, even do so even when I don't have sex). And I completely see where you are coming from. I'm from St. Louis. It's rather difficult here for a "proper gay scene." And what you said is actually very thought out. And when it comes to being a bottom, I know how awesome it is to have a raw load in you. Always loved that myself lol However, I see where you're coming from, and thank you for verifying that my views and wants aren't "dream-like." As mentioned, all I want is a daddy who'd like to talk to, be friends with, share a common ground, and (if I can) rim him wherever and whenever, just to let him know I still find him beautiful and an amazing fuck-buddy (maybe a load in his ass too can tell him that I find him attractive (also would love to cuddle with him and let him lay his head on my chest as we sleep). And with the "generou$$$" thing, I fucking hate that. I never understood that, because, I find money stressful. I had once spend $70 on a guy who said he'd bottom for me, and all I did was suck his dick, and he fell asleep. He promised me a ride back home, and in the end of the day, made me pay for a cab, and left me nasty messages because I wasn't "man" enough to spend my money on him again (he was a 50 year old guy with fucked up teeth, and always smelled terrible with a dead stuffed cat in the living room - kill me). Nonetheless, I never want people to spend money on me, and have always asked men beforehand if I can always pitch in for hotel rooms. Mind you, I don't have a job, but, always am at least willing to buy dinner (Yes, I'm that type of person who'd like to buy the person I'm fucking food (somewhat)). As mentioned, I want people to relax in bed. To forget about deadlines. To forget about issues. To just relax, cum, and lay down having their hair played with as they talk about what's on their mind. That's what I like. Talking about money just adds stress and ruins the mood. Nothing wrong with prostitution, or the concept. But, I just can't see myself doing that to someone with my ideals to have a stress-free encounter. To the idea of being more upfront, I appreciate the most. Never tried Scruff, so, it's worth a shot. Also, I don't know if I can be covered for Prep. Though, HIV is strangely not my concern (I still don't want it) but I am honestly more scared of herpes, more so than HIV (I'm weird, and am somewhat uneducated on some issues, which I ask forgiveness if I sound like an ass). However, the reason why is because, that's what's REALLY getting to me. As I said, I am highly paranoid, so, since herpes is so easy to get by just kissing, my mind goes overboard and goes all over the place. Sorry if my post came off as desperate or such. I was in a bad place when typing. However, thank you for such a wonderful response!

Hey, I guess the title explains it all. Okay, to summarize, I'm an expert bottom twink, but, I want to be a top. And, to explain this, I'll give a quick backstory about all this. I am 21 years old, twink, 5'10, 145-160 pounds (haven't measured in a bit), and have had sex with over 60 people since my freshman year of college. 99% were men, and 1% was a girl. Most of the men where older guys who I'd sucked off, and rarely did I bottom. But, I always was a cocksucker. The guys I laid with always commented on my oral skills, due to me deep throating all the time, and offer relaxing sensations. Where most men go for a simple orgasm, I go for making someone feeling beautiful and less stressed out. This of course led to a talented tongue, throat and a willingness to bottom at a moment's notice. From wearing frilly underwear, to being a cumdump to a few creepy guys (seriously, one fucking used my throat for over 6 hours), I have learned what guys generally liked and what I liked to add to the mix. While you can say, I'm a good "boi" or whatever, I generally have to say, I am rather displeased by all of this. I never gotten a blow job (or at least on to completion), no one likes touching my dick in general, no one wants to bottom for me, but most importantly, no one helps me get off. There are only 4 people who tried, and I honestly can say only one put actual effort. I've been with "mutuals" and "bottoms," but they all just want to get off, and go to sleep, leaving me there to jerk off alone. So, in other words, I don't know how to orgasm when someone touches me, since I'm used to no one touching me. I just jerk off, and figure that I'm the only one who can pleasure myself.Hell, I only jerk off now, and my dick now only responds to my hand. I always made an effort to have people cum, relax, and be cuddled with and told that they are beautiful (even when I'm not attracted to them, but I still think they deserve a compliment, and I don't believe anyone "ugly," just not my tastes). I always gave a shit, and an effort. But, no one does shit for me. I tried twinks and (fucking no, just, no). I tried couples (they're just people who either want someone to cover up their relationship issues, or just wants the idea of a slave/ owned "boi" - which, ain't gonna happen), I tried rednecks (nope, fuck that, they're usually unsafe and have no idea what sex is (though I will always have boners for redneck dads)). And I tried married guys (I cannot handle the guilt of someone cheating. I cheated in a "relationship" (it was shit), but I felt terrible, and can't imagine being with someone, who willingly puts their partner at risk without telling them. Not to mention, their schedules are always fucked up. Though married guys are my ideal (if they can let me fuck with their wives and themselves at the same time). The only people who put effort into me, are strangely straight guys, and I'd rather not deal with that case of drama, or whatever. So, I want to try something (and someone) else. I've grown out of being strictly a bottom "boi," and now want to be versatile (or just a top). I want to have someone work my cock. I want someone to recognize I have balls. I want someone who's enthusiastic about giving me pleasure. But, also, I want someone who can be human. I don't want a relationship, but, I also don't want a cum rag. That's just disrespectful. I'd like to hang out with someone, joke, share views and just do stuff. Share a hobby or something. But, I do want to make sure that this person does not fall for me (had a guy propose to me after me giving him head.... Let that sink in). Just friends with benefits, but mostly a mutual respect for one another, but we fuck whenever we can. Also, I simply liked to think that I don't need to remind them that I'm gay, and that gay rights are an issue (seriously, why the fuck do older gay men act like gay rights are just "special treatments"?). That being said, I just want a bottom daddy. I always have been attracted to older men. I always adored the facial hair, the musk, the smiles, and carelessness of an older male. However, I really don't need a "parental figure that belittles me for the sake of belittling me." What I want is an older man who I am attracted to (never had sex with someone I was attracted to either) that can teach me how to be a top, be a person to hang out with, and just enjoy pleasuring me and being pleasured. Maybe he likes young cock in his hole, and likes to be sucked off at the same time (learned how to do that); maybe likes to just ride my cock, and have me jerk him off, so he can cum, then goes to suck me off; or maybe wants my ass and my cock. Doesn't matter. And I don't mind being a bottom, I got handcuffs for a reason, y'a know. But, I don't know. I want to have this, but, it seems too ideal. For one, I'm in a shitty place for hook-up's. STD's are everywhere, homosexuality is still seen as a wrong, most older men are in the closet but want to belittle gay rights, and there's a record of stealthing out here (doesn't help that I was raped once, recovered from almost dying from gonorrhea that caused me to have PTSD, and handled HPV that caused me severe depression), so, yeah..... Add in a bit of bad experiences and such, you got yourself a problem. Number two, I'm really busy. I'm a college student who works on project after project (video editor and sound editor), so, I'm all over the place. I'm constantly in a situation that, when the guy I'm hooking up with will mess with me, fuck up meeting up, and such, and I'll be okay with it. But, when I mess up, and communicate, apparently, I'M the "flake." So, that's a thing. And finally, I honestly don't know where to look, nor know if it's the right time. I want to say that I should focus on school (and wait for Trump to be over), first, then go out. But, by then, I honestly think I'd lose interest in hooking up, and would want a boyfriend. I'd want a boyfriend at someone point, but, as times goes, I seem to have a personality that's too independent to have a functioning relationship. So, I don't know what to say. I'd like to "train" as a top before having a boyfriend, but, I don't know. But, with that being said, I really don't know where to look. Grindr, no one gets laid. Growlr is my cup of tea, but, I kinda have a bad history with it also. CL looks tempting, and had a lot of guys I'd fuck, but, seems like they're either married, or looking to have/give anonymous/poz loads. So, here I am. I'm asking what can I do to be a proper top; what to do in order to seize a daddy; know how to be pleasured; and general thoughts. Also, if someone also can tell me how to be more "buff," that'd be great. Hopefully, I'm not asking too much. Thanks!