Kayne

I  was always a slut. I stumbled upon BZ during my  DADT phase. I'd lurk and read, but I didn't interact much. Then I fell for this guy I met off Bear411. where I was put off before, but this man opened a door I didn't want to close. There were some other things that got me to where I am, and then I was officially a member of the brotherhood. I have found community, friendship and a place I feel I belong.with men that think and perhaps even act like me

in a way, its family for one who needed one. 

Bravo. You're one hell of a man. I'm glad your nephew has the support and love he needs 

I want to thank everyone. I'm nowhere near Okay. But Iam Finding reasons to Continue on for one more day. Your insight is invaluable to me as I forge on and build myself from the ground up.

Again, Thank you all

I grew up Black, in the Ghetto and Poor.

In My Formative Years I was cared for by many colors in the spectrum of Gay. 

All of them are gone now. But Whether Butch or Femme Drag or "Trans" Duke or whatever Be outside of the "Family" and call them a "Faggot" with some sort of Violent, Shaming, or Harmful intent. and everyone of them in know Would Beat the shit out of you and ask your Battered an Broken Body who the Faggot is Now.

I subscribe to this method.

If im with my friends and we're on our own,  that word and other may be used.  If I'm in a scene and that is the role I've chosen, then its fine. Even a Dominant Masculine Man's Man Top can Be a Faggot. 

Choose that word as a weapon, to demean and look down on me and You will get fucked up. Period.

As for the questionnaire I could be on either side of that power dynamic. I can enjoy both roles, it just depends on my feeling that day, but I am ALWAYS A MAN 

My Momma entered into mortality a little under 2 months ago. She was my only family. She was my best friend. I cared for her, for 27 years day and night. 

I was broken hearted when I found out I was POZ because part of me feared leaving her alone in a premature end. That is because of her losing absolutely everyone good in her life in the Early days when I was a kid.

Her last 5 years were painful.  She left quietly in her sleep, clinging to my arm. On the Day I was born We both died and came back. I'm Fighting through guilt for surviving. One way out is obvious, but I don't know if that's  what I want.

I do know that I'm starting over from scratch, without a clue on what to do now, A disability and no plan for the end of the day, let alone the future. A deep seated kink is one thing,  but that's not something to build a life on. Do I even deserve to be here now that she's gone? If I did,  wouldn't there be more to my life  than  an empty void? 

Well before the start of the poll

I got a judgmental doctor myself. I've taken about a year off from seeing him its been a nice vacation. im gonna have to go back to him tho.  I'd love finding.a Gay Doc who osa on my wavelength but I wouldn't begin to know how to find one as twisted as I am.

Damn Thats  one good tale. such q shame it ended in that way

There is a ton of overlap in my bak of kinks. I have no desire to be female or feminized, but M-Preg  and Male Lactation  are turning  My Transformation kink slides right in there with my "monster" [ Demon Vamp/ Lycan] kink. It nestles up nicely with my Furry an B.C. kink all provide me with an army to spread over the world lol 

I have done it a few times. If I'm the bottom, I prefer triple pen to being fisted. its hit when acting as one of the tops. 

this needs to be continued. 

2 minutes ago, norefusal said:

🤮

i don't know if it's because i'm a hippie at heart or a big old slut or just a cheapskate but the whole idea of paying for sex pisses me off 

I used to be in the industry. Everyone pays in one way or another.  here, you're paying for access and the space and not getting arrested 

Circuit parties have them. the "Blackout Room" is often a VIP up Charge  often with clothes check

I have been all over on this issue. And I am often cast in the role of "closed minded bigot" because of my personal tastes and practices.

The issue has further resonance for me because I live in a state of involuntary transition and am unable to access the tools to keep me As Male As I am and wish to be. [ the long and short is that my Testosterone is being turned into Estrogen and i don't want it to]

I cannot say how many trans people have donned pitchforks and tor he's because I have stated that I will not Date/ Have sex with a transperson -Transmasc /Transfemme makes no difference to me. 

This is not to say I am against Trans people. Quite the contrary! It may be clichéd to say "I am not prejudiced against [insert group] because I have this friend. However I have been the person that several Transmen and Women have come out to, when they were learning to accept themselves.

With all the above being said, I am not aware of any man being able to deviate from what turns him on. If a man with a vag. is not your thing, you're not going to be super thrilled with mixing/ mingling with such a man in such an intimate setting as a bathhouse. Same for a woman with a cock.  However, Bathhouses cater to a large clientele. Somecare only hot for muscle, some are only into Senior Silver Dads Some people are into Bears, others into Chubs/SuperChubs, while Only Twinks will do for others. Thing is we all have to learn to co-exist. 

I'd personally prefer to spend my time with men that were born Male, identify as Male, that have penises ,testis and produce sperm. That's what makes my soldier stand. that's what I'd like to see when I pay to be in that venue

Unfortunately, while separate but equal gathering places of this type are the fantasy; Separate but equal anything is neither Separate nor Equal.  So I'll smile and politely decline invitations from patrons that don't do anything for me. 

Nice. I'd like to see this continue. 

I've read about them. I've made a fewvan played solo and with others. but I didn't know there  was a genre of porn for this. I'm intrigued. 

Getting older is a blessing and a curse. from 12 to about 21 I cols blow myself.  exploring mu how while sucking my own cock was intense. it was more intense to be drilled  while swallowing my own spank.

But Blowing another man, a member of our sacred brotherhood is a sensation on another level.  Choosing his cock over sweet precious air, being both submissive and aggressive, knowing that through what many seem as demeaning, you can control an dominate him by giving him the kind of pleasure that fries his brain. The elation of drinking in his masculinity, his musk, ans a wave of his sons that will forever reside as a part of you, even if you never see him again

its quite intense. 

I enjoyed this. it was sweet, direct and romantic.

6 hours ago, sotrue said:

Kayne, so did the doctor figure why you were having false positives? I assume you continued to have sex, particularly BB sex, during that long period of false positives? (apologies if that is too personal of a question)? Thanks for any insights. At least in my case the “fast” tests have all been negative. The complete reflex tests in the end were all negative, showing no viral load.

Again I may be part of the minority here, but I want to keep my slutty barebacking fantasies mostly that — as fantasies, or if they became reality with a tested partner. My risk tolerance is low obviously! 
 

I’ll have to wait a few months as I just got a Covid booster and a flu shot a couple of weeks ago. If those are the source of the false positives, it won’t do me any good to test now. Thank you for your support - I am grateful!

Well, in my case, its love been told its likely one of three scenarios.

1. the fast tests were accurate, and the broader panel tests were wrong and I was poz since my original accidental exposure. and my viral load was just so low until my immune system was well and truly overwhelmed.

2. I had chronic fatigue syndrome

3. I was negative until at the very least when an Ex stealthed me,  or I picked the card on my own. could be som combo of the three. though I do know that the activeness of my sex life decreased with the increase of mother's illness to the point where im an incel now. 

but no one has ever given me an answer I could rely on. 

I know the mental hell you're going through mate. After I was exposed,  I went through literal years of "False Positive" "fast" tests. Full panel blood testing always insisted that I was Neg.  It was an Emotional Rollercoaster I rode alone because I had some baggage from growing up during the crisis,having lost many people during that time.  I also wrestled with an inevitably complex. from my background.  After my doctor literally mixed up my at the time latest test with another patient, I quit testing and adopted  a "Don't Ask/ Don't Tell Don't Care" attitude.  That probably wasn't the smartest move, but I found the stress of wondering if the results I was staring at were accurate, and checking Web MD against every blotch on my skin, every cut on my gums and every bout of IBS was killing me. 

If I can offer some advice, I'd say use your head. Use any resource you have access to. Keep taking an active interest in your health.  And above all, don'Psych yourself out about it. I spent 16 years at war with myself, not fully embracing myself, All of myself because a test result was defining my life and how i lived it and in my case I wound up Poz anyway. 

take from that what you will.  I'm not advocating "letting go" and this isn't about any kink/ fetish I have. I just want you to know how a False positive can shake one up and I'm here for you. 

I've been propositioned many times. I guess these days its most memorable when its unwanted because if bad timing. its seems that as of late I get publicly hit on when I'm Taking Care of Mom.  I remember being on a crowded bus with mom and this hung guy kept rubbing his dick against my hand and smiling. 

I have a lot of stories though. I miss the times when I could act on the proposal. 

Riveting! I couldn't stop reading !

nice. very nice!

 I don't believe a magic number makes one automatically ready or matured enough to make this decision. If one sets obvious abuse and grooming aside, people mature at different rates and this "one size fits all attitude stinks. Also the " there is no defense/ excuse / you should have known attitude is disgusting. at 14 years old, even with a baby face, I was turning tricks, hanging out in bars and being served and hanging out in ABS around men that if caught, would have been ruined. and the lion's share of the contact was initiated by me. I can't tell you how many cabbies firemen and store owners I had contact with in my grandmother's neighborhood in Queens when I was Jailbait. 

I'm not bragging. far from it. I was a boyscout with guys that were still thinking about "cooties" Sex wasn't on their radar yet.  Government involvement is a necessary evil to protect kids from literal predators  ( although in some places the laws are written to protect a certain class of predator) Still i feel if you need a license to drive or to marry. there should be a test/ license to consent to fuck. 

it drives me crazy that one can join the mitary for indoctrination In junior high school starting with Color Guard. One can join the military as early as 16, But while you're being taught  to march and kill, one can't drive, vote, smoke, have an adult beverage or consent to having you junk slapped around by the person of your choice . its fucking wild.

On 11/4/2023 at 8:38 PM, ErosWired said:

So I would have thought as well - but I find that in practice, when the opportunity is presented to them, they often don’t. I don’t know whether they’re afraid of the beast within, or whether they don’t trust that there could be no consequence - thinking this is too good to be true and there has to be a catch to it - or whether, when given an option to do anything, they find they can’t decide what they want.

Ahh, that's where life comes in .

Learning is repetitive.  its trial and error. touch your hand to a hot surface as a little one, that memory sticks. Life teaches us (most of the time anyway), that there is no free lunch. no consequence free action.  life teaches us that often when its too good to be true, it is in fact,  false.  the desire to grasp that consequence free opportunity, and what one has learned from life experiences will often make a man freeze. 

this is life outside of the matrix sadly. *slight laugh*