Kayne

I used to get passed around by my dear old dad when I was well below Age of Consent. Later I traded hand jobs and blowjobs for arcade money As A teen I did a lot for money. In my late teens and early 20's I Was A Stripper , Model and Bartender. Private Dances, Back rooms and private parties was a easy and more often than not, fun way for an early 00's guy to get laid and paid. 

 I'd like to add my perspective.

The system is broken. it's broken in several places, and I've many systems it is irreparable. That being said, SOME system is better than none

Our shared Human history is filled with Adults expecting and forcing children to make decisions or participate in things they are ready for, be that emotional or physical.

in much of the world, the concept of  "preteens / teenagers " wasn't a thing before the 1950's  And 50 years before that, what we would consider "Minors" , especially female minors were already mothers with children, long before they could understand any of the kind of  maturity  that is supposed to exist today.

 I find it screwed up that children can be indoctrinated into "national service" an war mongering, before they are taught about body auto omy, body positivity, real and true consent and yes even sex. 

In my country of the US a Teen trained to fight and die on a god forsaken battlefield before they can legally.... Smoke, drink alcohol, be sexually active with a partner they choose, Rent an apartment, rent a car.  Vote. and there are people that want to raise the voting age to keep young people from voting to change the establishment 

 Only recently was Sentencing a child to a life term with no parole or to execution outlawed, and with the hard conservative lean in our highest court, that decision can be overturned at any moment. 

That shit is insane.

When I was a child I was a victim. I was raped repeatedly by a group of scum sucking bastards. The line began with my own father and didn't end until I tasted Puberty. I was photographed, videos and passed around, sometimes for nothing more than a drink for my old man. I wasn't alone. many kids in my neighborhood went through this, and I don't know how I wasn't Poz before I was 10 It was a dark and scary time.

For years the only way I could stop myself from canceling my subscription to breathing, I had to recoceptualize my experiences to ones where I had the power I didn't have. I had to be outside of my body and accept the involuntary pleasure forced upon me.

Because yes, a kid is human. yes a kid can feel pleasure, yes a kid can learn rewards are better than punishments. 

when I was in my teens I became a predator. I put adult men in situations that got me the attention I sought, because it was the attention I had been conditioned to value. I sold myself, I blackmailed, I begged , I pleaded and put myself into dangerous situations to get thevsexual satisfaction I craved in my teens. itvwas easy.  Farveasier than it is no that I am Overweight, Scarred and Poz

Do I have dark fantasies you bet I do have I seen some things that disgust me with myself upon post nut clarity. yes.

But even if I am a dumpster fire, I want to see more protection. and a new system built, to protect the weakest and most easily exploited among us. 

I hope I've constructively added to the discussion  with my perspective. 

16 hours ago, revemupman said:

Oh Fuck what is a serious throat clogged! Dayum I'd love working a load outta you!

Here's a shot of Mine !

I  was always a slut. I stumbled upon BZ during my  DADT phase. I'd lurk and read, but I didn't interact much. Then I fell for this guy I met off Bear411. where I was put off before, but this man opened a door I didn't want to close. There were some other things that got me to where I am, and then I was officially a member of the brotherhood. I have found community, friendship and a place I feel I belong.with men that think and perhaps even act like me

in a way, its family for one who needed one. 

Bravo. You're one hell of a man. I'm glad your nephew has the support and love he needs 

I want to thank everyone. I'm nowhere near Okay. But Iam Finding reasons to Continue on for one more day. Your insight is invaluable to me as I forge on and build myself from the ground up.

Again, Thank you all

I grew up Black, in the Ghetto and Poor.

In My Formative Years I was cared for by many colors in the spectrum of Gay. 

All of them are gone now. But Whether Butch or Femme Drag or "Trans" Duke or whatever Be outside of the "Family" and call them a "Faggot" with some sort of Violent, Shaming, or Harmful intent. and everyone of them in know Would Beat the shit out of you and ask your Battered an Broken Body who the Faggot is Now.

I subscribe to this method.

If im with my friends and we're on our own,  that word and other may be used.  If I'm in a scene and that is the role I've chosen, then its fine. Even a Dominant Masculine Man's Man Top can Be a Faggot. 

Choose that word as a weapon, to demean and look down on me and You will get fucked up. Period.

As for the questionnaire I could be on either side of that power dynamic. I can enjoy both roles, it just depends on my feeling that day, but I am ALWAYS A MAN 

My Momma entered into mortality a little under 2 months ago. She was my only family. She was my best friend. I cared for her, for 27 years day and night. 

I was broken hearted when I found out I was POZ because part of me feared leaving her alone in a premature end. That is because of her losing absolutely everyone good in her life in the Early days when I was a kid.

Her last 5 years were painful.  She left quietly in her sleep, clinging to my arm. On the Day I was born We both died and came back. I'm Fighting through guilt for surviving. One way out is obvious, but I don't know if that's  what I want.

I do know that I'm starting over from scratch, without a clue on what to do now, A disability and no plan for the end of the day, let alone the future. A deep seated kink is one thing,  but that's not something to build a life on. Do I even deserve to be here now that she's gone? If I did,  wouldn't there be more to my life  than  an empty void? 

Well before the start of the poll

I got a judgmental doctor myself. I've taken about a year off from seeing him its been a nice vacation. im gonna have to go back to him tho.  I'd love finding.a Gay Doc who osa on my wavelength but I wouldn't begin to know how to find one as twisted as I am.

Damn Thats  one good tale. such q shame it ended in that way

There is a ton of overlap in my bak of kinks. I have no desire to be female or feminized, but M-Preg  and Male Lactation  are turning  My Transformation kink slides right in there with my "monster" [ Demon Vamp/ Lycan] kink. It nestles up nicely with my Furry an B.C. kink all provide me with an army to spread over the world lol 

I have done it a few times. If I'm the bottom, I prefer triple pen to being fisted. its hit when acting as one of the tops. 

this needs to be continued. 

2 minutes ago, norefusal said:

🤮

i don't know if it's because i'm a hippie at heart or a big old slut or just a cheapskate but the whole idea of paying for sex pisses me off 

I used to be in the industry. Everyone pays in one way or another.  here, you're paying for access and the space and not getting arrested 

Circuit parties have them. the "Blackout Room" is often a VIP up Charge  often with clothes check

I have been all over on this issue. And I am often cast in the role of "closed minded bigot" because of my personal tastes and practices.

The issue has further resonance for me because I live in a state of involuntary transition and am unable to access the tools to keep me As Male As I am and wish to be. [ the long and short is that my Testosterone is being turned into Estrogen and i don't want it to]

I cannot say how many trans people have donned pitchforks and tor he's because I have stated that I will not Date/ Have sex with a transperson -Transmasc /Transfemme makes no difference to me. 

This is not to say I am against Trans people. Quite the contrary! It may be clichéd to say "I am not prejudiced against [insert group] because I have this friend. However I have been the person that several Transmen and Women have come out to, when they were learning to accept themselves.

With all the above being said, I am not aware of any man being able to deviate from what turns him on. If a man with a vag. is not your thing, you're not going to be super thrilled with mixing/ mingling with such a man in such an intimate setting as a bathhouse. Same for a woman with a cock.  However, Bathhouses cater to a large clientele. Somecare only hot for muscle, some are only into Senior Silver Dads Some people are into Bears, others into Chubs/SuperChubs, while Only Twinks will do for others. Thing is we all have to learn to co-exist. 

I'd personally prefer to spend my time with men that were born Male, identify as Male, that have penises ,testis and produce sperm. That's what makes my soldier stand. that's what I'd like to see when I pay to be in that venue

Unfortunately, while separate but equal gathering places of this type are the fantasy; Separate but equal anything is neither Separate nor Equal.  So I'll smile and politely decline invitations from patrons that don't do anything for me. 

Nice. I'd like to see this continue. 

I've read about them. I've made a fewvan played solo and with others. but I didn't know there  was a genre of porn for this. I'm intrigued. 

Getting older is a blessing and a curse. from 12 to about 21 I cols blow myself.  exploring mu how while sucking my own cock was intense. it was more intense to be drilled  while swallowing my own spank.

But Blowing another man, a member of our sacred brotherhood is a sensation on another level.  Choosing his cock over sweet precious air, being both submissive and aggressive, knowing that through what many seem as demeaning, you can control an dominate him by giving him the kind of pleasure that fries his brain. The elation of drinking in his masculinity, his musk, ans a wave of his sons that will forever reside as a part of you, even if you never see him again

its quite intense. 

I enjoyed this. it was sweet, direct and romantic.

6 hours ago, sotrue said:

Kayne, so did the doctor figure why you were having false positives? I assume you continued to have sex, particularly BB sex, during that long period of false positives? (apologies if that is too personal of a question)? Thanks for any insights. At least in my case the “fast” tests have all been negative. The complete reflex tests in the end were all negative, showing no viral load.

Again I may be part of the minority here, but I want to keep my slutty barebacking fantasies mostly that — as fantasies, or if they became reality with a tested partner. My risk tolerance is low obviously! 
 

I’ll have to wait a few months as I just got a Covid booster and a flu shot a couple of weeks ago. If those are the source of the false positives, it won’t do me any good to test now. Thank you for your support - I am grateful!

Well, in my case, its love been told its likely one of three scenarios.

1. the fast tests were accurate, and the broader panel tests were wrong and I was poz since my original accidental exposure. and my viral load was just so low until my immune system was well and truly overwhelmed.

2. I had chronic fatigue syndrome

3. I was negative until at the very least when an Ex stealthed me,  or I picked the card on my own. could be som combo of the three. though I do know that the activeness of my sex life decreased with the increase of mother's illness to the point where im an incel now. 

but no one has ever given me an answer I could rely on. 

I know the mental hell you're going through mate. After I was exposed,  I went through literal years of "False Positive" "fast" tests. Full panel blood testing always insisted that I was Neg.  It was an Emotional Rollercoaster I rode alone because I had some baggage from growing up during the crisis,having lost many people during that time.  I also wrestled with an inevitably complex. from my background.  After my doctor literally mixed up my at the time latest test with another patient, I quit testing and adopted  a "Don't Ask/ Don't Tell Don't Care" attitude.  That probably wasn't the smartest move, but I found the stress of wondering if the results I was staring at were accurate, and checking Web MD against every blotch on my skin, every cut on my gums and every bout of IBS was killing me. 

If I can offer some advice, I'd say use your head. Use any resource you have access to. Keep taking an active interest in your health.  And above all, don'Psych yourself out about it. I spent 16 years at war with myself, not fully embracing myself, All of myself because a test result was defining my life and how i lived it and in my case I wound up Poz anyway. 

take from that what you will.  I'm not advocating "letting go" and this isn't about any kink/ fetish I have. I just want you to know how a False positive can shake one up and I'm here for you. 

I've been propositioned many times. I guess these days its most memorable when its unwanted because if bad timing. its seems that as of late I get publicly hit on when I'm Taking Care of Mom.  I remember being on a crowded bus with mom and this hung guy kept rubbing his dick against my hand and smiling. 

I have a lot of stories though. I miss the times when I could act on the proposal.