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Kayne

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Everything posted by Kayne

  1. I want to thank everyone. I'm nowhere near Okay. But Iam Finding reasons to Continue on for one more day. Your insight is invaluable to me as I forge on and build myself from the ground up. Again, Thank you all
  2. I grew up Black, in the Ghetto and Poor. In My Formative Years I was cared for by many colors in the spectrum of Gay. All of them are gone now. But Whether Butch or Femme Drag or "Trans" Duke or whatever Be outside of the "Family" and call them a "Faggot" with some sort of Violent, Shaming, or Harmful intent. and everyone of them in know Would Beat the shit out of you and ask your Battered an Broken Body who the Faggot is Now. I subscribe to this method. If im with my friends and we're on our own, that word and other may be used. If I'm in a scene and that is the role I've chosen, then its fine. Even a Dominant Masculine Man's Man Top can Be a Faggot. Choose that word as a weapon, to demean and look down on me and You will get fucked up. Period. As for the questionnaire I could be on either side of that power dynamic. I can enjoy both roles, it just depends on my feeling that day, but I am ALWAYS A MAN
  3. My Momma entered into mortality a little under 2 months ago. She was my only family. She was my best friend. I cared for her, for 27 years day and night. I was broken hearted when I found out I was POZ because part of me feared leaving her alone in a premature end. That is because of her losing absolutely everyone good in her life in the Early days when I was a kid. Her last 5 years were painful. She left quietly in her sleep, clinging to my arm. On the Day I was born We both died and came back. I'm Fighting through guilt for surviving. One way out is obvious, but I don't know if that's what I want. I do know that I'm starting over from scratch, without a clue on what to do now, A disability and no plan for the end of the day, let alone the future. A deep seated kink is one thing, but that's not something to build a life on. Do I even deserve to be here now that she's gone? If I did, wouldn't there be more to my life than an empty void?
  4. I got a judgmental doctor myself. I've taken about a year off from seeing him its been a nice vacation. im gonna have to go back to him tho. I'd love finding.a Gay Doc who osa on my wavelength but I wouldn't begin to know how to find one as twisted as I am.
  5. Damn Thats one good tale. such q shame it ended in that way
  6. There is a ton of overlap in my bak of kinks. I have no desire to be female or feminized, but M-Preg and Male Lactation are turning My Transformation kink slides right in there with my "monster" [ Demon Vamp/ Lycan] kink. It nestles up nicely with my Furry an B.C. kink all provide me with an army to spread over the world lol
  7. I have done it a few times. If I'm the bottom, I prefer triple pen to being fisted. its hit when acting as one of the tops.
  8. I used to be in the industry. Everyone pays in one way or another. here, you're paying for access and the space and not getting arrested
  9. Circuit parties have them. the "Blackout Room" is often a VIP up Charge often with clothes check
  10. I have been all over on this issue. And I am often cast in the role of "closed minded bigot" because of my personal tastes and practices. The issue has further resonance for me because I live in a state of involuntary transition and am unable to access the tools to keep me As Male As I am and wish to be. [ the long and short is that my Testosterone is being turned into Estrogen and i don't want it to] I cannot say how many trans people have donned pitchforks and tor he's because I have stated that I will not Date/ Have sex with a transperson -Transmasc /Transfemme makes no difference to me. This is not to say I am against Trans people. Quite the contrary! It may be clichéd to say "I am not prejudiced against [insert group] because I have this friend. However I have been the person that several Transmen and Women have come out to, when they were learning to accept themselves. With all the above being said, I am not aware of any man being able to deviate from what turns him on. If a man with a vag. is not your thing, you're not going to be super thrilled with mixing/ mingling with such a man in such an intimate setting as a bathhouse. Same for a woman with a cock. However, Bathhouses cater to a large clientele. Somecare only hot for muscle, some are only into Senior Silver Dads Some people are into Bears, others into Chubs/SuperChubs, while Only Twinks will do for others. Thing is we all have to learn to co-exist. I'd personally prefer to spend my time with men that were born Male, identify as Male, that have penises ,testis and produce sperm. That's what makes my soldier stand. that's what I'd like to see when I pay to be in that venue Unfortunately, while separate but equal gathering places of this type are the fantasy; Separate but equal anything is neither Separate nor Equal. So I'll smile and politely decline invitations from patrons that don't do anything for me.
  11. Nice. I'd like to see this continue.
  12. I've read about them. I've made a fewvan played solo and with others. but I didn't know there was a genre of porn for this. I'm intrigued.
  13. Getting older is a blessing and a curse. from 12 to about 21 I cols blow myself. exploring mu how while sucking my own cock was intense. it was more intense to be drilled while swallowing my own spank. But Blowing another man, a member of our sacred brotherhood is a sensation on another level. Choosing his cock over sweet precious air, being both submissive and aggressive, knowing that through what many seem as demeaning, you can control an dominate him by giving him the kind of pleasure that fries his brain. The elation of drinking in his masculinity, his musk, ans a wave of his sons that will forever reside as a part of you, even if you never see him again its quite intense.
  14. I enjoyed this. it was sweet, direct and romantic.
  15. Well, in my case, its love been told its likely one of three scenarios. 1. the fast tests were accurate, and the broader panel tests were wrong and I was poz since my original accidental exposure. and my viral load was just so low until my immune system was well and truly overwhelmed. 2. I had chronic fatigue syndrome 3. I was negative until at the very least when an Ex stealthed me, or I picked the card on my own. could be som combo of the three. though I do know that the activeness of my sex life decreased with the increase of mother's illness to the point where im an incel now. but no one has ever given me an answer I could rely on.
  16. I know the mental hell you're going through mate. After I was exposed, I went through literal years of "False Positive" "fast" tests. Full panel blood testing always insisted that I was Neg. It was an Emotional Rollercoaster I rode alone because I had some baggage from growing up during the crisis,having lost many people during that time. I also wrestled with an inevitably complex. from my background. After my doctor literally mixed up my at the time latest test with another patient, I quit testing and adopted a "Don't Ask/ Don't Tell Don't Care" attitude. That probably wasn't the smartest move, but I found the stress of wondering if the results I was staring at were accurate, and checking Web MD against every blotch on my skin, every cut on my gums and every bout of IBS was killing me. If I can offer some advice, I'd say use your head. Use any resource you have access to. Keep taking an active interest in your health. And above all, don'Psych yourself out about it. I spent 16 years at war with myself, not fully embracing myself, All of myself because a test result was defining my life and how i lived it and in my case I wound up Poz anyway. take from that what you will. I'm not advocating "letting go" and this isn't about any kink/ fetish I have. I just want you to know how a False positive can shake one up and I'm here for you.
  17. I've been propositioned many times. I guess these days its most memorable when its unwanted because if bad timing. its seems that as of late I get publicly hit on when I'm Taking Care of Mom. I remember being on a crowded bus with mom and this hung guy kept rubbing his dick against my hand and smiling. I have a lot of stories though. I miss the times when I could act on the proposal.
  18. Riveting! I couldn't stop reading !
  19. I don't believe a magic number makes one automatically ready or matured enough to make this decision. If one sets obvious abuse and grooming aside, people mature at different rates and this "one size fits all attitude stinks. Also the " there is no defense/ excuse / you should have known attitude is disgusting. at 14 years old, even with a baby face, I was turning tricks, hanging out in bars and being served and hanging out in ABS around men that if caught, would have been ruined. and the lion's share of the contact was initiated by me. I can't tell you how many cabbies firemen and store owners I had contact with in my grandmother's neighborhood in Queens when I was Jailbait. I'm not bragging. far from it. I was a boyscout with guys that were still thinking about "cooties" Sex wasn't on their radar yet. Government involvement is a necessary evil to protect kids from literal predators ( although in some places the laws are written to protect a certain class of predator) Still i feel if you need a license to drive or to marry. there should be a test/ license to consent to fuck. it drives me crazy that one can join the mitary for indoctrination In junior high school starting with Color Guard. One can join the military as early as 16, But while you're being taught to march and kill, one can't drive, vote, smoke, have an adult beverage or consent to having you junk slapped around by the person of your choice . its fucking wild.
  20. Ahh, that's where life comes in . Learning is repetitive. its trial and error. touch your hand to a hot surface as a little one, that memory sticks. Life teaches us (most of the time anyway), that there is no free lunch. no consequence free action. life teaches us that often when its too good to be true, it is in fact, false. the desire to grasp that consequence free opportunity, and what one has learned from life experiences will often make a man freeze. this is life outside of the matrix sadly. *slight laugh*
  21. I think we all long for a consequence free outlet to let out innerselves loose. At the tnd of the day most of us are constrained. We are forced to act in certain ways to keep the status quo. There are exceptions. Bums are so far down that they don't have to put on airs. The disgustingly wealthy have "Fuck You" money. so when a rules free no consequence opportunity comes along to let the beast out, by and large, people will choose that path. I miss the days when I had it like that, and wish I had taken further advantage of the opportunities I had back then.
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