My boyfriend is concerned about HIV - suggestions?

[bbottom26]

I've been in a relationship for over 2 years now, and we have sex all the time. We've done it raw for as long as I can remember (my boyfriend loves is and obviously I'm a fan haha).

Recently we got around to talking about possibly inviting a guy over for a threesome which got me really excited because my ultimate fantasy is to take loads from strangers while my boyfriend watches / participates, and then for my bf to be the last one to breed me while my hole is dripping cum.

Here is the issue: My boyfriend is concerned about HIV. Not to the point where he completely dropped the topic but he is hesitant about it.

I personally got over my fear of HIV a few years ago and I wish there was a way to make him feel the same way.

I used to take loads all the time so I always just assumed that I was or would become poz. I havn't gotten tested in the past couple years as I've been monogamous and I'm starting to wonder if I might actually be neg afterall since I've seen no signs of being poz.

The thing is, even if I am neg now, I honestly wouldn't care about taking poz loads if my boyfriend was on board.

Any ideas of how to approach this? I want my bf to enjoy watching me get seeded (he said he would love that) before seeding my cummy ass himself (aaah ultimate fantasy) but I dont want to make him think I am discontent with our current sex life (I'm not) by trying too hard to persuade him.

[Male22192]

Well. first off, you need to get tested and know for sure.

You don't have any gay friends that would be willing to join you in the bedroom? That

way you're with someone you all know and can get tested together to help ease your bf's

fears over HIV.

[Snarkybitch]

Well. first off, you need to get tested and know for sure.

You don't have any gay friends that would be willing to join you in the bedroom? That

way you're with someone you all know and can get tested together to help ease your bf's

fears over HIV.

This. Get yourself tested so you actually know your status. Have your boyfriend tested too, for that matter. If you guys do happen to still be negative, it might be best for you to have a close friend fuck you. Someone you both trust would probably ease your boyfriend's anxiety, and you can always pretend he's a stranger if that's important to you.

[bbottom26]

Well. first off, you need to get tested and know for sure.

You don't have any gay friends that would be willing to join you in the bedroom? That

way you're with someone you all know and can get tested together to help ease your bf's

fears over HIV.

We have a lot of gay friends but not any I would want to openly invite into the bedroom. Me and my bf both agreed it would be much more fun with a stranger because then it would only be about the sex with no potential complications in the other facets of our lives (work, family, etc).

And the thing with inviting someone who says they are neg kind of touches upon my point. I don't want to try to ease his concerns by finding someone who claims to be neg. The way I see it, if you decide to engage in bareback sex with strangers (which I did a lot when I was single) then it's unrealistic to only have sex with men who claim to be neg and assume that you will remain neg as well.

I don't want to look for guys who claim to be neg only to discover down the road that we became poz - i feel like that would be more disappointing to him.

Ideally I would like for us both to approach the subject with the understanding that we could very likely become poz and just get tested regularly so if we did we could take the necessary medication to stay healthy.

I'm not a "chaser" as much as I am a realist so to speak. When I engage in unsafe sex I accept that I could become poz and am ok with that.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is I wish I could help him accept / understand this since he's just as big a fan of barebacking as I am. I used to feel the way he feels now - loving bareback sex so much that I would never use a condom again while still being afraid of becoming poz - and all it did was make me constantly worried.

And I should explain my own status a bit better. What I meant was the last time I was tested was a couple years ago right before I entered the relationship I'm in, and since we have been monogamous I havn't bothered getting tested since then.

Thanks for the feedback, I probably should have mentioned that we agreed that we would only want to have sex with a stranger.

[Male22192]

Your boyfriend doesn't sound ready to bareback or have you bareback outside of the relationship. You shouldn't push him into something

he isn't ready for. If you do and either one of you gets pozzed up, he'll resent you for it and it could destroy the relationship.

What I see for you and your bf is 1.) Stick to exclusively barebacking in your relationship 2.) Make the strangers that fuck you, rubber up.

Sorry

[ulsterpoz]

All sensible advice. If you are going to involve other guys & enjoy raw sex with other guys then your boyfriend will have to become as comfortable with the idea of possibly becoming poz as you are. Maybe you and he could enjoy some poz porn together and see if his appetite for barebacking overtakes HIV concerns...

[tin]

I'd still recommend getting tested just to be 100% sure.

As for your boyfriends hesitations - you know what, I'm HIV+ and still reluctant to BB with strangers. There are other STDs than HIV to worry about. Outside of that, unless you are already resigned to the possibility of becoming HIV+ - finding out that you are is a huge deal. If anything, I've found that being HIV+ has made me a bit more squirely about sex.

While HIV is largely now a matter of 'a few pills a day' for /most/ people - the medications are still expensive, and depending on the strain you happen to catch (ie: the strain I am HIV+ to is resistant to Sustiva, so the 1 pill a day Atripla is not an option for me), it can create possible complications and limit your treatment options. While it is more manageable and not as deadly as it was years ago, I'd still rank it in the "it kinda sucks book" myself. For the people who accept it and find it 'liberating' to let their inner pig out - more power to them or whatever, but not everyone feels and reacts the same way.

Maybe meet a compromise and have 3ways with condoms for now. Or, instead of someone who /thinks/ they might be neg and willing to go BB, you may have better luck with someone that knows they are poz, but undetectable. That can be a bit of a mind-fuck to get over for some people. But, if some guy is willing to go raw with random strangers on the internet and /thinks/ they are neg? I'd put more trust into the guy that was open and honest about being poz and on meds.

[tboyer]

All sensible advice. If you are going to involve other guys & enjoy raw sex with other guys then your boyfriend will have to become as comfortable with the idea of possibly becoming poz as you are. Maybe you and he could enjoy some poz porn together and see if his appetite for barebacking overtakes HIV concerns...

I think this is a good idea.

I think it is romantic wanting to be pozzed with your boy friend.

I was pozzed in 82, and I started doing medication in 06

I know that your experience if you have HIV maybe different,

but being young I think you would have time for even better

drugs. If I was a young man again, I would get pozzed, it's not

good to live in fear, even if it did shorten your live by a little bit,

which is debatable, considering the drugs now, ant what may

come out.

[GermanFucker]

First of all: Get tested, both of you. You cannot start an honest conversation without knowing what your starting point is. It doesn't even need to be suspicious: You are talking about threesomes anyway.

Secondly: Being cool with becoming poz is not for everyone. For example: There is an aspect of dependency to being poz: You will have to take meds eventually and adjust your schedule to make room for doctor's appointments etc.. Some men cling to the idea of total freedom. They need to know that they could theoretically just move to a tropical island next week. Being poz would be a problem. Trying to talk them into voluntarily giving up that freedom is like trying to neuter your boyfriend. So while your boyfriend might be cool with bareback, he could also be one of the guys who will NEVER accept the idea of letting it happen. You have to come to terms with the possibility that he might never feel the same way as you.

[elemenoh]

Like what GermanFucker said above, I'd caution you against having a cavalier attitude toward becoming poz. I didn't think it would be a big deal until the day it happened. Then my life changed, and not for the better. I stayed healthy, but I've discovered lots of restrictions on what I can do, where I can live, and where I can travel. The cost of treatment to keep me healthy is astronomical, and the number of times I have to go to the doctor is way more than I ever expected. The loss of independence has been tough to deal with.

It sounds like you're in a great relationship and already have a great sex life. If that were me, I'd stick within the boundaries of what my partner was comfortable with and save the risky fantasies for when I'm alone

[evilqueerpig]

While you sound like you'd be able to handle becoming POZ, is it worth risking your relationship with your bf?

[bbottom26]

thanks for all the advice. He has been mostly open to the idea (after I made clear to him that I wouldn't want condoms) and we even went so far as making a manhunt account together the other day. We didn't contact anyone or anything, it was more of a taking a look at what's out there sort of thing. And in response to an earlier post: we have watched BB porn together and he is SUPER into it.

I don't intend to push the idea on him because I value our relationship far too much. He seems to be considering it so I'm just going to leave it as it is and let things unfold on their own.