Am I truly versatile or just schizophrenic?

[bonsaisai]

Thanks for the offer. And I assume bb, right?

Well you can top me anytime. All bottom here. In Chicago.

[Barehole4u]

Thanks for the offer. And I assume bb, right?

Yes, bareback. No pull outs.

[vrsbbltn]

Being versatile is the best thing, but it also leads to confusion and dissatisfaction. I feel versatile is the most common position, but since we follow rules and fantasies, most are bottom. I have never fully enjoyed being penetrated by another man, not even by small dicked ones, it's all in my mind, it always involves pain. Thing is, sometimes I am in the mood of getting fucked, and I am up to tolerate the pain, but most of the time, I am not prepared for it.

Also, nothing in me makes me a bottom:

- I am a dominant type of man.

- I am tall and have a medium build.

- I have a big dick and balls which get hard in a second and stays so for a very long time.

- I am masculine and serious, not that affectionate but extremely horny all the time.

- I LOVE having my dick sucked, but I don't like sucking dick, I love rimming ass.

- When in public, it's extremely hard to do anything associated to a bottom, as simple and common as sucking dick, but I can have mine sucked, rim ass, and fuck while others watch with no problems.

- When I get fucked, I avoid way too bottomish positions, I mostly just bend over, but I feel very ashamed if I lay on my back with legs up.

- Every time I jo, about 90% of the times I remember past sex sessions when I topped a hot bottom.

- When cruising, I never get excited when a guy, no matter how hot he is, shows me his dick, but I get mad when they show me their asses.

- Etc.

So that's what's hard with me being versatile, and I guess many others also go through this. I'd say the only thing that makes me bottom from time to time is the fact that it does feels great (even with the pain I get, I can tell so). I'd love to someday feel that wonderful pleasure without the pain, but I've been bottoming for about 10 years, I even bought a dildo about 4 months ago and have used it about 8 times, I'm just not interested in it. Every time I get into getting fucked, I feel as stressed, as painful, as if it's going to be my first time.

When I bottom, I'd say I do it to prove myself, to become a better gay, to better accept my sexuality and to not be ashamed of it, but people are not supportive, when in groups, or in public, when they see me getting fucked, they all have that expression in their faces (what a waste, you seem to be such a wonderful top). So after 10 years of bottoming, I have achieved nothing, just a bit more confidence.

As for fucking and getting fucked by the same person in the same sex session, I'd say that's the most wonderful thing I've experienced, but very few guys are up to it. I think some just can't, I used to only bottom or only top, because my dick stayed soft everything I was fucked, but nowadays it stays hard, so I can do both. But it also depend on the other guy and what you like, if he is vers but looks way too bottom, I'd prefer to only fuck him.

[bonsaisai]

Thank you for such a wonderful response and sharing your personal experience. It's the best so far because you seemed to understand my questions/dilemma. Other responses are interesting to read but yours really hit the nail on the head.

To boil down, the only reason I discovered my top side was when a guy let me fuck him bb for the first time after I spent the first 10 years of my gay life as a bottom with occasional toppings. I thought I'd never like topping/fucking because it's simply not pleasurable with a condom. When the condom is off, it's a whole different world--like day and night for me. Now when I'm with a big guy, I don't mind being a bottom. When I'm with a smaller guy, I like to top, preferably without a condom. However, barebacking is still an extreme guilty pleasure and an unspoken taboo. Hence, my schizophrenic dilemma!

Being versatile is the best thing, but it also leads to confusion and dissatisfaction. I feel versatile is the most common position, but since we follow rules and fantasies, most are bottom. I have never fully enjoyed being penetrated by another man, not even by small dicked ones, it's all in my mind, it always involves pain. Thing is, sometimes I am in the mood of getting fucked, and I am up to tolerate the pain, but most of the time, I am not prepared for it.

Also, nothing in me makes me a bottom:

- I am a dominant type of man.

- I am tall and have a medium build.

- I have a big dick and balls which get hard in a second and stays so for a very long time.

- I am masculine and serious, not that affectionate but extremely horny all the time.

- I LOVE having my dick sucked, but I don't like sucking dick, I love rimming ass.

- When in public, it's extremely hard to do anything associated to a bottom, as simple and common as sucking dick, but I can have mine sucked, rim ass, and fuck while others watch with no problems.

- When I get fucked, I avoid way too bottomish positions, I mostly just bend over, but I feel very ashamed if I lay on my back with legs up.

- Every time I jo, about 90% of the times I remember past sex sessions when I topped a hot bottom.

- When cruising, I never get excited when a guy, no matter how hot he is, shows me his dick, but I get mad when they show me their asses.

- Etc.

So that's what's hard with me being versatile, and I guess many others also go through this. I'd say the only thing that makes me bottom from time to time is the fact that it does feels great (even with the pain I get, I can tell so). I'd love to someday feel that wonderful pleasure without the pain, but I've been bottoming for about 10 years, I even bought a dildo about 4 months ago and have used it about 8 times, I'm just not interested in it. Every time I get into getting fucked, I feel as stressed, as painful, as if it's going to be my first time.

When I bottom, I'd say I do it to prove myself, to become a better gay, to better accept my sexuality and to not be ashamed of it, but people are not supportive, when in groups, or in public, when they see me getting fucked, they all have that expression in their faces (what a waste, you seem to be such a wonderful top). So after 10 years of bottoming, I have achieved nothing, just a bit more confidence.

As for fucking and getting fucked by the same person in the same sex session, I'd say that's the most wonderful thing I've experienced, but very few guys are up to it. I think some just can't, I used to only bottom or only top, because my dick stayed soft everything I was fucked, but nowadays it stays hard, so I can do both. But it also depend on the other guy and what you like, if he is vers but looks way too bottom, I'd prefer to only fuck him.

[bonsaisai]

- When I get fucked, I avoid way too bottomish positions, I mostly just bend over, but I feel very ashamed if I lay on my back with legs up.

- Every time I jo, about 90% of the times I remember past sex sessions when I topped a hot bottom.

Very interesting points! Nothing seems to scream out "bottom" more than seeing a man, however big and masculine, lying down on his back with legs up in the air, exposing his asshole. It's a feminine position and even a bit slutty. Sometimes when I hesitate to bottom for a guy, if he forces my legs up and over his shoulders, gets on top of me, and starts rubbing his dick in my hole, he will bring the bottom out of me and I will come along.

When I jo, I think about episodes with me as a bottom more often than as a top. When I watch porn, I get turned on more by seeing a small Asian guy being fucked by a bigger white/black/hispanic guy. Go figure!

[onlyraw]

I understand what you mean about flipping with the same guy....I started off as a bottom... getting fucked as I didnt like to suck cock..... but then my 2nd bf was more of a bottom so I started topping and loved to fuck (this was in the late 70's so I started off fucking raw,,,, and there is no better feeling that putting your raw dick in a guys ass - so then I became mostly a top...there have been only a few guys where it worked to flip for each other (one being the hot PR, Alberto, who also got me back into bb and who I think is also the guy who pozed me up, but that is a different story) but 99 % of the time I have been top or bottom

I am tall (6'3) so a lot of people assume Im a top.... but some of the hottest tops were shorter guys....(you sound really hot if you are ever in Boston let me know- would love to bottom for you)

but to get back to your question,,,, top/bottom/vers..? That is why I like the baths and sex partys,,,, you can get a little (or a lot) of both the same night with different guys,,,, I have to admit it is hot to fuck a guy when I have a load of cum in my ass..... or to get fucked by a guy who I have seen taking loads in his ass

so.... just enjoy,,,, there are enough men out there so you can enjoy it all

[bonsaisai]

Thank you for sharing your experience. Very informative!

I understand what you mean about flipping with the same guy....I started off as a bottom... getting fucked as I didnt like to suck cock..... but then my 2nd bf was more of a bottom so I started topping and loved to fuck (this was in the late 70's so I started off fucking raw,,,, and there is no better feeling that putting your raw dick in a guys ass - so then I became mostly a top...there have been only a few guys where it worked to flip for each other (one being the hot PR, Alberto, who also got me back into bb and who I think is also the guy who pozed me up, but that is a different story) but 99 % of the time I have been top or bottom

I am tall (6'3) so a lot of people assume Im a top.... but some of the hottest tops were shorter guys....(you sound really hot if you are ever in Boston let me know- would love to bottom for you)

but to get back to your question,,,, top/bottom/vers..? That is why I like the baths and sex partys,,,, you can get a little (or a lot) of both the same night with different guys,,,, I have to admit it is hot to fuck a guy when I have a load of cum in my ass..... or to get fucked by a guy who I have seen taking loads in his ass

so.... just enjoy,,,, there are enough men out there so you can enjoy it all

[vrsbbltn]

I think we versatiles will go through such dilemma all of our lives, key thing is better accept ourselves regardless we feel confused, that we don't fit most of the community's role playing, etc. Makes me think in truly bisexual men, some say it's the best, I'd say that it must be hell, specially sex addicted ones.

[smoothbottom]

Nothing strange. Different men can attract different sides of us.

For exemple, give me a big black man and I turn into an absolute sub slave, a true superior man like that can do anything to me - piss on me, breed me, poz me, slam me.. then on the other hand, put a small lean twink or asian cumdump in front of me and I just want to push them down, slap and gag them, then breed their tight asses.