Honest discussion about poz health

[makingwords]

Hey guys

Neg bottom here. Really actively started taking loads this past year and am totally honest with myself that I may test poz at some point in the future. I know it's a typical consequence of fucking raw.

My question for the poz guys here is: how has being poz affected your health since you seroconverted? I know it's different for everyone but I'm curious. Is it just the nuisance of the daily pill? Do you find yourself getting sick more often? Picking up more STDs than usual? Have you noticed the typical physical symptoms of wasting, redepositing of fat, etc. that we hear about?

What about is the best and worst thing about being poz?

Would love to hear the honest truth of what life is like with a poz diagnosis.

Thanks guys. And Merry Christmas.

[Guest]

I was diagnosed in 2008. Luckily I only had a moderate viral load...47,000 and good CD4 511. My doctor who is an HIV specialist started me on ATRIPLA...1 pill per day. I have had no side effects and my CD4 is now over 1200 and my viral load is undetectable. I feel I am healthier than ever in that I am monitored by my doctor on a consistent basis...every 3 months. My cholesterol is excellent, I weigh 180 lbs, and am 6-1....and I have not been ick at all...Quite lucky, but the meds are incredible.

[bbzh]

Worst things about being poz:

1) the health insurance issue

2) it's yours forever - a chronic illness that must be managed or it will kill you

3) dating - most neg guys run the other way

Best things about being poz:

1) once you start meds, have no side effects and get your viral load down, you can take loads worry-free

2) you tend to look after your body better - I trimmed down, attract more guys and look 10 years younger than I am

3) met and fell in love with a poz guy who is as piggy as me

That being said, I don't think anyone should aspire to be poz. And if you don't want to cut your life short on this earth, get tested at least once a year if you are giving and taking loads.

[TigerMilner]

Wow, what a great question. I just seroconverted in early March and was diagnosed after being sick for a month. My first Infectious Disease Doctor didn't want me to start meds right away. I was sick for two months, fevers, fatigue, and nausea. She told me I shouldn't be this sick. I found a more up to date Doctor who has a motto of "Hit it early, and hit it hard". He started me on Complera and Isentriss immediately. I felt better within days. The Isentriss lowered my Viral Load to undetectable within a month and the fevers stopped. But then the side effects started. Fatigue that is indescribable. It is not the same as being tired. It is a complete lack of vitality. Even lacking the energy to think or make decisions. I had a car accident because my mind was so foggy it was like being stoned, but not in a good way. Dental work that I started at the same time took forever to heal so I had to have a temporary crown in place for over two months, because the gum wasn't healing from the oral surgery that should have healed in a week-ten days. And I still deal with the fatigue. It has really cut down on my income as well because I am self employed and haven't worked as much this year due to being sick. I haven't felt like having sex as much as I did before, but I did get syphillis a few months ago. I was covered in red spots that itched and my Immunologist said I had the symptoms of a three year old case of it. We knew that wasn't possible since I had been tested three times this year and have always tested regularly as I have always had bb sex. And I am still dealing with an "unexplained" anemia that continues to get worse. Immunologist has decided after months of bloodwork that it is not related to HIV and sent me to a Hemotologist who said it is just a side effect of the meds. I dropped the Isentriss and am hoping my bloodwork shows improved red blood cell numbers next month. I'm actually hoping it is the HIV doing it, as the other options are Lukemia, Lupus, Vasculitis or Bone Marrow cancer, none of which will do well with a compromised immune system. I'm sure there are other possibilities but when I google my symptoms those are the three possiblilites that come up. And I've started having very painful muscle spasms/cramps. They have eased up since I dropped the Isentriss. Side effects suck.

I hate to sound so overly dramatic, but that has been my experience. It has been hard as I am not the type who gets sick often. Other than having cancer 11 years ago, I really have never been sick. My Immunologist says I am an exception to the rule. He says 30% of newly infected guys get sick. Only 10% get as sick as I have been. Lucky me. He says it means I have a really strong immune system and that is why I feel so bad. My immune system is fighting the HIV so hard that it is taking all my energy. And now my biggest fear is being exposed to Hep C. I am lucky I didn't get it with the HIV, but I am now more suceptable than before, and that is a bad combo as it is a liver disease and HIV meds are hard on the liver and kidneys. I am told to try to stick this out, as the one pill per day Complera has many advantages over the older meds. It can take 6 months to a year for the body to adjust to the meds. So I still have a little ways to go. If it doesn't get better by this summer, I will start the process of trying this one and that one til I find something that works and doesn't make me sick.

Fortunately, I have lost 15 lbs, which I really didn't need to loose, but my stomach looks like it did when I was 20. For a bottom over 40, that is a good thing. lol. And my viral load has remained undetectable. My CD4 cells are over 700. So, at least the meds are working, even if they are making me feel like I am dying. I have lost many friends to this disease and I have many who have lived with it for years. I always wondered why I was spared. What I know now is that if you bareback, you will get infected eventually. It took more than 20 years for me, but it got me.

I have become almost obsessively focused on my health. From nutrition, excercise (which is really hard for me now, but I do it anyway), medicine, to spirituality and drugs, I try to do what is best for my health long term. This has been much harder than I ever expected.

Was it worth it? I can't answer that, but I would say in all honesty I wouldn't do anything any differently. I hate this fucking disease and I think it is brutally unfair that it is attached to the way we have sex. There is absolutely nothing sexy about it. But when I think of the hard cocks that shot their loads up inside me during the months prior to getting sick, I wouldn't give up any of them. I know that i could not use condoms to keep from getting infected. I'd just as soon be celebate. I am a hungry bottom. It is how I am made.

[neg4deathseed]

I just have one question..has anyone seen the documentary "House of Numbers"?..that's all I have to say

[TigerMilner]

One more thought, even though I have cut way back on my sex life since I got sick, I have resumed regular activity with my most regular fuck buddy. We even went back to barebacking once I was undetectable. And even though I don't really feel up to it at the present, I can't wait til I can once again go to a sex club, bath house, or party and get filled with cum again. I did it one night recently, and though I was wiped out completely for two days, God it was good. I need a good hard gangbang with all poz tops on meds (with no co-infections!) and neg tops. I need it soon.

[makingwords]

I just have one question..has anyone seen the documentary "House of Numbers"?..that's all I have to say

Are you saying you support the AIDS denialist stance of the film?

[makingwords]

One more thought, even though I have cut way back on my sex life since I got sick, I have resumed regular activity with my most regular fuck buddy. We even went back to barebacking once I was undetectable. And even though I don't really feel up to it at the present, I can't wait til I can once again go to a sex club, bath house, or party and get filled with cum again. I did it one night recently, and though I was wiped out completely for two days, God it was good. I need a good hard gangbang with all poz tops on meds (with no co-infections!) and neg tops. I need it soon.

Thanks TigerMilner for your very honest account. This is exactly the kind of thing you never really hear. But it's the reality of the virus. Still, it's nice to hear you have no regrets. I hope you get better soon.

[neg4deathseed]

No I'm not saying that..but I thought it was a very good documentary and makes u think about what goes on in the medical industry..of course with barebacking I think there's risks..but do I think I'm immune?I have no clue..I've taken loads from guys with full blown aids(id say 3-4guys)..and I'm sure well over 100poz guys have bred me easily..but nothing ever happened..so I don't know..am I an AIDS denialist?no I wouldn't say that..but the documentary makes u think..I was just wondering if anyone saw it..I mean whether u have HIV or any disease..when we go to the doctor,we're basically guinea pigs..I mean most new presrip meds end up with class action lawsuits because of the side effects..anyway..don't want to get too off the subject here...

[neg4deathseed]

And to Tiger Milner I too hope you're health improves..so u can resume your sex life that you obviously enjoy like a lot of us

[TigerMilner]

Thanks for the well wishes. An honest discussion about poz health is what he asked for, and I am and always have been very upfront about things. I can't believe I tell you guys so much personal stuff, though. lol.

[TeenSlut]

I just have one question..has anyone seen the documentary "House of Numbers"?..that's all I have to say

haha good luck with that mate!

[HungLatinDom]

If you want to speak about House of Numbers, start your own thread or write in one of the existing ones., This thread is about POZ HEALTH ISSUES, and I am not going to let it be derailed by HIV denialism and conspirtacy theory. Any mention of house of numbers here will be deleted from now on. You can discuss the subject elsewhere, but let's not disrupt the post.

[hairyone]

I was infected in 2001. My decision was to wait as long as possible before taking the meds (the 'cocktails' were kinda new). I had several minor infections not directly related to HIV (so says my doctor) but I knew better. I also started to lose energy but it was so gradual I didn't notice until after starting the medications a year or so later when my CD4 dropped to 232 and the viral load went off the scale. After starting the medications, I started feeling great physically! My energy came back and my only side-effect was the vivid dreams from the sustiva. (I don't have those dreams anymore and kinda miss them.) So, physically, the medicines have been great (undetectable and normal CD4s)! I go to my doctor every 3-4 months and get checked for STDs every time with the regular HIV bloodwork. I've occasionally tested positive for gono or syphillis but showed no symptoms. A shot or two and I'm on my way. So, physically, it's not been all that bad. I have fairly good insurance, so there hasn't been a financial impact (thank god! the pills are a thousand dollars a month, and a single blood test can be close to that!).

Now, mentally... that's another matter. I've battled depression and anxiety. Two long-term rounds of psychotherapy, xanax on occasion for anxiety, a round of Lexapro for depression, and probably smoking too much weed for my own good.

So, makingwords, your question about poz health was really incomplete. Physically, as long as you are diligent with a good doctor, you will be fine. But, you need to address your mental (and even spiritual) health. And I don't think our medical industry is capable to address that capably.

I hope you are really ready for ALL of the consequences. You have to know you have the strength inside you to deal with it, but it can sure be tough to face every fucking day!

[makingwords]

Thank you hairyone for your honesty.

Hoping to get more responses to this thread. Any other poz dudes care to share?