advice needed - being shook down by a near-trick

[Sn00wb00red]

Looking for some unbiased advice.

I met a guy on a hookup site a couple weeks ago, and he came over, hung out for about an hour (no sex) and then took off in search of some items with my money. Then he disappeared - his cell would not answer or even ring, no response at his email (I have his legit name/gmail/cell). I wrote it off as a mistake, and don't really care about the cash.

So then two weeks later, the other night, he texts me out of the blue saying he wants to skype. When I said I was going to bed he texted 'if you go to bed it will be bad 4 u'

Alarm bells started going off, so I asked if that was a threat and to not contact me again. About 30 minutes later he then texts a blatant extortion attempt. Via *text message*!!! Blatantly saying that if I did not pay him a number of thousand dollars by a certain time this morning he would send emails about my "hobbies" to my bosses and the media responsible for my industry, and cc me on the emails. He was claiming he had some voice recording, but he didn't even have a smartphone so I am 99.99% certain that is BS.

I responded in a way that attempted to cut him off, saying that he had just committed a felony in writing. And then that if he wanted to extort me he'd have to show me what evidence he was going to send out or I would not believe him. He fought it briefly then shut up, and has not sent me any more messages since, despite the passed deadline 14 hours ago.

He does indeed know where I work, and I have a mildly prominent public identity at my very prominent company. The risk is non-zero that he could at a minimum make me scramble and embarrass me, and at most would be damaging to some degree, although not that high really. I don't think he has any actual hard evidence of anything. I have no nude pics with my face in them. He witnessed some things but not recorded or anything. He saw via web search, my house, or something I said that I would be an easy target, and decided to try and shake me down.

So I immediately contacted a lawyer I had worked with previously in another area of expertise, and got a referral to a criminal attorney and hired and discussed with them. The text message is enough to single-handedly convict, so there's leverage.

The lawyer has crafted a cease and desist letter to send to him, threatening to go to the authorities with evidence of the felony if he does not immediately cease any communication with me or about me.

Now the question is do I have it sent to him? On one hand this will scare him, and he should be scared shitless. On the other hand, he did disappear past his deadline when I didn't pay up, and this would *potentially* re-open/prolong things. If he was crazy he'd decide to escalate. But I think he's a crook but not crazy. The non-zero chance he actually damages me makes me want to have it sent to him. The potential to keep this incident alive and taking one step up the escalation chain. I didn't pay up so he may have already decided I was no longer an easy target and moved on.

Obviously this was a huge mistake on my part and I am going to be 100x more careful moving forward, and never host unknown people again, especially not while doing anything else...

So, what do you guys think I should do?

[pipesmokin'manfucker]

IMO, the 1st. thing to do is thank your lucky stars/Deity/karma/ that you're unhurt and safe. Hell, I'm glad for ya!

The 2nd thing to do, probably, is to follow your lawyer's advice.

We all of us fuck up in some way or another, sooner or later. We live. Maybe we learn. Maybe we change and/or adapt. Life goes on.

Edited April 20, 2013 by pipesmokin'manfucker

[Sn00wb00red]

The lawyer isn't giving clear advice. They are also split on whether to take this step or let it go.

[curiouspuppy429]

Mutliple thousands is too much to swing, esp if he comesback for more. You ahve to avoid him and pray he doesn't go through i fyou cant afford it. A few hundred might be doable, but thousands and thousands and you will be ruined even if you do pay him.

[Sn00wb00red]

I'm *definitely* not paying him. The question is about whether to sick the lawyers on him or not.

[whiteslutbttm]

I wouldn't send the cease and desist unless he tries contacting you again. If he does contact you, stay cool and only send lawyer-approved communications (like the cease and desist). I'm sorry you were targeted by such an asshole, but most people like that will back off if you stand your ground. Don't pay him a dime, or he'll keep cing back for more money, again and again.

[steve-tmq]

I'm with whiteslutbttm and one more thing I never do any thing that can be used to blackmail me, every one who knows me and I work with if some one would say to them "name did you know he +++++++" they would say "O realy", "yes I know do you?" or something like that. I know its hard for some to be open but in 2013 we should all work for an aceptaining and cearing serity(sorry for the spelling I am dislex......)

[Sn00wb00red]

I'm totally out at work and work is very accepting so the downside isn't all that bad, except for the drugs part potentially. But I doubt anyone would believe him. I am starting to agree that I should hold off unless he contacts me again.

[Pig Bottom]

Just wait for now, he wants the money and chances are he won't do anything. Let him know that if he ever tries to blackmail you again you will have him arrested. If he follows up with a threat, contact the police.

What I don't understand about your story is that he took off in search of items with your money.

Did you give him money or did he take it?

Edited April 20, 2013 by Pig Bottom

[Pig Bottom]

Mutliple thousands is too much to swing, esp if he comesback for more. You ahve to avoid him and pray he doesn't go through i fyou cant afford it. A few hundred might be doable, but thousands and thousands and you will be ruined even if you do pay him.

No never pay a penny in blackmail money, they will just keep coming back for more, stand your ground. Hopefully their freedom is worth more than the money they are asking for.

[Deaner]

If you do put the lawyers or police on him, is there any chance that word would get out and damage your reputation? If yes, then any further action obviously needs to be weighed with that in mind.

If not, I would say go for it. Even if he doesn't pursue, he might get the idea that you're just bullshitting him. Or worse, he'd find some other mark to do the same thing to... someone that doesn't have the brain or balls to contact a lawyer. We all do stupid things in life, but if this guy isn't above stealing your money and blackmailing you, there's a decent chance he's a no-good scum who has or will shake down others if he has the chance. Put the ass in jail if you can, or at least put the fear of the law in his mind.

In a week where we've seen terror and senseless anguish, I'd urge you not to let criminals think they can get away with shit like this. Without some form of follow-up, the guy will just walk away from the experience with enough confidence and knowledge to fine-tune his methods and perhaps be more successful on somebody else.

Don't stop with the lawyer's letter, file a report with the police too!

[einathens]

first, i hope you've learned that if you're gonna do drugs and have sex with guys off the internet, have them bring the drugs with them and reimburse them when they arrive.

second, your lawyer should notify the moderator of the hookup site where you first met the guy. you may not be his only potential victim.

[Pig Bottom]

Also don't be so quick to give out personal information about yourself as to your employment to strangers that can use things against you.

[Sn00wb00red]

Yeah, he doesn't really have anything on me - it's 95% fabricated unverifiable crap. No video, no audio, no nothing. He knew my real name, so could easily web search me for other info about employer. So I'm using a false name from now on, and not hosting anything like that ever again. That lesson was learned.

Still nothing, and we're over a day from the deadline. Since the last response I gave him was specifically to show me what he's got before I'd pay, knowing he doesn't have anything, I'm starting to get fairly confident he has moved on. I'm leaning towards unleashing the lawyers within minutes of any future contact.

Authorities, etc would be farther down the road if it continues. I don't think I'd have to do more than this private cease and desist, which does not contain any defamatory material he could use, either. And nothing like what you describe is in the realm of the possible, mrpaulca.

Thanks all for the advice.

But we'll see how I feel moving forward over the weekend.

[bb1991]

If there's nothing concrete you could always deny anything; claim you have no idea who he is or whatever.

I had a similar situation where a guy I met up with tried to extort money and more sex from me.

After the initial threats, I stopped replying all together; contact slowed down and within a week or so stopped. With no replies I think they thought I'd changed phone numbers.

Anyway, my initial reaction would be to wait and see if he continues to get in touch. After all, if you do end up having him prosecuted, it is almost an admission that everything he said was true and the court case is going to bring attention your way anyway.

Remember, he has nothing to gain from actually releasing the information to your employer or the press or whatever; it's not going to make him any money. His money is made from the threat of that happening. If he's not getting any contact from you, i'd imagine he quickly moves onto his next victim.