Jump to content

The server changes are complete, but I need assistance from (semi-technical) members outside the North America / Europe to figure out if things are working as hoped. If you can help, please follow the steps I've laid out in the Tips & Tricks forum thread. Thanks for your help!


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


PhoenixGeoff last won the day on September 20 2015

PhoenixGeoff had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

473 Much Liked

About PhoenixGeoff

  • Rank
  • Birthday 11/08/1971

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Phoenix, AZ
  • Interests
    There's a great deal more to me than just my sexual interests (as there is with all of us).

    If you are in Phoenix, I have, for some reason, laid bare a great deal of what lies within my soul on Scruff. I'm PhoenixGeoff on there.
  • HIV Status
    Poz, On Meds
  • Role
    Versatile Top
  • Background
    Been pretty much just having raw sex for 10-15 years now (with one or two exceptions). Love groups, anonymous, sleaze, showing off and lots more.

    If you are interested in the wide variety of kinks I get into or am interested in exploring, please check out my Recon profile.
  • Porn Experience
    a few appearances for BearFilms.

    Would love to do more.
  • Looking For
    My ideal fuck is in his 30s, 40s or 50s, built large but solid and powerful, can get kinky, has facial and/or body hair (but male pattern baldness can be sexy!) and is pretty promiscuous and experienced.

    If you party with T, I'm sorry, but we're not a match. Any other drug use on your part is fine in moderation.

More Info

  • BarebackRT Profile Name
  • Recon Profile Name
  1. I don't do the hookup sites and apps much at all these days because of my frustration with them. 1) There's the "Facebook FOMO" effect they encourage. They put out this idea that all of this sex is happening out there except for you. The reality is that no-one is probably hooking up online as much as you think they are. But because you think it's happening, the whole thing seems to end up making you frustrated. This site kinda does it too (everyone posts about their hot hookup, no-one posts about the other nights sitting at home watching TV). In fact, I don't think there's a way of solving this problem except to shut down the sex sites and the internet altogether, which I've been doing more and more lately. 2) Hookup sites and apps, especially those geared towards barebacking, seem infested with drug use. Which isn't a problem if that's your thing. And maybe that's where the money is to be made, in which case, cater to the partiers like Nasty Kink Pigs does. But that's a really annoying thing for people who don't do drugs, and that's a really dangerous thing for people like me, who have had drug problems that we're battling. Plus, no judgment, but many people who party will lie about their drug use if it will get them laid. So self reporting is not sufficient. So I stay away. I'm not sure how you fix that either. 3) People use hookup sites for more than hooking up. Starting with fantasies and masturbation fodder. Or they might be thinking about hooking up, but maybe just going to bed also sounds good. In other words, how do you ensure that everyone online is actually ready and willing to have sex? Again, BBRT and other sites try to do this by flagging a status, but, again, people are really crappy at self-reporting. 4) All of the sites have a habit of leaving people logged in for a long time after they're actually gone IRL. The sites benefit by being able to inflate their "active" figures, and the users like it because, even if someone messaged them hours ago while they were gone, they still get that little dopamine hit of attention being paid. But for messengers, it leads to questions of "Is this guy blowing me off? Or is he just away?" Plus, people online will just leave conversations abruptly in a way that would be completely rude in real life. The conversation will be going great and you're getting ready to head out, then *poof* he vanishes. What happened? Who can say? 5) Liars generally. Not naming names, but I happen to know people who have not updated their pics on BBRT in over 15 years. Or there's the cousin of liars: marketing. Morbidly obese men giving themselves "linebacker builds." "Boys" who are old enough to be grandfathers. Pictures taken through so much vaseline on the lens and artistic mood lighting and photoshopping that it's sometimes hard to tell if you're supposed to be fucking an actual human. Not to mention guys who have be 35 for at least the last two decades. How do you fix all this? I've got no fucking clue. For a while I thought some kind of review system might help, but the reality is that that would rapidly turn into a raging morass of bitchy queens all throwing shade like rampaging divas. Although maybe a way of sending someone a private anonymous message might give someone the opportunity to give a gentle nudge to correct some shady behavior. So my current solution is this: I go out. I meet people. I go to sex parties (carefully selected, where I know that drugs aren't welcome...again, that's my weakness so no judgment if that's your thing). I do things like game nights and having people over to dinner and hiking and so forth and that often turns into FWB. Which is a lot healthier. The internet promises us that you can do human relationships more efficiently, like ordering a book from Amazon. Up 'til now, that has proven to be a lie, albeit a seductive one. I doubt it'll ever be as good as the real thing, although, sadly, enough people may find it to be "good enough." I've known people on FB (which I have also quit outright) who are like that. But if you think you can get it right, then more power to you. Good luck!
  2. Is stealthing morally okay?

    There is a really good point in here. A lot of jurisdictions here in the US have statutes that state that if you have HIV and you have sex without disclosing, then your ass can be thrown in jail. Yes, even if the guy you bred was lying blindfolded in the sling in a bathhouse. Yes, even if he doesn't convert. I haven't heard of it happening, but it could. All it would take would be one bitchy queen who converted and got mad at the world to lash out and take out his frustrations on you. Better by far to cover your ass.
  3. Is stealthing morally okay?

    Why not? Just because we're sex pigs doesn't mean we're amoral bastards. Never heard of the classic "hooker with a heart of gold?" I am very up front with potential sexual partners about my strong preference to bareback. I won't say I'd never use a condom because it has happened, but there better be a damn good reason. Especially nowadays in this age of PrEP and undetectable men. Communication is key. My profiles have my HIV status all over them. They are also very up front about barebacking. Weeds out a lot of the "safe only" guys. I highly recommend it.
  4. Tweakers And Shy Tops In The Desert

    Phoenix definitely has that reputation. I dunno...seems to go in phases for me. Much of the time all I can find is bottoms who want my load (especially if I'm hanging in that back corner in the Anvil). But sometimes I get surprised and I'll get hit up by guys looking to top. I try to keep a good circle of friends I can call on to drop by for a little fun. And the summer time pool parties can be entertaining. The flakiness is real too. Hell, I had guys who were moving here from out of state hit me up. Things would be going great in conversation but when it came to actually meeting, the conversation would end. I'm not sure if Phoenix attracts those types or creates them, but they're annoying. I'm sometimes up for a fuck, though I've been spending a lot of my free time visiting my new partner in San Diego.
  5. Why Do Republicans Hate Gay People?

    The problem with the fiscal conservative position (low taxes, minimal government, free trade, low regulation, union busting, etc.) is that that is exactly the formula that has destroyed the middle class in this country. That's the Reagan formulation that has been conservative orthodoxy for the last 40 years. And, coincidence of coincidence, the problems we face with income inequality, lack of decent paying work, etc. all started with the Reagan years and have gotten worse and worse as time has gone on. That's not meant to exonerate the Democrats. Bill Clinton basically abandoned the labor roots of the Democratic party in the 90s. He embraced outsourcing manufacturing overseas. He deregulated the banks and laid the foundations for the Great Recession. In short, he adopted exactly the stance you advocate and killed off the long-term prosperity of much of the country. Obama was supposed to be different, but was basically Clinton redux. Even his signature legislation, the ACA (aka Obamacare) was policy lifted from the Heritage Foundation and first implemented by a Republican governor. The US has not had anything like a left wing party in decades, and people who work for a living have paid the price for that. The reason Republicans are anti-gay is the same reason Democrats are pro-gay. As a fairly small but visible minority, we make a very convenient political football that distracts the voters from the fact that the Democrats and Republicans long ago settled on a pro-corporate, anti-labor agenda. Therefore, they play up the social issues because that distracts from the real issue: the fact that the country is being bled dry. Trump is good for the country in this sense: he's revealed the depth of the economic problems in the country. The very fact that he could get elected at all gives me some hope that, in spite of all the "fiscal conservative" brainwashing that has been flowing out the mass media, there may be some hope of actually attacking the problem head on. Trump isn't the solution. But at least he's revealed the problem.
  6. barebacking and exhibitionism

    I'm not sure that the two are directly connected, at least not for me. I think gay men generally are more prone to get into kinky/extreme sex. Maybe its because we overcome some pretty huge taboos when we first come out and start chasing other guys rather than girls, so the later taboos hold a lot less fear for us to break through. I actually got into exhibitionism before I started routinely barebacking. Some of my earliest experiences were in cruisy parks, where I might end up giving or getting head in front of several other men (there wasn't too much fucking that went on there). Later I discovered back rooms in bars and they too became a favorite place to have sex, again in front of a crowd. My love of fucking bare only came along a bit later. But when it did, it fit right in with my love of showing off.
  7. Older Bottoms. How do you get what you want?

    So in part this is just a natural progression. There are some younger guys who love fucking older men (see here), but they tend to be the exception rather than the rule. Some guys tend to settle down a bit as they age, which pulls them out of the fucking pool. On the other hand, some start getting into topping more and more (that's happened with me for sure). First bit of advice: if you're not already, start taking care of yourself. In your 20s and 30s, a lot of men look hot even if they're overweight, have drug problems, smoke, don't eat well, etc. By the time you hit your 50s, all your bad habits start catching up with you. Premature aging from smoking really sets in. Heavy drinking starts to become more apparent. The large solid build of a 20-something bearcub starts sagging. There are men out there who are in their 50s and insanely hot. There are a lot more 50-somethings who do not look good at all. At that age it's largely determined by habits. Second: opportunities to bottom will start to taper off a bit. That's natural. There's something that seems to draw more young men to bottom and more older men to top. That's been true since ancient times. So, as much as you can, run with that thought. I can tell you that no matter where you are, it's always easier to find a man who wants your cock than it is finding one who wants your ass. Finally, like others have said, figure out if you want quantity or quality. A hot young man might get both. Most older guys have to settle for one or the other. If you want quantity, then lower your standards. If you want quality, then understand that you'll probably get less dick than you were previously used to and try to build up a stable of regulars.
  8. How to be a Top, and how to find a Bottom Daddy

    First off, congratulations on branching out. A lot of men find one thing they like and that's all they do. But variety is the spice of life. So the first bit of advice I'll give you is...relax. You're 21. You've got a lifetime of sex ahead of you. And personally, I can attest that it gets better as you grow older. In part that's because your own skills will expand and deepen (kudos again on branching out). In part, it's also because the skills of the guys you're with will as well. So here's the good news: finding a man to at least hook up with will not be hard. There are a lot of 40+ men out there who would absolutely kill to land a guy like you. And, it's a notorious problem within the gay community that the supply of bottoms far, far outweighs what the tops can provide (again, you want to be part of the solution here...you really are awesome). So you can afford to be a little picky when it comes to finding the right guy. The first bit of advice I have for you then is to be up front in your profiles about what it is that you are looking for. In your case, your ideal sounds like a "Friends With Benefits" set-up rather than just randomly hooking up. It is also perfectly legitimate to specify that you are only interested in men who identify as gay and who are out of the closet. A good way to test the waters with a guy (in case you are still having residual trust issues after your experiences) is to ask to meet him the first time at a local gay bar if you have one. That way you can feel him out in person in a public place. It also ensures that he's comfortable enough with his sexuality to walk into a gay bar. I would also be very up front in your profiles that you are not looking for a sugar daddy. Sad to say, there are young men your age who are, and many older guys are on guard against that as a result. Incidentally, you are also absolutely right to avoid men who are unwilling to stand up for proper treatment. Frankly, I'm not sure why you are running into this so much, unless it's internalized homophobia. I can assure you that I myself and none of my friends who are 40+ are anything less than fully supportive of gay rights. Many of us have been a part of that struggle in one way or another (I personally used to volunteer with a group that worked to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell). You shouldn't expect anything less. If you are having trouble finding men in your local area and/or if there is no local gay bar, I suggest expanding your search to look at nearby cities. Depending on where you live in the south, you may want to look into guys in Atlanta, New Orleans or Nashville, which all have gay communities of a respectable size (Atlanta especially). If your transportation options are limited, it's still possible that you might run into someone in one of those cities that might be eventually willing to take a chance on coming to visit you. You mentioned Grindr and Growlr. I'd add Scruff to that list. In some places I get more hits off Growlr, in others more hits off Scruff (I don't use Grindr, but that's because their clientele skews younger and that's not really my own personal thing; you will run into older guys looking for guys like you there). It's hard to know which is more effective in advance. Have a face picture publicly available there yourself and insist that the men who contact you do too (another way of filtering out the closeted types). You can also check Adam4Adam and barebackrt (though not the latter if you insist on condoms...see below). Personally I find that Craigslist can be kinda sketchy. Lots of meth users and closeted guys and married men and the like. But that might just be where I am, so feel free to check it out. As for learning how to top, the basics are pretty straightforward. You're going to let him do most of the cocksucking. Basically, when your cock comes out, he needs to be on his knees in front of you. Let him get you good and hard. If you want, and want to signal you're willingness to fuck him, you can reach down and start feeling up his ass or fingering his hole. Older gay men who bottom will typically be pretty experienced with it, so he'll absolutely be able to help with direction. In general, you want to make sure his ass is well lubed, as is your cock, and when you first go to enter him, you take it nice and slow, especially if you're well hung. Once you're inside, hold it there for a bit while he adjusts to you...you'll probably feel his ass open up a bit. That's your cue to start fucking, gently at first, but as he gets going, you can pick up the intensity a bit if you want. Where you go from there is really all on you (and your feel for the guy you're fucking...pay attention to what you're doing to him so you don't get too intense...unless intense is what he wants!) You made reference to rednecks preferring "unsafe" sex. So, this site being what it is, I'm going to endorse their willingness to bareback wholeheartedly. This is a very good thing. You will rapidly discover that fucking a guy with a condom on is nowhere near as much fun (although it is true that fucking is always pretty damn good...fucking raw is incredible). My suggestion to you is that you look into whether or not your health insurance will cover PrEP, which is basically a pill you take every day to protect you from getting HIV. It's also true that there are other STDs out there to worry about. Your best defense there is to have yourself tested for syphilis, chlamydia and gonorrhea as well as HIV every three to four months (or, of course, if you have symptoms). Each of those diseases is trivially easy to treat if they are caught early. It will absolutely help if you are fucking non-closeted guys and keep to just a few FWBs that you fuck routinely. But definitely get on PrEP and then definitely make your bottoms happy by fucking them bare and cumming in their ass.
  9. 2017 Load Tally

    Dammit I've already lost track. Maybe next year.
  10. Do courses on how to cruise successfully exist?

    Number 1: Don't apologize (I know, I know, British habit. It's fine, just dial it back a bit). Remember, self confidence. You're presenting a problem here. That's (in part) what this place is for. If we weren't interested in helping then we'd ignore your post. OK, as for what to say after "Hi." I've added a sample profile from BBRT (first one that popped up on the worldwide listings for me). Let's say this guy is doing everything right for us. How to proceed? First thing I check: does he have anything in his profile that disqualifies him right off the back? From my perspective, he's versatile, so we'll find something fun to do. He wants to host, and I'm fine with traveling. He's negative, but at least open to sex with poz guys, so he may be fine with me as I'm undetectable. My big concern is that "Ask Me" next to drug usage. Might just mean he smokes pot now and then, but maybe he's got a serious drug problem. Or maybe he just ignored the question when filling out his profile. So I'll ask about that if it comes to it. Next, how do his interests line up with mine? He's into Daddies, Tattoos, Truckers, Bears and Leather. I can pretty comfortably fit into most or all of those categories somehow, so it seems likely he might be into me. Also, we like a lot of the same activities (Anonymous Sex, gang Bangs, Exhibition, Voyeurism, Kissing, Rimming, WS, Group Sex, Fucking...all good things.) So on the basis of what he's told the world, I think I'd likely be into him, and there's a decent chance he'll be into me. Looks promising. So I'll shoot him a message, and open with something complimentary. Because BBRT is just for hookups, we can be pretty direct. No-one is expecting Romeo and Juliet here. Now this guy's profile is pretty generic (kind of a good example of what not to do actually), but he did mention his location and cock size. It can be a good idea to work in some of the details he mentioned in his ad, which tells him you actually read what he wrote and that you're not just sending the same old email out to every guy on the site. So maybe here's my first pitch: "Hey stud, your pics and profile are fucking hot. I'm about ten minutes away from Oak Lawn and would love to come over and get off with you." Plus unlocking the pics. So that's me being versatile...I just want to get in his pants and don't really care who fucks who. If I was looking specifically to top or bottom tonight, I'd probably mention that right up front. I won't go into much more detail than that; he can look at my profile after all. This email is pretty much just to establish that I'm interested and also that I've noticed that he prefers to host. From here's it's pretty simple. If he messages back expressing interest in you, then you move to asking about any potential problems or dealbreakers. Here's where I will ask him about his "Ask Me" next to drug usage. Because he says he's negative, I will also explicitly mention my HIV status to make sure that he's noticed it and still wants to bareback with me. I do this because in the US, there are laws in some states about people not disclosing their status to partners. So that covers my ass. Also, it's just the right thing to do. "Hey man, before I head out, I wanted to ask you about the "Ask Me" next to drug usage on your profile. Do you party? Also, just so you know, I'm HIV+ undetectable. Hope that's cool." Assuming his answers are acceptable, I'll then get his address and phone number, give him an ETA and off we go. Another possibility is that he responds and says he's not interested, in which case you just move on to the next guy. But the most likely possibility is that you just hear nothing. So this isn't necessarily a rejection. BBRT might be in a background window on his computer and he hasn't seen your message. Or maybe he just logged out and the system hasn't caught up yet. Or maybe he has another prospect on the line he's trying to land but if that falls through he'll take you. Or maybe it is a rejection and he's just too rude or lazy to respond. Or maybe he's just trying to figure out what he's going to say. BBRT will let you see if he's checked out your profile or read your message. If he's done either of those and not replied in the next 15-20 minutes, then you can assume that he's not going to get with you, at least not tonight (though generally if guys are interested but just unavailable, they will tell you). You don't want to turn into a stalker here. I think if you like, you could try messaging him one more time on another night in case he was just busy or forgot about your message or whatever, but if, after that, he's still ignoring you then he's probably just not into you. So because you seem to really need a clear, logical cheat sheet, here's a flow chart.
  11. Do courses on how to cruise successfully exist?

    So the first thing to understand is that everyone experiences these feelings of difficulty handling social situations to varying degrees. I myself am more introverted by nature and always had a very hard time making friends growing up. So I would suggest that this is probably the first thing that you need to tackle. You can attack this on two fronts. The first is relatively easy: gaining self confidence. The way you do that is by going out and doing and accomplishing things. Over the years, I've done this by taking on new challenges (a lot of the stuff I did in the Army was like this) or by going out and doing new things. If you're not doing it already, I've also found that working regular exercise into your routine works wonders in this department as well. I have a friend here in Phoenix who was kind of loose ends after he retired. At one point he just decided to start changing things in his life. He quit smoking, quit drinking, started walking and hiking every day, and just ran his first 10km race. The change seems to have changed his mood and personality very much for the better. The harder part lies in learning how to relate to people. One clue I might have seen in your post is that you seem to be looking at people as means to an end a bit. If you are going out to socialize just with the object of having sex, try reframing your expectations a bit and just going out to meet people. Most people really appreciate it if you can learn to relate to them as a person: take interest in what they are doing, find out what's happening in their lives, offer support when they're having trouble. Once you start doing that, the opportunities for sex will start turning up. One key to making friendships is looking for commonalities (beyond the obvious sexual ones). If there are organizations you're interested in (like a leather group perhaps), try signing up and committing to show up to their events. I know here where I live, there are groups that get together just to play board games. Facebook can be an obvious place to find out what people are interested in. Once you start meeting people on that basis, you may find that the opportunities for sex follow along. In the meantime, by building friendships, you're also adding to your self confidence and hence your attractiveness. It should also be pointed out that having a strong social network is also highly correlated with personal happiness. And don't limit your socializing just to men you're attracted to. Make it a goal to be able to meet someone new each time you go out, and learn their face and name and phone number (I find exchanging phone numbers to be an excellent way to learn names and faces...I just ask for them in the context of adding them to my phone's contact list). Make a point of saying hello to anyone you recognize who's out again that night, whether they're your type or not. A little kindness and concern for others goes a long ways. None of this is easy. But making and maintaining friendships is a skill. Like all skills, some people have more of an affinity for it than others. But also like all skills, everyone can benefit from practice. So the way you do this isn't to read up on a WikiHow or anything like that. You go out and do it. And perhaps fall on your face once or twice, or put your foot in your mouth, but you learn from your experiences and keep at it until you're good at it. Incidentally, just by doing all of this you'll start learning how to pick up on all those cues you're missing without even knowing that you're doing it. The more you can learn to concentrate on other people and the more you pay attention to them in non-sexual ways, the more you will learn how to read people, quite subconsciously. That, too, is a skill, and one that is also developed with practice, not theory.
  12. Do courses on how to cruise successfully exist?

    Yeah, that's kind of the problem. The online sites have displaced a lot of the action that used to take place elsewhere. I guess a lot of it really boils down to knowing where you live and what kind of action can be found where. And, of course, if getting laid really is a priority in your life, you probably should be looking at finding somewhere to live that will support that. Conversely, if you need to live in a smaller town with fewer guys around, understand that part of the price you will pay is less available action. In which case, travel is probably your best bet. You can use the online sites to help things along. When I was a truck driver, the mobile apps were pretty much my lifeline for finding guys. But my experience is that they'll never be as reliable a means of hooking up as a good cruisy bar used to be.
  13. Eunuch or Nullo?

    Personally, I like sex with men in all its manifestations. That includes playing with and enjoying his cock and balls and getting him to shoot a load. I love it when a bottom I'm fucking gets hard. I also love all the myriad things testosterone does to the male body, and testosterone is produced mostly by your nuts. So no, I'm probably not going to get into fucking a eunuch.
  14. Do courses on how to cruise successfully exist?

    1) Online hookup sites suck. Especially if you live outside of a major city. You may get some action from them, but never as much as you think seems likely. 2) Having said that, I've noticed that there are certain things you can do to improve your odds a bit. First of all, have good, high quality, recent pictures. Try to have them taken by someone with a good eye for photography. Include a good face picture. Don't be shy about showing off. Second, you probably don't want to mention inexperience too much. Never mention anything that could potentially turn away guys for no reason. You've had enough experience to know what you like, which is all that counts. 3) You don't mention this, but if you are the shy type, waiting for others to approach you, you need to get over that. Send messages to men you see online that you are attracted to. Avoid "oinks" and "woofs" and the like. They do express interest but little else. Far better to send a message that says something like, "I love your profile, your pics are hot, I saw you're into X, that's my favorite thing, what are you doing tonight?" Actually read their profiles, don't just look at pictures. You may find someone with a common interest who could become either a friend or FWB (or a fuck or a relationship). 4) Become comfortable with rejection. Hooking up is a numbers game. There are going to be a number of "nos" before you get to a "yes". Try not to get hung up on that really hot guy you know you'd be perfect for (I can be guilty of this). If necessary, block his profile so you don't get all stalkery. 5) When you find a good fuck, and he's into you, keep up the relationship. A good stable of regular fuckbuds will help keep you happy.
  15. Tips to increase libido?

    The supplements and everything are great and all that, but I've personally found the biggest boost to my libido has been diet, exercise and sleep. WRT to exercise, I think weightlifting boosts my testosterone and hence my desire to fuck and my hardons. Cardio, especially longer distance higher intensity (e.g. running for 30 minutes+) on the other hand, seems to boost the size of my loads for some reason.

Other #BBBH Sites…