Am I being ridiculous?

[bigdick4you]

Am at the moment in open long distance relationship... I travel a lot for work and am longer periods off so that I can meet up with him regularly...he is 36 and still a student who lives at home.... So most of the expenses when we go out and hotels are paid by me. The problem is that when I go out together with him to gay bars I tend to become very jealous if somebody comes up to us and starts a conversation and If I feel that they r interested in my bf... I become then kind of rude and standoffish towards people...he is a very social person and expects same from me...like yesterday we went out and he started talking to some guys... Most of it was light conversation and I don't think he was sexually interested in them. What put me over the edge was the fact that for some reason he ended up taking picture of one of the guys and asked for his email address so he could send it to him.... Needless to say that I felt very jealous at this point.... We went back home and had argument...when we are not together he wants to know always what I'm doing and if I have sex with other people... Do u guys think I'm being ridiculous here and should cut him some slack or that he is doing it on purpose as he knows I get jealous?

[hole2use]

I think you're being a psycho, but on the flip side I also think your bf asking for the dudes email was not only to send him a picture. Don't be crazy, but don't be stupid either.

And for the record, when you date a man in his 30's that's still in school that's one thing. But if he is still living at home with Ma and Pa it's time for you to cut your losses. He isn't worth the time or money (or all the psychotic episodes he's causing you to have).

Dear Abby OUT!

[bigdick4you]

I think you're being a psycho, but on the flip side I also think your bf asking for the dudes email was not only to send him a picture. Don't be crazy, but don't be stupid either.

And for the record, when you date a man in his 30's that's still in school that's one thing. But if he is still living at home with Ma and Pa it's time for you to cut your losses. He isn't worth the time or money (or all the psychotic episodes he's causing you to have).

Dear Abby OUT!

We have open relationship.... But I just think u don't ask for somebody's email if ur bf is next to u and u know how he probably is going to react.... Am not stupid but really don't think this guy was his type... But it is the way... My problem is that this makes me feel sad and insecure... Something I don't want.... As I think u should be feeling good next to ur bf and not have all these issues.... And then on other hand... When I'm not with him.... He wants to know exactly what I'm doing and with who I'm sleeping.... And then I think.... R u kidding me!?

[rawTOP]

As the song says "if you love something, let it go..."

The scenario you describe sounds like the beginning of a breakup. I know you technically have an open relationship, but you're not acting like it and monogamy/jealousy can break up relationships like nothing else. It's not just the "cheating" - the flip side of the coin is that insecurity isn't sexy. People don't like being around it so they move onto something better.

[hole2use]

We have open relationship.... But I just think u don't ask for somebody's email if ur bf is next to u and u know how he probably is going to react.... Am not stupid but really don't think this guy was his type... But it is the way... My problem is that this makes me feel sad and insecure... Something I don't want.... As I think u should be feeling good next to ur bf and not have all these issues.... And then on other hand... When I'm not with him.... He wants to know exactly what I'm doing and with who I'm sleeping.... And then I think.... R u kidding me!?

If your relationship is open then you have no right to be jealous! And if he makes you feel so bad when you're together then MOVE ON!

[Pig Bottom]

Stop being jealous, the fact that he asked for the guys email in front of you means that he is not going behind your back to get it, If you are jealous don't have an open relationship, If he wants someone else there is not much you can do. Men are dogs, let him have his bone and get your own,

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

Had Pig Bottom not posted, I would have started saying substantially what he did.

WRT jealousy. That is not ever going to help YOU, and stands a great chance of driving the relationship to an early closure. hole2use, rawTOP points are equally valid. In school, living with mom/dad are both characters of someone not quite ready for a relationship. He seems to be acting as if he is in an open one, but you are not. Did the two of you actually discuss what you MEAN when you say "open relationship"?

[bigdick4you]

He is not cheating as we r in open relationship...and he actually is very open and honest about what he does with others...I was actually the one that didn't always mention what I had been up to...I did not mention that there had been lots of drinking involved,,,,and for some reason I turn than into ridiculous jealous monster.... And I know....not very attractive...ur guys responses made me actually realise how ridiculous I have behaved...

[LBRaw]

My guess is that you are both running on auto-pilot. There is probably little to no actual communication between you. Other than deciding where to go out for the evening and arguing following your nights out what do you guys talk about? How about your relationship? Taking anything for grated does not work.

Think about what you want, then tell him. Ask him what he wants, then talk about it. Don't get angry, do not argue. Talk.

Find out if you have anything to salvage. Find out if you want to continue.

[NLbear]

You remind me of myself when I was in my late 20s/early 30s. I was extremely jealous when someone came on to my bf, but thought I had all the right to fuck around myself. He didn't, so thought we were in a monogomous relationship. Very immature and selfish from my side looking back at that period (that was 20 years ago). We broke up eventually of course. I was just not ready for a monogomous relationship and not certainly not ready for an open relationship. I may be now, don't know. Been single ever since. Don't think I am a "relationship" guy. Having mates seems more important than having a partner, although both have their pros and cons.

[bbjoca]

First of all stop drinking. Alcohol is a jealousy driver. Second of all - Jealousy is ALWAYS a choice. I chose a long time ago (like 15 years ago) NEVER to be jealous. Sometimes to the point that my boyfriends have told me that "I don't care" about them, which is, of course, ridiculous. But you can actually take away the breeding ground (! ) for jealousy by ditching the alcohol, first of all, and secondly to train yourself to get rid of those feelings. Not to mention, an open relationship doesn't deserve jealousy.

On the other hand, your boyfriend could actually be a bit more sensitive about your feelings, to. I mean, if you don't see him that often...

[bigdick4you]

First of all stop drinking. Alcohol is a jealousy driver. Second of all - Jealousy is ALWAYS a choice. I chose a long time ago (like 15 years ago) NEVER to be jealous. Sometimes to the point that my boyfriends have told me that "I don't care" about them, which is, of course, ridiculous. But you can actually take away the breeding ground (! ) for jealousy by ditching the alcohol, first of all, and secondly to train yourself to get rid of those feelings. Not to mention, an open relationship doesn't deserve jealousy.

On the other hand, your boyfriend could actually be a bit more sensitive about your feelings, to. I mean, if you don't see him that often...

U make a lot of sense in what u say...alcohol triggers something that I'm not particularly proud of.... Normally also not really jealous type...when I'm with someone that I feel comfortable with...the truth of the matter is that lately is that the sex hasn't been so great.... I have the feeling that I need to ask for it and it has lost it's spontaneity...another matter is that I have certain issues with being open... Although I don't really lie ....I hide certain things....like the other day that he was away for few hours and I was alone at hotel.... I asked him if he would mind if I would hook up with someone via gay hookup site... He told me he didn't.... So I had guy over.... When he asked me if I had hooked up with someone.... I told him no....don't ask me why as I sure didn't need to lie about it...few days later I came clean.... This upset him and he keeps saying he can't really trust me as this hasn't been first time...

[einathens]

is what you're getting out of it worth what you're putting into it?

if yes, then you two need to have a serious term-defining discussion alone and sober.

if no, break it off. no 'let's be friends/let's be friends with benefits.'

just tell him it is absolutely over and make sure it stays that way.

[bigdick4you]

is what you're getting out of it worth what you're putting into it?

if yes, then you two need to have a serious term-defining discussion alone and sober.

if no, break it off. no 'let's be friends/let's be friends with benefits.'

just tell him it is absolutely over and make sure it stays that way.

The truth of the matter is that I care for him a lot.... But he doesn't make me happy...sex is not spontaneous .... I have to ask for it a lot....whenever I ask him if he is still attracted to me .... He says yes.... My FB's r totally different.... They r always ready for sex but I would like to have that with my bf.... It kind of makes me insecure...not sure what to do...

[NLbear]

I also read your other thread. Man, you're heading for a disaster IMHO. You have a long distance relationship with a guy in his 30s who is a student and still lives with his parents. You get jealous when he receives phone numbers from other guys when you are with him, yet you claim to have an open relationship. You lie to him about having hook-ups yourself until a few days later when you come clean with him. You're not satsfied about the sex with him as you apparently want it more often than he does. And he doesn't make you happy even though you care about him.

I think (but that is just me!) that you should get out of that relationship. For you it is frustrating you do not get out of it what you want. You want to fuck around and claim to have an open -agreed- relationship, but when you tell him he gets upset. You obviously do not get all the sex you want with your BF. You feel guilty about having sex with other guys so you don't tell your BF until a few days later and then feel guilty.

You are simply not ready for a relationship in my opinion. Open or closed. Break off the relationship and agree to be just occasional fuckbuddies. Or just good friends. Be single and fuck around until you tired of that and really feel you want to settle down with a guy.

I understand your situation. Have been in it myself. Obviously me and BF split in the end.