Trying something 'old fashion' dating! Lol

[Fuckmesl]

Lately I've been getting bored of the meaningless sex meets, where I can't even remember the guys name. So decided to asks guys on dates. Nothing swish just coffee shop meets, bar or cafe. But the reaction I get from guys have been really sad. When you ask a guy for a date there shocked even petrified of the situation! Worse of all they are follow poz guys! It's like we can fuck do t but for Christ sake don't get to know me. Why as gay poz men are we scared of this old fashion interaction? Where conversation are not high or on drug breaks. Is this self loathing? Or has the idea or notion of romance dead in the poz community ? After all we can get married now,well in some countries away!

[einathens]

dating makes you vulnerable. what if he doesn't like me? what if he thinks i'm a dork or a jerk? what if he doesn't want to see me again? in theory, sex without context removes that. you get right to the end without having to go through the beginning or the middle.

i don't think that romance is dead, i think that a lot of guys feel that the time for it has passed for them. and that's a shame.

i'm interested in what you mean by 'nothing swish.' why would you think that dinner, conversation and some other form of entertainment was emasculating?

[Fuckmesl]

"Nothing swish" meaning not posh. Just relaxed vibe in other words

[fisterm8]

id love to date someone or even have a long term partner as i tend to be a relationship type of person...........was with my ex for 14 yrs however find things have changed with internet and most guys dont want a coffee,beer or anything that signals to seeing them more than once or twice.......for me i dislike the emptiness after a NSM - sometimes ive wanted to see a guy a second or 3rd time but they are "always" busy (excuses) then you hear from them 1 yr later out of the blue wanting a quick shag.....i honestly dread what type of life any young guy will have in the future if he cant find someone who he can become close to,love,cuddle and share the joys of an everyday friendship/relationship and living together with a partner.......i guess the "normalisation" that random one of meets is all they can expect and will accept it there being no real alternative...........older gay guys have fought tooth and nail to get society to accept "gays" and for equal rights,civil ceremonies and marriages,etc and to me - whats the fight been for if actions of gay guys seem to be flowing in opposite direction to that?......its great to feel that you are wanted and loved,etc and living with your partner - i only wish i could find someone again to share my life with but i have to accept this may never happen...........ive no fear of dating a poz guy or a closet poz guy - lets face it - my general statement is most guys using dating sites for random shags are POZ wether they admit it or not.....guess im old fashioned and love honesty and dating

[Guest BBSeroMan]

I like dates. Date RAPES.

[einathens]

many, if not most, gay men will have sex on the first date. i will have sex as the first date.

while there is a certain efficient logic to 'fuck first and see if dinner would be a waste of time,' you lose the part where you get to know the other person as a person, not just a meatpuppet filling a vacancy in your bed.

dating can be scary. also expensive. and first dates can be sheer hell. i for one hate having to iron a shirt and be the most charming, non-intimidating version of myself.

that being said, there's nothing like finally finding a kindred spirit, someone you want to spendtime with when you're both clothed and vertical.

sex is about self-discovery, and journeys are better shared.

[barecubtop]

It's been awhile since this topic was active.  Does anyone have anything new to contribute? 

I, for one, am interested in dating also...I get lonely and I want someone to connect with for more than just getting off.  But, as the posts above suggest, gay men seem to either be afraid of connection, or the effort, or taking the risk of connecting.  That's sorta sad.

[AirmaxUK]

You're not the only one looking for something more...  I have a number of fetish interests and the list keeps growing. It's a big ask to find someone who'd be interested in a relationship and shares all my play interests, so over time I have come to believe that "play" is a separate thing to the physical side of what you share in a relationship. I'd never want to suppress my play interests for the sake of a relationship, but I'd be happy to emotionally commit.  It's a tough job finding guys who understand this - guys seem to be very binary in their approach: no commitment playboys or monogamous commitment love puppies.  My approach so far is to go to events, clubs, etc. and talk to guys - engage in person, play, see where it leads. Online sites work well for no-strings hook ups but there don't seem to be many guys looking for more around. 

[CumSlutDamien]

On Friday, May 24, 2013 at 9:58 AM, einathens said:

many, if not most, gay men will have sex on the first date. i will have sex as the first date.

while there is a certain efficient logic to 'fuck first and see if dinner would be a waste of time,' you lose the part where you get to know the other person as a person, not just a meatpuppet filling a vacancy in your bed.

dating can be scary. also expensive. and first dates can be sheer hell. i for one hate having to iron a shirt and be the most charming, non-intimidating version of myself.

that being said, there's nothing like finally finding a kindred spirit, someone you want to spendtime with when you're both clothed and vertical.

sex is about self-discovery, and journeys are better shared.

That's the problem with mixing dates with hook-ups. If one is on a date, I feel it is best to not jump right into sex. Dating is about getting to know someone for a long-term goal. Plus, when dating someone, if the emotional chemistry is there, the sex doesn't have to be perfect to be meaningful.

[Toon]

My thoughts:  We've been brainwashed by hetero movies and assorted media. Gays are just different (brain and body). I always wanted a relationship like I'd been conditioned to expect. I tried dating in my 20's and it just never went quite right. I couldn't manage a "Danny and Sandy" or a "Ross and Rachel' situation. It's different for us. I'm not saying courtship isn't possible, just saying that it may take a little extra effort on our part. Just a theory.

[bbzh]

I think it all depends on where you are looking for a real date. I wouldn't look for one on a chat site unless that chat site is designed just for that. If there are people on there looking for quick hook-ups, you will likely find guys who pretend like they are looking for more (perhaps because their friends use that site) but they really want just casual sex. 

Also I have found it more interesting to meet guys through my hobbies as opposed to only surfing the internet. And of course it's always helpful if your friends  can introduce you to people in their circle. 

There are a lot of gays at my job, but I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of dating people that I might have to encounter in my daily work. I did fuck one guy a few times but he's since left the company (whew). 

[MuscledHorse]

nothing wrong with dating. I have a couple fuck buds that i have become friends  with and we have date nights and stuff where we can hang out and have diner, watch a movie or just chat. The problem with the whole failed hetero model (see low marriage/high divorce rate plus entire country music catalog) is gays are trying to copy it an guys aren't hardwired for monogamy. The guys I'm dating already know I don't do monogamy and they will have in me a loyal guy they have to be comfortable seeing get bred and used by piles of guys. The happier couples I've met are the ones that don't buy the social/church marketing that sex = love and can play and get off on seeing each other play and still know who they come home to/for. A good relationship is a good friendship. Dating with that in mind and not social-sexual monogamy will make it a lasting, fulfilling and pleasurable experience.

[bbzh]

Dating is often about presenting the best version of yourself to others and hoping that the other person falls for you. It also involves being vulnerable. You can't be vulnerable or fall in love sitting behind a computer screen ordering up sex like you are ordering a pizza. You will learn some hard lessons. Love will make you crazy, happy, and sad sometimes and it will help you grow. If my last bf had said, I am an alcoholic, HIV+ self-absorbed drag queen who is bad with money and sleeps around, he could have saved both of us a lot of time. But he didn't and at least I know what I don't want going forward. LOL.

I don't criticize gays who seek out a monogamous relationship. Not everybody wants a cumdump boyfriend - and it's not so much about trying to mimic heterosexual relationships, sometimes it's about health. Trust me, I've had to take off work and go get a shot because my bf was whoring and caught something. I just think everyone needs to have a think about what they want and need from a relationship and then try to hook up with a like-minded individual.