Barebacking: My Close Brush With Hiv Infection

[VoiceOfReason]

Here's the story:

Now, I have had sex with HIV infected men before mostly protected but a few that were barebacked and had been fortunate in staying negative given those were one time events. This story is about my ex that I was exclusively with in having bareback unprotected sex for a 9 month period. I had gotten tested in September of 2008 for HIV and was Negative, my partner at the time told me he was also tested, was HIV negative as well and was in a strictly monogamous relationship of 5 years before we got together with his ex. We had sex at least 3 times a week every week for those 9 months doing just about everything you can think of. There was even a time I went to sit down on him to ride his dick and he came immediately.

In May of 2010 he fell ill with a fever that was 102 steady and included a headache that also wouldn't go away for 2 weeks. His sex drive went way down, and when we were sexual he didn't cum as much. I began to notice things about his body were changing as did he. Finally he decided to get tested and not only found out he was HIV Positive but had full blown AIDS. Turns out according to the medical readings he'd had the virus for years and didn't know. I somehow was once again spared and unbelievably so was his partner of 5 years. Needless to say sex between us stopped immediately even after I got tested and was cleared. It was what happened to him afterwards that really woke me up to the severity of HIV/AIDS. Seeing and living with someone who has it really changes your view. Although still together, his diagnosis changed our relationship forever.

He went downhill very fast after finding out he was infected. He went from 145lbs to 120lbs in 2 weeks, his T-Cell count that was at 92 when diagnosed went to 74 the following week, then 42 the week after. He developed a bacterial brain infection called (toxoplasmosis) that he apparently got from our cat that I had to get rid of. The toxoplasmosis is what almost killed him - and that consisted of a bacterial infection that ate the vitamin B out of his brain cells and when the bacterial defecated those enzymes created lesions in certain areas of his brain causing memory loss, swelling, and in some cases dementia. He had all of that. He couldn't keep any foods or drink down without it being vomited up hours after ingesting. He was on all types of medications for the many opportunistic infections that he now developed including mouth sores, bleeding gums, and lesions around his anal area. 2 of the drugs he had such an allergic reaction to that he developed a skin rash, that covered him in bumps overnight, and then blotched together to literally turn his skin a different color. The doctor that we saw told me had he waited another day to come in his skin would have gave and begin to peel off!

After all of this went down, and eventually he came back from the brink of death he's doing much better now. There's still a few drugs he's gotta take for LIFE besides his HIV meds because of the advanced infections but nevertheless is living and in better shape. I know from now on I'll take the feel of a condom over a life that is filled with doctor visits and chronic sickness.

[Walkerth139]

I'm glad he is doing better, this disease is not always an easy thing to live with. Best of luck to both of you.

[TigerMilner]

Good to hear he is better. I commend you for staying with him. Most guys would have bailed. This story again underscores the importance of testing regularly. If he had found out sooner, he would be in better health today and would not have suffered as much. I don't share your resolve to use condoms, though I do tough them out when a man uses one, but I am a major proponent of regular testing. If you bareback, you need to have a testing routine.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

Actually I the way VoR presents his story the guy is his ex now. Agree with regular testing. That is essential to PrEP, not only for full STI panels, but also liver and kidney health.

VoR does rightly remind us that HIV is still often more than a simple pill a day condition. Just read the "what 's it like to be poz" posts. While there have been great advancements in treatment, we still have brothers dying from this, and many go through a Rocky time with treatment. This does not imply then that we should all rubber up. Condoms are not all that effective either.

Tiger as you mention, regular testing is part of the solution. Knowledge about health, all, not just HIV helps. Finally understanding that all life eventually ends, and the quality of our time seems to be what is remembered way more than the memorial "he was safe his whole life".

Bare sex is not just a gay priority. Back in early sixties as "the pill" came to market millions were finally able to "go bare". PrEP is the new "pill" that helps prevent the pregnancy that is HIV. Within humanity there have always been some who want to always be pregnant. Others try to not be preggers.

[rawTOP]

The moral of the story is don't be like VoR and his ex - get tested regularly for HIV - even if you think you don't have it. As the example of his ex demonstrates - bad things can happen when you go too long between tests. IMHO, you should get tested at least every year, if not more frequently. And never go more than two years between tests. Ever.

HIV is a pain in the ass, but these days the problems VoR describes can largely be avoided by timely treatment. There's no reason for people to go through experiences like the one he describes.

[bbzh]

What I took away from this story is that many men are uncomfortable with getting tested regularly perhaps out of fear of finding out the truth and destroying the illusion of being able to say I'm neg. The guy who is my bf now was one of my regulars when I pozzed. When I told him, he dropped me because he was in a relationship. He said he got tested after that (but lied). We got back together nearly 2 years ago and I applied nonstop pressure for him to get tested. He found out he was poz. He theoretically could have pozzed me as his infection was not new. His CD4 count, by that time, was low enough for him to have become full blown had he gotten an opportunistic infection. He has been on meds for over a year now and is healthy as a horse (to his dismay, he has gained weight). But I'd rather have him with a little extra weight than to be burying him. If you start dating someone, you should go get tested TOGETHER. And even if you are not in a relationship but give or take loads, even just once, you should get tested at least once a year, preferably anonymously every 6 months. We were both lucky. And didn't have any side effects from the meds.

[versgeek]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_birth_control_methods#Effectiveness_of_various_methods

Condoms aren't 100% effective in even perfect use-case scenarios, so get tested if you're having any sort of sex. And I'd recommend getting tested every 3-6 months depending on how often you're having sex. Waiting to do it once per year seems like way too long unless you have very few partners and are very careful.

HIV isn't the only thing you can get and most of the other things you can get through oral sex. Syphilis can (in uncommon situations) be transmitted through kissing if the person has sores in their mouth.

[wood]

What I took away from this story is that many men are uncomfortable with getting tested regularly perhaps out of fear of finding out the truth and destroying the illusion of being able to say I'm neg. The guy who is my bf now was one of my regulars when I pozzed. When I told him, he dropped me because he was in a relationship. He said he got tested after that (but lied). We got back together nearly 2 years ago and I applied nonstop pressure for him to get tested. He found out he was poz. He theoretically could have pozzed me as his infection was not new. His CD4 count, by that time, was low enough for him to have become full blown had he gotten an opportunistic infection. He has been on meds for over a year now and is healthy as a horse (to his dismay, he has gained weight). But I'd rather have him with a little extra weight than to be burying him. If you start dating someone, you should go get tested TOGETHER. And even if you are not in a relationship but give or take loads, even just once, you should get tested at least once a year, preferably anonymously every 6 months. We were both lucky. And didn't have any side effects from the meds.

bingo..

To the OP, you are lucky, a guy with that high of a viral load easily could have infected you. Glad he didnt. Also maybe you should consider PrEP if you are nervous about HIV still. Taken correctly its actually more effective than condoms at preventing HIV infection.

[haireebear]

What I learned from this story: Get rid of my cat.

[barefootbob]

What I learned from this story: Get rid of my cat.

Only if you have a weak or weakened immune system. I have two cats and I have ZERO health issues. One does need to apply care when cleaning the literbox such az washing your hands and cleaning the box daily. But to get rid of your pet, a member of your family, over fear something MIGHT happen, is unconscionable.

Do you bareback unknown status? That carries far far more risk