HIV Statuses & Hookup Sites

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

i am with Tiger on this point. Before i started PrEP my serosorting was for poz guys on meds. They're the ones most aware of actual status. we have to teach each other... that said i think THIS is the place to educate. Maybe a facility for easy hyperlinks from bbbh.com to breedingzone.com?

Edited December 31, 2013 by JizzDumpWI

[GreenChaser]

OK, I hear you guys. My plans to sort of deprecate HIV status on BBBH.com are now scrapped simply because some of you live in locations where HIV status is important to disclose. But for the people who lie when they're asked, I'll let people choose to hide their status from certain groups of people. Maybe that'll result in fewer liars.

so, some ppl can not disclose? i'm way confused.

[bearbandit]

Eloquent and accurate as ever, Tiger.

[hungry_hole]

That's the fallacy of reporting "neg, last test xx/xx/xx"...

I'm not saying that providing the date of the last negative test would guarantee an HIV-negative guy but at least it provides more information. A level of "piggyness" (number of partners, anon/non-anon) since the last HIV-neg test would also help. Having sex with somebody who tested negative in 1999 but no sex since may be safer than with a guy who tested negative 2 months ago but who is a cumslut (high level of piggyness). Just more information that would allow guys to make the decision to go bareback. Not full proof, but better that what we have now.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

true, no guarantees with "neg" guys... and that is the point. Agree something closer to a full dossier would give better information. But failing that poz no meds, poz meds, prep or unknown are really the only accurate broad categories. we need to stop the delusion that neg is somehow safe. might be, might not be.

[seaguy]

To me I think it is best just to be up front about HIV status, and everything else. We all have had that hookup where someone lied about things and that tends to sour it. Honesty is the best policy.

[rawTOP]

To me I think it is best just to be up front about HIV status, and everything else. We all have had that hookup where someone lied about things and that tends to sour it. Honesty is the best policy.

But my point is that a lot of guys will lie if they are asked to tell their HIV status to a complete stranger. So maybe let those guys loosen things so it only appears to buddies, or to guys of the same HIV status, etc. Telling everyone to disclose doesn't really help if that feels threatening.

[Poz1956]

If a guy is going to lie, regardless of how you present it, he will still lie.

I like Bttm2go's suggestions. It should be there, but give me some control over who sees it.

Is it really important that Everyone see it, or only really relevant when there is actual potential for a hook-up? If there ain't going to be a hook-up, how is not showing it up front a violation of disclosure laws?

Maybe behind the scenes if a guys is filtering for only Poz or only Neg guys, or only Undetectable guys, it takes it into account. I don't show up in his filtered list, but I'm not exactly outed either.

I've been Poz for 30 years, and I've gotten every response under the sun to revealing status. Most of it pretty hostile. Including a setup for a pre-sex bashing just for chatting with somebody for a few weeks to get a feel for what kind of guy he was, before disclosing my status. It was even negotiated safe sex - with his pre-discussed choices of what we would do - and they were at the most extreme edges of safe. Afraid of a little undetectable Pozzie cum INSIDE a condom, where the load wasn't even blown while in his ass, but perfectly willing to beat my head in with a tire iron. Tell me, which would have been of more risky to him? Some neggies are insane!

That was fairly recent, so I'm a little over cautious these days.

Even after 30 years of doing it, revealing status is not easy. My gut gets tied in a knot, and I almost hyperventilate before hitting send. Most of you who have chimed in are really comfortable about it, and it's not difficult for you. I suspect that those who find it easier are in multimillion population bases. I think it's worth adding the point of view from someone who still struggles with it.

I never lie about it. But I hate that everywhere I turn, somebody's always screaming "The Possies are ALL Liars." Heck even in post 14, Poz friendly RawTop said "a lot of guys will lie if they are asked to tell their HIV status to a complete stranger." It's virtually impossible for an undetectable Pozzie to "stealth" somebody, but a huge number of threads on here spew that BS in our face.

On other sites that ask it, and display it openly to everyone (Manhunt, DaddyHunt, A4A) I choose not to answer it, period. My status is only relevant if I've passed through their other very shallow checkbox requirements (age, dick size, height, weight, furrieness, musculature, etc).

I've had enough stigma in my life from gossip queens, and whisper campaigns, and outings on message boards. Am I reinforcing stigma by not wanting to scream it - perhaps, but I fight it in other ways.

Obviously this is a pretty out handle. There's not exactly a lot of identifying info about me here, is there? I know I wouldn't use something like this on a hook-up site.

Edited March 13, 2014 by Poz1956

[99037]

Personally, I'd rather see Syphilis and Gonorrhea listed. I already have HIV.

[bearbandit]

Even after 30 years of doing it, revealing status is not easy. My gut gets tied in a knot, and I almost hyperventilate before hitting send.

Despite an ocean between us, I can't get over how much we have in common with our experiences of HIV. Maybe it's come from our being diagnosed so early in the epidemic, or just the fact that we've each experienced other's fear of us as HIV+ guys. For me the defining moment was in the Block in London in maybe 1994: there was this American rubber guy there and after the initial grope and search for each other's tonsils we paused for breath. As soon as I said I was HIV+ he walked off. At that moment I promised myself it was never happening again. All my online profiles say I'm poz, but the level of fear and ignorance about HIV, especially in Wales, mean I don't get a lot of hits...