A lesson for anyone who see's or trusts "neg, ddf"

[wood]

I was at a friends this past friday having a couple after work cocktails. We were discussing life, and guys, etc, when testing and PrEP came up. I hadn't seen the guy in a while, so I explained PrEP to him ,and why I was on it. I also explained how when on PrEP you need every 3 month HIV tests, but I did this anyway so it was easy for me to do it. He then explained to me that "Oh yeah its been a while since my last test" I pry a bit further and find out that he had not been tested in SIX years!! This is a guy who is mostly a bottom, and admitted to me that he had slept with 3 guys in the past week after breaking up with his BF of six months. Now I didnt judge him, but told him he needed to get tested ASAP, and we were going the next day. He was nervous as hell, and had 4 cocktails at 9 am before going and had four cocktails at 9 am just to get the courage to go, but long story short he is neg (as of 3 months ago)

This brings up a great point however. This is a guy who said he was neg, and DDF on all of his profiles, and wanted the same, yet he had no way of knowing. He said is is mostly safe, but as we all know it only takes once. This guy truly had no idea what his status was, and could have been infecting others. I dont judge him for it, but it should serve as a word of caution for anyone who trusts peoples profiles.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

'nod', I just came across a BBRT profile that claims he's negative with last test 4/13/11; more than 3 years ago. The good news, he shows his last test was too long ago to be anywhere close to reliable.

We all need to keep teaching each other.

[Rayne]

The phrase, "Ignorance is bliss," comes to mind. Too many people are naive, and too many think they are "fine" because of one thing or another; and yet, in fact, they have no fucking clue. I don't understand it, but I won't condemn them for it. I haven't trusted anyone's word for the past few years, and it's probably a big factor in why I stopped wearing condoms. I was once okay with trusting a person's words, and then proceeded without any protection, so why would knowing the truth behind their words make a difference? I figured I'd just take the risk and be knowledgeable about it, instead of fooling myself.

I'm sceptical that people will come around to think more appropriately. Given the way wood's mate handled the idea of getting tested, I'd say too many people are living in a world of denial.

[TigerMilner]

Often men are infected by someone who does not know they are positive. Status should probably be more accurately described as "Unknown" if you have had unprotected sex even once since your last test.

[Rayne]

Often men are infected by someone who does not know they are positive. Status should probably be more accurately described as "Unknown" if you have had unprotected sex even once since your last test.

Agreed, though I'd slightly change it. I'd say- unless you have test results that were conducted after a two-three month hiatus, and you haven't had sex with anyone since that last test, AND your test came back negative, then you're clean. Once you've had sex with anyone, your status should be considered "unknown" until you've repeated the exact same testing methods. Elaborate? Maybe; however, it's the most accurate way of knowing.

Since nobody really bothers to go that in depth with their testing, I don't really believe anyone who claims they're clean. If they appear to have an infection, or if you think they are infected, then it's your call on what to do; just don't think a condom is proper protection (by any means), as they do have a decent failure rate. If you believe them, then just don't be surprised if you come up positive for an infection. Shit happens.

[seaguy]

to me i would fear not know that i had a virus in me that was going untreated when there are treatments for it, more so than i would fear the test and wait for the results. putting shit off only makes it worse in the end and in cases like this that could mean you unknowingly spread it to others.

[bearbandit]

"clean"? I had a shower this morning - most people with HIV find the use of the word "clean" offensive.

To me, the world of sex is divided into two halves: Poz and Unknown. Poz is self explanatory, but "unknown" needs a bit more explaining. Your last HIV test may have come back negative, but are you sure you hadn't just picked up passengers in the fuck before the last test? It can take up to three months before antibodies can be found, and in that period your viral load (and infectivity) is soaring. Similarly, are you sure that you didn't pick up passengers in your first (or fiftieth) fuck after a negative result. The only people who can be sure of the HIV status are those who've tested and got a positive result.

This is why neg/neg serosorting falls down: it's impossible to prove a negative. Could be you've just picked it up, too soon for antibodies to develop. Or it could be you waving your last blood results under the nose of the guy you're about to fuck: "three days ago, huh. Who've you fucked since then?"

Moreover the standard HIV test is a snapshot of your blood up to three months ago. Drug free I'd believe, while recognising that even after all forms of therapy there can be still a compulsion to use again. This was recently illustrated by a friend: we'd met expecting sex and decided we were better at playing Scrabble on Facebook. In the process of packing he found a baggie of meph, took it and turned up on my doorstep wanting sex. I was horrified that he'd ridden his bike while so off his face. I talked him down, was prepared to give him my bed while I slept on the settee, but he was so embarrassed he wanted out. I'm ashamed to say that I allowed him to ride home still stoned. Not heard much from him since. I'd guess that embarrassment plays a part in this... He'd been drug free for a year and is a lovely man - just we aren't right for each other.

Summing up: I don't believe guys who say they're negative and any hint of drug use beyond the socially acceptable beer or three is not on. I discovered that my last boyfriend drank a litre a day - of bargain basement whiskey. Ironically he was the local fuck party organiser; many potential guests, on learning that he was fucking with a guy with HIV stopped attending his monthly parties...

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

... and yet. THE one they needed to fear was him, not you... You have a largely controlled virus. Who the hell knew with him?