Found out I'm HIV positive last month, freaking out - crying for help or support here

[TigerMilner]

Look at Poptronic's thread from a few month's back. He survived. We all survived. You will too. It will all be OK. You will be ok. We will all be OK.

[jtonic]

I know i will survive if the treatment works well

but i still can't help but feel undesirable and basically stigmatized for the rest of my life

i wasnt exactly hot hookup material before... being asian and kinda boyish.. now it's even worse.

[jtonic]

if anyone has some time to chat.. im desperate

on Skype: jtonic00

[jtonic]

no one wants to talk to me??

please reach me on Skype jtonic00

[TigerMilner]

Settle down JT. I'm sending you a Private Message. In the meantime check out HIVster.com It's one of my favorite sites and it will for you too. It will give you plenty to read. And will answer questions you don't even have yet as well those that you do. You will be Ok.

[Guest PozGoat]

See your doc and tell him/her you're experiencing possible anxiety and/or depression.

HIV ain't nothing to sweat but I understand the adjustment period.

You're worrying needlessly. HIV ain't that big of a deal nowadays.

[jtonic]

I asked my doctor and we're discussing treatment for anxiety/depression.

I'm also seeing a therapist, as well as a social worker who helps me connect with other poz guys in Montreal (I'm not ready for support groups yet, but 1-on-1 Skype/phone support is preferred).

I'm not worrying as much about health or lifespan. It's the social/sex aspect that I'm concerned with.

I had time to settle down, and actually created a profile on barebackrt.com to check things out (as someone told me it was a poz-friendly hookup site). It looks like mostly older men are into me. I haven't found a single gay guy around my age (20s). It's nothing like Grindr. This is making me feel very insecure about how things are going to be for my sex life. If anyone in their 20s can give me advice on their own experience (how their sex life was before and after being poz), I would love to hear your comments.

[pozgingerbearbttm]

I'm in a similar boat to you. I was diagnosed mid-April and I'm 28. I've had one or two "serious relationships" and they've ended VERY badly. While I'm caucasian and therefore don't have to deal with the, let's call it what it is, racism that you have, I've been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder since I was 18 and have been struggling with depression, anxiety, mania and suicidal urges since I was 8. No, that's not a typo, my first suicide attempt was when I was eight years old. I had pretty much given up on ever finding love BEFORE I tested positive, since after all, who wants a boyfriend who's literally insane and even on disability because work environments can be stressful enough for me to get panic attacks or even get suicidal. 

I'm telling you this because I met someone. He likes me for me. He knows I have HIV and mental illness and he thinks I'm awesome. He's handsome, kind, clever, funny and honest. It's new, it's not even officially a relationship yet (my diagnosis is too recent and he's fresh out of a relationship) but it's heading there quickly. I'm not telling you this to brag but to explain that there's always hope. There's someone out there right now that will think you're amazing for being you. Don't give up hope and be prepared to meet someone in a place you don't expect. I met my boy in a support group. Best of luck, and be strong.

[cumslut23]

Jtonic, It's been almost a year. How are you going?