asking if you're poz - honest?

[Jnjbarebkhusbands]

Sometimes people are indenial about their health....

they will tell others they are safe, but in all reality the are either uncertain or chose to ignore the results given to them.

[Hairypigaz]

What I find amazing, is the ads, profiles etc here where I live and people have neg in their profile and you know for a fact they are poz, I don't really understand that. On bb sites, I say that I am poz, on non bb sites, I do not, but on non bb sites, I am not looking to hook up with any one. I use those to talk to friends or make new friends, nothing sexual. But if by chance I do start talking to someone on those site about hooking up, I tell them that I am poz, I can play safe or bare, but I always let them know upfront if it ever comes to that. Another question that would be interesting to find out from neg guys on bb sites is; you advertise for neg only, for me, I would assume most people who are on a bb site are poz, how can you trust the person who is on the site saying they are neg? How can they trust you saying you are neg? This is just something I have always thought about and wonder what others think about it also. Neg guys, I would really like to know what you think about this.

[bottomcub85]

I do my best to disclose my status as early on as possible in my interaction with a potential fuck. Online, this means that my status is included in my profile. In the bars, I bring it up in conversation. My policy is that if I'm having sex with a guy who's HIV-, then he gets to decide which risks are acceptable and which aren't (although if he insists on either one of us using a condom, I'll walk away from the trick).

I treat baths and other anonymous kinds of places for hooking up differently. If you're being promiscuous with multiple men you really don't know and fucking raw, then you've really already made your decision. So in that case, I won't actively volunteer my status, although if asked I do answer truthfully.

Rationality is sexy too!

[Guest]

"HELL" that's my middle name. Then you gotta think, why do we hang with the devil and then play dumb like we are clueless angels?

A guy is neg, he chooses to go out to sex clubs, bath houses or meet up with strangers online without a pocket full of care (condoms)

So if he allows bareback intercourse to happen. He's not really worried about taking RISKS!

Great quote from above: "My policy is that if I'm having sex with a guy who's HIV-, then he gets to decide which risks are acceptable and which aren't (although if he insists on either one of us using a condom, I'll walk away from the trick)."

The last part of that quote about the trick wanting to use a rubber, now if the guy was extremely hot, fuck it, let's rubber it up.

Although I would be disappointed to wrap it up, I'll take the sex if the hotness outweighed the conflict of raw sex.

I was so turned on by one experience where, I have tried to be the good boy, whipping out the lube and condoms. Only to find that my topper

chose to use the lube only. "Oh big D, I know u took advantage of me but I Sure did love having your jizz inside of me 3x that night"

Absolutely no regrets!

[hungry_hole]

...A guy is neg, he chooses to go out to sex clubs, bath houses or meet up with strangers online without a pocket full of care (condoms) So if he allows bareback intercourse to happen. He's not really worried about taking RISKS!...

I agree so much with shadowgames that everyone has to take responsibility. But some consideration on what kind of hook-up. If I were poz, I think I'd like to top, I would have trouble not disclosing my status once I've established an inter-personal connection with a guy. Lets say we meet for a coffee, or even if I went to his place.

If I were poz I would prefer anon places, such as backrooms, saunas, sex-clubs, parks. And if someone actually asked me for my status I would have no problem saying that I don't know or that my last test was HIV-neg. Anon sex is all about fantasy. I;ve been asked if I'm married or if I'm a policeman and I alkways say whetever they want to hear. So if I got asked they would like me to say that I'm HIV-neg so we can have sex so that';s waht I would say. Plus, maybe the other guy is not telling the truth either.

If I were poz I would have no guilt about having anon sex. I'm not sure about stealthing in more inter-personal hook-ups, where you know the guy more.

[Guest]

rawTOP, I totally disagree with you. Your attitude on this is frightening. Okay, so a workman comes to your home and he knows he has TB. He says nothing and you get TB. How would you feel? I know it's not a direct comparison, but sorry, you do have an obligation to disclose. No question about it. You do. You don't feel the poz top should have to bring it up!? Of course he should! You can't assume that the bottom should or will and you cannot assume because he is barebacking he is poz! Did you ever stop to think perhaps he is on something? Or maybe has bi-polar disorder and is not in full control of his mental faculties? The good advice is that people who know their status need to reveal it HONESTLY and those who don't know, need to ask, need to say "I don't know." Then each person is more responsible for his actions.

Like I've said before, disclosure of status means nothing when two people make a conscious choice to bareback. Let's say the top is unsure, or just got tested, but has fooled around within the window period. Is he poz or neg? The bottom/top has the power to make wear a rubber or call the sex off. The bottom too is taking the risk in believing the top. (For sake of ease in making the point, I'm going to designate the Neg bottom & Poz top) The point is, making a conscious choice to engage in unsafer sex with someone is taking that risk. The power that each of the two persons have is simply using protection or call the sex off. Wrap it before you tap it if the risk of HIV/STDs are your specific top priority.

If each party decides to take the risk because the priority for sexual gratification is greater then the health risks, then asking a persons status

really doesn't do much. It's not protecting you. The condom will. All your doing by asking the sex partner their status is to falsely ease your conscious. If the Poz dude lies, that is part of the risk that you are taking. Some people lie and steal. Some people want to save the planet. You can't control the world but you can control your actions and destiny.

So as I end my essay of a picturesque scene of rolling green meadow fields, adorned with wildflowers and happy bunnies. I'm gonna log off so I can bareback the cunt sleeping in my bed.

[Guest]

For those who do not advise their KNOWN poz status, bath house or not, there is a special place in hell waiting for you.

Haven't you seen south park the movie? S a t a n: is gay and everyone has a gay'ole time down there! I've got my "shit packed" and ready to go.

[Guest]

I'm coming at this as someone who's pretty proactive about disclosing my status and I have to say that I don't agree with this analogy at all. What are the odds of any one workman having TB? Pretty slim. That's not something that I can reasonably foresee when I hire someone to come into my home.

On the other hand, if I'm going out and having raw sex with guys who bareback routinely, there's a damn good chance that some of them are going to have HIV. That's just the way it is in the gay community these days: a sizable proportion of the sexually active men out there are infected. And as a result, I can reasonably foresee that some of them are going to be poz; it's just the nature of the game.

If you're neg and you bareback, you absolutely know that you're going to run into guys who are poz along the way. You accept the risks you're comfortable with and you take your chances.

If I don't have HIV and I choose to have bareback sex with strangers, whose decision is that? Mine. If I get drunk or high and go and hit the bath, whose choice is that? Mine. If my bipolar disorder is untreated, whose responsibility is that? Mine.

I've personally been living with HIV for about eight years now. That was a direct result of choices I made: mostly taking loads from guys, no questions asked. Why are you trying to absolve me from responsibility for actions I chose to take?

Well done! MountainMan! My thoughts exactly. It just sounds like Tom's comment was bashing the top / the suspected poz one. The responsibility works both ways. If a neg slut wants to go out there and take loads. It's his choice. If he hooks up with a poz dude then suddenly neg boy is a victim? The poz dude automatically becomes the bad guy who didn't take responsibility? Also, the comment on someone being under the influence of drugs or has a mental illness, like bi-polar, is not another excuse to lay more responsibility and blame onto the poz guy.

When I was 17-20 I used to go to raves and do tons of drugs. I had anon bareback sex all the time. I never asked status. In the back of my mind, I knew I was risking the fact that this dude could be poz. I had the sex anyways because I wanted it. Another time I met a guy at a club, we went to my car and had sex. I had condoms in the backseat of my car. I could've taken it out and made him put it on. I let him eat my ass out and then he plunged his cock inside of me until he exploded. The condoms were right there! Yet I chose not to exercise that right.

Choice made. I never became poz from my crazy college days but even if I did, I wouldn't be blaming the guys who fucked me. I could've easily grabbed those condoms & used them.

[bbblktop4u]

It's real simple, and I don't know why people don't realize this.

Whom ever cares about contracting HIV or any STI/STD it is their responsibility to ask. The idea that you can expect the other person to be an open book is bullshit. While it would be nice that someone would come out and say oh by the way i got xxx or xxx, you shouldn't expect that even if its something you regularly do yourself. Next you have to consider if they say they are poz they are most likely telling you the truth, possibly because they are bad liars and they feel you will see through their lie, they have a conscience and would regret the lie, or because they know there are still plenty of dudes that will fuck with them poz or not. If someone says they are Neg its a toss up, and the only real way to know if the other person is telling the truth, is to get tested together and compare results which unless you were attached at the hip from the time the test was take until the results were read. Finally is the "unknown status guys" in my opinion if you dont know, its because you think you have something but dont want to get it confirmed by a test. Guys who regularly get tested have a good idea and usually can present that when asked,

ex. A bottoms asks a top, the tops says I don't know but I get tested every x months and my last test on XX/XX/XX was XXX so if they say i think i am XXX they are probably being honest.

Now regardless of the answer you get it's your responsibility to still decide if its a truth or a lie, and short of verifying test results you have to rely on intuition (or your gut feeling) which unfortunately most guys don't because they just want to fuck or get fucked, in which case you are the one who is telling your self a lie to justify getting some of that dick you wanted so bad. Think about it, if the guy you asked was physically what you wanted but you hada feeling he was poz but he said no, in your mind you can justify all the reasons why he might not be, on the flip side if the guy was not even close to ideal, but you will still fuck if you truly believed he was NEG there is a possibility that if your gut said NO you would listen to it and pass on the encounter (that is unless you are under the influence and you judgement has been compromised).

So again my thoughts are if you are concerned about getting something (which many are) its your job to ask.

[bobbie]

What I find amazing, is the ads, profiles etc here where I live and people have neg in their profile and you know for a fact they are poz, I don't really understand that. On bb sites, I say that I am poz, on non bb sites, I do not, but on non bb sites, I am not looking to hook up with any one. I use those to talk to friends or make new friends, nothing sexual. But if by chance I do start talking to someone on those site about hooking up, I tell them that I am poz, I can play safe or bare, but I always let them know upfront if it ever comes to that. Another question that would be interesting to find out from neg guys on bb sites is; you advertise for neg only, for me, I would assume most people who are on a bb site are poz, how can you trust the person who is on the site saying they are neg? How can they trust you saying you are neg? This is just something I have always thought about and wonder what others think about it also. Neg guys, I would really like to know what you think about this.

I am a neg Bottom and I am on several bb sites. I am a chaser and get really turned on by the risk of taking poz cum in my ass! I think when a neg says "neg only" he's into being stealthed...but, hey that's just my opinion.

[rawTOP]

It's real simple, and I don't know why people don't realize this.

Whom ever cares about contracting HIV or any STI/STD it is their responsibility to ask.

Agreed. I'd add that if they're that concerned they shouldn't be barebacking in the first place.

[straycowboy]

I'm negative, and std free, as of my last tests, but should I ever get one, yes I would honestly tell the bottom. Honesty, friends, and relatives say is actually one of my faults.

[Guest bbosouno]

This is an old thread but here's my 2 cents and Rawtop said it plain and simple - if you're worried about getting "something" then don't bareback period. I don't understand why people complicate things - stick with condom use, dental dams, whatever if you are so concerned about "safety." I'm poz and will only have BB sex with other poz men, no stress, no "20" question games, no legal issues, no negative guy having "hook up remorse" and pressing legal charges - I would love to see how those guys pull that one off with the police!