olly Posted March 10, 2015 Report Posted March 10, 2015 i met my boyfriend 1 and half years ago and I was poz. So I started on medication to keep him safe and I was undetectable. Now I moved in with him, our sex life isn't great, he avoids sucking me off, he doesn't like to rimm. We even don't snog. All he wants to do is me put condom on and he just bends over for me to fuck him. I even don't know what making love is, I talked about me want to break up and he just said, 'you just gonna end this relationship just cause of those' I have very high sex drive and I'm just bored of just fucking him, and it only lasts 5 minutes. We both love each other a lot. I just need advice, I am 29 and my bf is 23.
Moderators drscorpio Posted March 10, 2015 Moderators Report Posted March 10, 2015 End the relationship because you are sexually incompatible and/or he is too afraid of HIV to relax with you.
seaguy Posted March 10, 2015 Report Posted March 10, 2015 Your too young to stay in a relationship where you are not getting sexually fulfilled. And like drscorpio said it does seem you're both incompatible and he has fears that are holding him back from doing certain sexual acts with you.
GermanFucker Posted March 10, 2015 Report Posted March 10, 2015 Your too young to stay in a relationship where you are not getting sexually fulfilled. And like drscorpio said it does seem you're both incompatible and he has fears that are holding him back from doing certain sexual acts with you. I think a relationship can be whatever you want it to be, as long as it's working for you. You can be monogamous or you can love each other spiritually and still fuck around with a 100 other guys a year. Noone should tell you what a "good" relationship has to look like, you shouldn't try to imitate your grandparents. So I wouldn't automatically say "end it". But you NEED to discuss your priorities, what both of you want out of the relationship (exclusivity? freedom? companionship? an intense sexual connection?) and if the whole thing is working for you in the long run. If it doesn't work or you aren't able to fulfil your needs, you might begin to harbour resentment towards your partner which will fester and poison the relationship. In that case breaking up might really be the more loving thing to do. 1
olly Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Posted March 10, 2015 The thing is we both love each other so much and we don't believe in sleeping with other guys behind each other's back. The only thing is sex is not good. I have to put condom on for him to suck me, hardly there's any kiss involved. All he says that: ''It's hot when I just stick my arse out and you fuck me, makes me look like slut' And I say, 'I don't see you as slut, I wanna fucking make love' I started to lose my sleep because sex is very important to me, especially with someone I love. It's like when we have sex, it seems like we just met. I had a serious chat with him, it just doesn't improve.
Moderators drscorpio Posted March 10, 2015 Moderators Report Posted March 10, 2015 I believe that you love each other, but what you are describing sounds like irreconcilable differences to me. I wish you all the best though.
seaguy Posted March 11, 2015 Report Posted March 11, 2015 Oral sex with a condom and no kissing where is the intimacy? To me it seems like you have love but nothing else that usually comes with that love so it's leaving you unfulfilled. I love my close friends but if one was my BF and they were not putting out or wanting to use condoms for oral and no kissing that relationship would be over pretty fast for me kissing is a must and I don't do oral with a rubber for anyone. might as well just suck my dildo. Just my opinion.
bottom_gewillig Posted March 11, 2015 Report Posted March 11, 2015 Have a good conversation with him, without any taboos. Check for the right information with him, on websites that have good and correct medical information. Make him understand that you respect him but that he should respect you too. That he must understand that for example kissing is no risk at all, and giving head is very very low risk too, especially when you're on meds. Talking is the only way to understand each other... Don't give up the relationship if you love each other that much just because of the sex? I'm sure it can evolve into better, if you just talked en provided the right information so he knows the aspects and dangers of poz-guys. 1
olly Posted March 11, 2015 Author Report Posted March 11, 2015 I suggested 3sum today with him, and I'm gonna see how he is with 3rd guy. If he sucks him off without condom on, I will be leaving him straight away. 1
olly Posted March 11, 2015 Author Report Posted March 11, 2015 He just told to me he won't use condoms when he sucks off other guys. This is end of our relationship. Thank you guys for your support. 1
JamesL100 Posted March 11, 2015 Report Posted March 11, 2015 There are a lot of guys who will do rude and unspeakable things with/to random strangers but not with a bf. Maybe this time on his own will let him reflect on what being a 'slut' truly is. I have been one and believe me your ex hasn't even got his toe in the slut pond yet. Be ready for his phone calls and tears telling you how much he misses you, it sounds all about him. You;ve done all the right things by discussing with him, going on meds to protect him and going without intimacy. There are plenty of guys who are compatible for you. Having said that, there are two sides to every story and I guess we'll find your ex posting his side about his medical concerns about having a poz bf and all his fears about infection so wanting the bf to use a condom for oral sex.
olly Posted March 11, 2015 Author Report Posted March 11, 2015 He uses condom on me for oral sex, I'm all STD free, hep c neg, etc. plus I'm undetectable. But he told me that he won't use condom for oral sex if we suggested 3sum. This really upset me, he doesn't know what third guy has etc. he knows I'm clean and everything but when it comes to random guy, he doesn't care about condom for oral sex.
Moderators drscorpio Posted March 11, 2015 Moderators Report Posted March 11, 2015 olly, you deserve better than the guy you have. Cut him loose.
seaguy Posted March 12, 2015 Report Posted March 12, 2015 Your free to find someone who's educated about whaat it means to be undetectable and other things like PrEP so that he's totally going to want to kiss you, suck you, and fuck or get fucked by you all without a pleasure inhibiting rubber. And until you find that guy you can enjoy the sex with the others along the way. To me the fact that he is unwilling to perform one of the lowest risk sex acts giving an undetectable guy oral sex which according to numerous websites is mostly risky for those with dental issues sucking off a high viral load pozguy http://i-base.info/qa/426 means he either is not very educated about HIV and risk or he is noty really as in love with you as he leads on, especially if he is so quick to agree to suck a third person off rubber free.
olly Posted March 12, 2015 Author Report Posted March 12, 2015 I know, I deserve someone better than him. I'm still very upset. I'm going back to my home on Saturday when I get payed. Plus when I suggest kinky stuff to do with him, he says stuff like 'oh my god, you're so pervert' But when I suggested 3sum he was happy saying 'oooh that's kinky, that would be nice'
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