Is My Bf A Bully?

[cam1972]

u r bit harsh but I defenitely can c where u r coming from...I really don't think things will improve either...but u must not forget that I have moved homes to be with this man. I will finish it when right time comes. I do love him and I know he has lots of baggage...I just don't know if I can or want to handle it.

 

I apologize for coming across as harsh. I sincerely did not mean it that way. Intent and tone of voice can't be heard in typed messages. I should have worded it differently. For that I do apologize. I feel for you. I DO know what it's like to love someone who doesn't treat me with the respect I deserve. I've had that partner that has lowered the screen of the computer every time I've walked by. Deleted the browser history and cookies. I've had him be nice to me in front of people and horrible to me when alone. Or treat me badly in front of my friends and act like there's no one else on the planet when we are alone. So I feel for you. I know where you are coming from. I stayed.... Until I couldn't take the cheating that soon followed. And even tho I chose to leave, I left feeling much less of a man than when I met him. While I didn't move to another country for him, I did move to another state. Packing up my belongings and moving back home was humbling, to say the least. One of my friends keeps running into him every now and then. Every time I hear that she has, memories that I wish I didn't have come flooding back. She saw him this week. And I'm not gonna lie. I ached all over when she told me and I have tears in my eyes as I type this. For some dumbass reason, I still give a fuck. And I wish to... whoever.... that I didn't. So........ No harshness was intended. I just know how the mind works when it comes to loving someone who doesn't treat you as you should be treated. That was why I said what I said. I'm so sorry it came across harshly. Truly.

[losttop]

No need to apoligize at all! I appreciate ur input very much. U gave ur honest opinion and I appreciate that. We have open relationship so cheating is not an issue. In all fairness he has always been honest about his hook ups. It just frustrates me that he won't suck my dick when we r 1-1 and he does it with others. Only when we play together with others he will suck my dick.... Sorry for putting it so bluntly. I feel exactly what u have felt.... I feel less of a man...wondering what's wrong with me...I'm sorry u still feel the way u do about him as I know it takes time.... I also wish I didn't care about him but I do.... But that won't prevent me from leaving him though...I know that in the end I will choose for myself...

[RWHID]

Seems like we are in the same spot with our guys. I discovered who mine really was before moving in together. I did invite him here, but thank God that wasn't able to happen now. You already know what you feel and what you should do, the question is will you make the desicion that is that best for you? I stayed with my first boyfriend for almost a year, until he went to jail in 2013. I loved him fully, even after I discovered he lied about his status and Pozzed me on purpose, but that was then, this is now. I still love him, and we still talk when he calls from jail. He still wants me if he gets out, but I said that is something that he would have to work for, not just assume I will automaticly take him back, and obviously I would have to not be with someone else at the time... I even am his homeplan for if he does get out this year, but I have a feeling it's just beginning.

[einathens]

let me repeat it-- he's controlling you by withholding approval. he's abusing you by making you doubt yourself. he's isolating you by alienating some of your friends and making the others question you. the fact that he behaves one way in private and another in public shows that he knows exactly what he's doing.

 

I've been there. he won't change because he doesn't think he has to. he might alter his behavior slightly for brief periods of time, but that's just to get you to stay. the periods of charm and sweetness will become briefer and farther apart and the negativity more frequent and focused.  eventually he will become physically abusive, but he can only do that if you remain with him. the choice is yours. make it today.

 

you moved to be with him. you can move to be without him.

[tallslenderguy]

Sometimes he is really loving and caring....maybe it's my fault for showing him that I care a lot about him. I just don't understand how he can be so cold at times. He doesn't drink much.... But sometimes when we go out, he can overdo it and he can become this monster...the other day we went out and he was picking fights with people.... Some of them came to me and asked is that ur friend!? Then we went to other place and he started being mr. Nice guy to everyone. By that time I just felt pissed off with him and started acting like distant so these people thought I was horrible and he was mr. Nice guy. Sexually is not that great either...for some reason he doesn't like oral sex with me while he does it with others.... Which is frustrating and I think is disrespectful.Sometimes I just feel sad and alone...almost numb. I know I should break it up if things don't improve fast.

It's hard (probably impossible) to get an accurate read on your (or anyones) relationship without actually being there. That being said, a comment that you made here sent up a red flag for me: "maybe it's my fault for showing him that I care a lot about him."  It is never correct to blame your self for another persons behavior, that's a classic issue in abusive relationships. I.e., the abuser does something bad and then blames the partner for "making" him have that response.  

It can be a tricky thing, because there is such a thing as a passive aggression. Some people are artists at being mean passively.

If you want to try and preserve this relationship, I'd recommend couples counseling with a licensed professional. A could professional counselor is trained to identify issues in both parties and help you either fix stuff or part company if you reach an impasse. Good luck, relationship is a lot of work.