The Kill Zone, pt. 1

[Toon]

small town somewhere, 1978

 

I was one of the lucky kids in this country. I lived in a nice house in a nice neighborhood and my parents were still together. Our house was directly across the street from a big park that covered four city blocks. So much to be grateful for but I was a miserable kid. Looking back now, I think I was/am on the autism spectrum. I was not social at all. I hated everything and everybody. There was a nameless rage inside of me. All of my school pictures showed me with a scowl on my face, and it caused my mom so much grief. Unhappiness.

Some kid in my class had his birthday party in the park I told you about. Mom made me go. It was all boys and the kid's mom hadn't really planned any activities beyond eating cake and opening presents which meant we had to come up with something to do. The alpha boys decided we should all race to the end of the park and back. I knew I'd come in last so I hid under a lilac bush while they ran up and down like idiots. Of course I was discovered and laughed at. I'd eventually grow used to being picked on. I never once stood up for myself or fought back -- which of course made me a perpetual target. My inner rage would always have some shame mixed in.

That night a dinner I suddenly said "I'll be damned if I go to another party." I never used that word and was hoping it had some impact.

Dad laughed and then got suddenly stern. "We don't use language like that in this house. Apologize to your mother."

"I'll be FUCKED if I ever go to another party!" Uh oh. Dad stood up and slapped my head with his big, wide hand.

"Go to your room. I don't want to see you for the rest of the night."

Fine. I liked being alone anyway. I'd miss "Rhoda", though. Bullied at school, bullied at home. My life.

 

ten years later

 

A lot had happened by the time I became a senior in high school. Our town had grown by leaps and bounds. A wal-mart had opened and many of the small businesses downtown closed. The clothing places, the office supply store and our two bookstores were all gone in the span of six months. My dad was an optometrist and even he was hurting. He couldn't compete with wal-mart or the new Lens Crafters. There were more people and more cars every day. 

I got taller and started to develop a strong jaw like my dad. I wasn't bullied so much anymore because our whole class seemed to have suddenly realized that school wasn't real life, just a temporary part of it. Everything would be different soon. Preemptive nostalgia, I guess. I couldn't wait to get away. I'd been accepted to a decent college about 100 miles from home. I had great grades and was good at art. Maybe I'd be a designer or an art historian. I didn't care as long as I go somewhere and start over, be someone else. The senior class was going to have a keg party on Saturday night. Even I  was invited. It was going to be at the same park which made me not want to go. I'd decide later.

Things at home were different as well. Mom and Dad rarely talked to each other. Dad often sleeps in the guest room or on the couch. It all seemed to happen at once. Dad was more mellow these days, but also depressed. I should have reached out to them, but I was too involved with my plans to get away and acquire a whole new personality. Those last two weeks of school, I hardly ever saw Mom. It sounds stupid, but I was spending a lot of free time trying to have a different voice. I tried to talk with a slight Southern twang but it sounded stupid when I replayed myself on tape. I thought about a British accent and was planning to practice on the night of the senior kegger. Around 11:30 PM, I felt differently. The English accent was really a dumb idea. Something made me want to attend. Something was pulling toward Crofton Park.

I assumed everybody was asleep as I crept down the stairs, but there were lights on everywhere. My dad was sitting in the kitchen smoking a cigarette and having a drink. Liquor. What's wrong with this picture?? I had never once smelled cigarette smoke in this house. 

"Aaron! You're still up? Come have a drink with your old man." He was only wearing blue jockey shorts. I'd rarely seen him so casual. I sat across from him and tried to make sense of all of this.

"Dad? Are you OK?"

"I'm great. Why are you all dressed? It's almost midnight?" He put down the glasses of whiskey and Coke. 

"Class of '88 is having a farewell party tonight...right across the street, in the park." The drink was strong. It wasn't terrible, but not tasty either.

"Ah yes. Saying good-bye. I can't believe you're so grown. Jesus Christ."

"Is Mom here?"

"She's got a migraine or something. I left her in peace and having my own peace." He chuckled as if he'd made a joke.

"How long have you smoked?"

"About a year. Want one?" I didn't, but this was a special night somehow. He lit one for me. "We need music."

"This drink is tasting better. I've never tasted alcohol before."

"I know...and thank you. Thank you for not ever being a bad kid. I golf with a guy who's got three teens at home who are always coming home drunk or on drugs. Poor bastard has no idea what to do with them. We never had to worry about you." I was liking the whiskey and the smoke as well.

"Dad -- I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For being such a jerk to you and Mom all these years. For being a problem."

"Stop! Becoming a parent is like going to a casino. A big gamble. I'm a winner. You're the goddamn salutatorian of your graduating class! I am proud of you." He made us another drink. We drank and smoked and had a good talk. He seemed to be wanting to say more.

"What is it, Dad?"

"Well... Your mom and I are probably going to move. I need to work in a bigger city. Nothing is for sure yet...and nothing will happen until after we get you packed for college." I guess I probably knew this would happen. We were all at a crossroad. 

"Do what you have to do, Dad. I'm an adult now." 

"How did all this happen? Everything is different." I started to think he might cry.

"A lot has changed, but also...not so much." He forced a smile.

"What time does your party start? I seem to remember a boy who said he'd be fucked if ever went to another party." That moment came back to me in a harsh flash.

"It already started. I'm having fun at this party here." I pushed my empty glass toward him and helped myself to another cig.

"OK. One more and then you should go see your friends. It's pretty warm tonight, so you probably won't need a jacket."

Music would indeed be good right now...or TV. Something to gill the silence. "You and Mom will be fine. I'll be fine." The party had been going on for over an hour already.

"Go. Take the bottle and the cigarettes with you. I've got so many packs stashed around the house. Your mother won't find them because she no longer cleans the house. I did your laundry and made your bed yesterday. Me. Can you believe that shit?"

"Well, thanks!"

"You need somebody around here who remembers they have a son." He went and crashed on the couch in the living room. I went out the front door and smelled the air. I had my smokes, half a bottle of booze and a longing for something. Something. But what?

The dandelions in the front yard glowed like burning embers. I hadn't been inside this park since that dumb kid's party. It hadn't changed much. The playground was still sparse -- a swing set and a couple of teeter-totters. Some new picnic tables had been put in. The giant cottonwood trees were all here, giant and old. Some of these had probably been here since Lincoln was shot. Or longer. I thought about history and time as I walked to the very back of the park was. Noise, sounds. I saw the tiny orange glows of cigarettes dancing in the distance. There was laughter and the sounds of conversation. OK. I could do this. I'd never been to something like this. Hell, I'd never been to a single school dance or the prom. How is this done? The first guy I saw was Shane Davis. 

"What? You came?? Hey -- look who's here! Aaron!" Shit. A whole bunch of faces turned in my direction. Some friendly, shocked greetings rang out. I hoped I looked OK. Some girl was vomiting nearby. Shane was probably a good guy. He never had a girlfriend that I remember. You'd think this guy would be getting laid all the time...he'd become a full-grown man faster than the rest of us. I swear he wore size 14 sneakers in 7th grade. His only flaw was that he was a total band geek. He was an expert trumpet player, and hid constant practice had made his lips abnormally large for a white boy. It was a weird feature. "Did you walk here by yourself?"

"Yeah. I just live across the street. Why?"

"Why?! You don't get out enough, Aaron. This place has changed. Dude. It's called 'The Kill Zone' now. There's fags here, spreading AIDS. And drug dealers and gangsters." He saw the doubt in my face. "No, really. While you were studying, this town changed into a city. We're basically a suburb for Levitt now. You really didn't notice??" 

"Uh. No. I guess not."

He noticed the bottle of whiskey I had. "Maybe you were too drunk to notice. Can I have a sip?" I let him take a healthy chug. "Damn! Who would have ever guessed you'd show up here with top-shelf  booze?!" I lit a cigarette. "And you even smoke? Fuck, it's always the smart kids who surprise you." I offered him one. I saw those swollen lips in the flare of my lighter. That same chick was puking again.

"Who IS that?" 

"Dawn. Troy dumped her tonight. He got a football scholarship somewhere in the South and wants to concentrate on working out this Summer. Idiot. He should have at least fucked a few more times. I'd give anything to get a piece of that."

"She's free now. Go for it. She'd be lucky to have you." I can't believe I said that gay comment out loud. He was too dumb or drunk to notice. We continued to share the bottle for a bit in the glow of the light of the bonfire. I sensed a natural end to the conversation, and moved toward the rest of the crowd. I had a floating feeling. This was a fine night. Weirdly, everyone I approached seemed glad to see me. I chatted with Troy and congratulated him on his scholarship. 

"You goin' to Harvard?" What?

"No. SMU. I don't even know if they have a football team."

"They do, but it's Division II." some other dude came up at my side to greet me. It was Kevin -- one of the dumbest kids in the whole school. 

"Hi, Aaron! Remember that wire sculpture of a moose you made in 9th grade? I thought it was so cool." It was actually supposed to be a longhorn bull. Whatever.

"Oh. Yeah." He told me he was joining the army in August. Good for him.

People were starting to leave in pairs and small groups. Nobody by themselves. Finally it was down to about ten kids left. Everybody was buzzed at the minimum. Dawn, the puker, came to join our small group. She looked at me with a slightly confused expression and then said,"Your name is Eric, right?"

"It's 'Aaron'. How are you feeling, Dawn?" 

"I'm great. Somebody should have brought food. You'd look so much better with a tan, Eric. You're too pale. I work at 'Urban Rays' and can get you a good deal." She started dancing even though there was no music. She was looking right at me as she gyrated like a stripper. Uh oh. I was afraid she's try to kiss me with her vomit breath so I led her over to where Shane was.

"You two know each other, right?" And then they were all over each other. Dawn may have been drunk, but she remembered she had boobs. She offered up her treasures to a dumbfounded Shane. They made out passionately before heading into the shadows. My work here was done. The last three people were all leaving together and asked me if I wanted to walk back with them.

"Is the keg empty? Is somebody going to put out the fire?" They were all drunk and just walked away. I stayed and watched the dying flames. Was I waiting to see Shane again? Maybe. It was all over and it like the final curtain had dropped. I figured it was time to drop all my high school crushes, time to go home and get ready for a new life. I was having a little trouble walking in a straight line so I decided to sit for a few minutes. I plopped down at the base of a giant cottonwood tree and let the park spin slowly around me. This was a great tree. I had to wonder if it had been alive when Lincoln was shot. Who knows? I lit another cigarette. Damn, I was liking smoking enough to call it love. Oh hell, I should just try to make it home. 'Kill Zone'? It was quiet and harmless here. My dad was big on home security and we had the brightest porch light on the whole street. I'd just go toward that glow when it got in sight.

But as soon as I started out on my mission, a big arm wrapped around my neck and dragged me to the ground. 

My brain does this thing when something upsetting happens. I remember being in car accident when I was 10. Some guy had run a stop sign and plowed into our car. Mom was driving. When it happened, my mind went somewhere in the sky. I was up there in the ether somewhere, looking down and thinking this will all be okay. Maybe some guys from the party were just fooling around. No. That wasn't it. I could hear two or three guys talking in Spanish. A hairy forearm was held against my windpipe as I lie flat on my back. 

"Check his pockets, Tito."

"He got nothing. No wallet. Just keys, a lighter and half a pack of cigarettes. Fuck."

"Give me the keys. Where's your car, boy?"

"I didn't drive. I walked here." My voice came out small and weak.

"What the hell are you doing in the park at night? Looking for something?", a new voice asked. 

"My class had a party at the far West end." 

"Oh the party is just starting, my friend!" They all laughed and talked in hushed tones. I didn't take any foreign language courses in school...it wasn't required. 

"A white boy with no money? Let's just kill him now and go get some breakfast." 

"Not just yet, Enrique. Let Jessie and I have some fun with him first."

"OK. You guys can do your gay shit with him, but I ain't watching." My mind went back up in the clouds. This would be over soon enough, and I would be fine.

"Get on your knees and stay still. Don't say a word. Jessie, keep your hands on his back...all I want is a blow job tonight."

The one named Jessie got behind me and held my shoulders with force.

The remaining guy unzipped his fly and stood right in front of my face. "You're lucky that I'm not going to fuck you. I'm the biggest here and I would kill you with my dick if I raped you. Just suck me." He brandished a giant penis that gave off its own heat. It smelled of drugstore aftershave. I could do this...I wanted to do this. "And watch your teeth. If I feel teeth, it'll be your last second on Earth." 

The head of his giant meat brushed my lips. I kissed it and savored the taste (and the moment). He let out a small grunt and pushed into my mouth. Deeper. I did what I thought sucking was, mindful of my teeth. It felt like I was meant to do this. I got more into it.

"No need to hold him any more, Jess. He likes my dick in his mouth!" The guy behind me stepped away. 

"OK, Tito. Just don't piss on him. I don't need to smell that when it's my turn."  Tito pushed so far into my mouth that I couldn't even breathe through my nose. He pulled almost all the way out before plunging back in. I was gagging and that made him more excited. 

"Ahhhh! ...I'm going to give you this now. Swallow it all. If you spit out my kids, you'll be spitting your teeth out next." Then he shot what tasted like salty raw egg white into my throat and in my mouth. He slowly got softer and then my mouth was empty.

"Not bad, kid. I've got good news and bad news and worse news for you. The good news is that I'm done. The bad news is that Jessie probably wants to fuck your tight little ass. The worse news is that he's got the gay AIDS in his cum. The good and bad news is that, even if he makes your blood sick, you're going to die now anyway."

"Shut the fuck up, Tito. Here...take his smokes and go find Enrique." The guy with the big penis walked away, and I silently wished he'd come back and let me suck him again. I wanted to do that one more time before I died. Oh well. It was just the guy named Jessie and I left. He was a few inches taller than me and sort of husky. Big. 

"It's OK. I will make sure you get home alive. What is your name?"

"Aaron."

"Have you ever done anything with a man?" His voice was deep, but soft.

"Until just now? No. I. I'm gay."

"Me too. Mostly. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Are you going to fuck me now?"

"No. I will spare you that. If you've never done it before, it will be all hurting for you."

"But I want you to. Please?"

"Are you sure? After what you heard?" He didn't wait for my reply and started taking off all his clothes. Even his socks. His dick was smaller than Tito's but still pretty large. I stripped down as well. It was weird to be naked outside...I think it was the first time I had. Jessie had dark black pubes, but the rest of his body was hairless. He was completely erect, as was I.

"Now get down on all fours like a dog. Do you understand what I mean?" I did as told. The grass was soft and fragrant. Jessie got down behind me. He pushed a fat finger into my exposed butt hole. OW! I was alarmed and asked him to stop.

"You must be quiet now or Tito will come back. Hold on." Suddenly, Jessie jammed one of his socks into my mouth. The taste was only a little bit foul. Whiskey was nastier. And then his hard penis slid past my butt cheeks and into my hole. I yelled in my brain, but just groaned with my mouth full of sock. I guess this was really happening now. I didn't retreat up to the clouds because I wanted to be fully here. I also wanted to enjoy this, but I hurt deep both inside and outside. Jessie just kept going deeper. This would feel better soon, right? Gays did this voluntarily all the time, right? It started to hurt less as he went faster and further. Jessie was by himself in all this...I was just a hole. 

"I'm close, hombre. I will pull out in time." I tried to say no, but it was muffled. I shook my head. "Oh...you want this seed? In you?" I made agreeable noises as best I could. 

"What? I..I can't...OH SHIT! I'm cumming!" He thrust deeper and then collapsed on my back. His weight forced me down, and I stayed that way until he pulled out of my insides. He took the sock out of my mouth and started putting his clothes back on.

"Sorry for making noise, Jessie. I tried not to."

"No problems. You made less noise than I thought you would. Why did you not want me to pull out?" I stood up and started getting dressed.

"Because I'm going to be killed anyway. Isn't that what you gangsters do?"

"Never call me that again! I may be in a gang but ... I am... I have a plan to get you home." I waited to hear it. "I have a knife and told them I would kill you, but the knife needs to have some blood on it..or at least this hankie does. They'll want proof. Are you bleeding down there...down in your butt?" I'm sure I was, but it probably wasn't enough to look like a murder.

"Only a little." This was a surreal conversation. 

"Never mind. I'll take care of it." Jessie lifted his shirt, held his knife and made a six inch cut across his stomach. No way was all of this real. The cut bloomed a little bit of blood, but not enough. His body was busily clotting the wound. "Let me do it again."

"No. Don't. Give me the knife." He studied me. Maybe he thought I'd try to kill him and make a getaway. But he just paused a second before giving me the weapon.

I started to get facial hair when I was 15. I remember standing in the bathroom next to my dad as he tried to teach me how to shave. My first attempt was a disaster... I'd nicked my face so bad with the razor. I looked like I had been to war. "Maybe we need to get you an electric razor, Son. Wash your face and then put tiny bits of tissue on the cuts. The blood vessels in your face are very close to the skin and they bleed a long time." 

I rook the lethal knife and made a cut from my left ear to my chin. Damn! It was way sharper than I'd guessed, and I nearly went through my cheek entirely. "NO!" Jessie was shocked and couldn't muster another word for a few seconds. I felt a heavy flow of blood flow into the hollow of my neck. None of this was really happening. "Why? I mean..."

"Give me the handkerchief, Jessie." I let my blood soak the rag before handing it back to him. The only illumination we had was from a mercury light a few yards away. But even in the darkness, I saw him look right at me with dark eyes as he touched the tip of his tongue to the bloody cloth. 

"Stay hidden and still. I'll be back." He put the knife in the hankie and walked away. Hide? I went a little way from our spot and lied beneath a bush. I pretended to be dead. I was on my side and I think I crushed a small snail under my right temple. Blood was still coming and it washed over my lips. I was supposed to be dead so I closed my eyes and imagined it. Maybe I slept..and dreamed a little. Heavy footsteps.

"Aaron? Are you here?" I got up and brushed myself off a little.

"Well?"

"They left. They're going to get rid of the knife in Clinton Lake. They won't be back. Are you still bleeding?"

"A little. It's OK. It'll stop soon."

"I have your keys and cigarettes and the bottle. I want to keep the lighter as a souvenir. That okay?" Well, um...why?

I was less drunk now, but my stomach boiled. "What do they think you're doing now?" 

"I told them I had to hide the body. Your body. Let me walk you home." He sounded happy. 

"It's right across the street, Jessie. You don't have to."

"I want to. Slow down. We can talk and finish your booze. Can I have a smoke?"

"Uh, yeah. You saved my life. It's the least I can offer you."

"You saved your own life. You gave me your pureness -- if that's the right word. Or even A word. I never have boyfriends or go to bars. You haven't asked, but I'll tell you now that I got the disease in prison. I fucked and got fucked for 11 months. Life gives out some bruises at times."

"What did you do?"

"Not now. Yes, I'm in a gang... a group of us Puerto Ricans came down from Kansas City to see if we could recruit. Problem is that other gangs were already here. And also, nobody here does speed. We sell speed and a few other things. Your people are too Methodist for the hard stuff. Tito and Enrique are probably moving to Levitt next week. I don't know what I want to do."

"For the first time in my life I know what I want to do. I want to move away from here, go to college and become a new person."

"Stop. Why you want to leave?"

"Not now. How is the cut on your stomach?" We stopped as he lifted his shirt. It was still leaking tiny droplets. For reasons I wouldn't understand until later, I knelt down and put my cut cheek directly onto his injury. We shared blood now. It was the most bizarre kind of bonding. I stood back up. "My house is just up ahead. The porch as bright as the sun."

"OK. Let me ask -- is there anything that would make you stay?" I scanned my brain.

"Nope. I want to go somewhere a be a different person." He grabbed my hand in the lit-up park entrance.

"No. The person you are now is so wonderful. You are nice young man with a handsome face. The only thing wrong with you is that you look like a scary movie now. Your face is covered with blood -- yours and mine. Let me walk you to your door. That is a nice house, Aaron. You got brothers and sisters?"

"No," I said as we crossed the street "Just me. I don't think my parents ever loved each other." I stopped talking and squeezed his big hand. 

"Come in the shadows for one quick minute." We stepped away and then kissed. My first kiss. He pressed his mouth hard onto my mine. It was pure passion, but it told me a lot about him. I now knew why people kissed. It was a form of communication. That's why mating couples did it. I pulled him back into some light and looked at his face. He was a little older, and had a beard with some sparse spots. Cute.

"I should go now. Get some sleep, put a towel on your pillow. We will meet again." And then he vanished down the street. I wanted him to stay with me. I bent over and threw up in the tulips.  

I didn't take a shower like usual. I'd probably slip and break my arm. I just got naked and climbed into bed. My ass ached. I remembered being in first grade and being led down to the lunchroom for a booster vaccine for something. Small Pox? The needle was giant, and we all started crying. I remember how the shot felt. It was deep in my tiny arm...deep into the muscle. It was a new pain. It hurt on the outside and the inside.  Jessie's dick had felt like that when Jessie's cock was in me. But better.

After the bed spun for a bit, I fell asleep and dreamed about blood and blades.

TO BE CONTINUED....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[lynn1964]

Fuck!

What an awesome, fiery story! It seems like you have stepped a step or two out of your writer's box Toon. Your writer is indeed growing and you have show us what will become your most gifted talent!

Already, we are in love with Aaron and Jessie and look forward to being a part of their future adventures in life.

Amazing! 

[bjbottom]

Is Aaron and his dad going to get closer?    Will Jessie turn into Aaron's lover, or his pimp?    Will Aaron forget about college and become a PNP slut?    Will Aaron convert right away?    Was Jessie lying about being POZ since he lied about killing Aaron?   I love the number of possibilities this story has.

[wilkoi]

Wow, what a beginning! Will Aaron's dream become reality? Oink oink