[Breeder] Open Forum Friday: The Age Thing

[TheBreeder]

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I’ve seen them online as long as there’s been an online to cruise—those guys with handles like lookin4yung or boilovindaddy. You have, too. You know exactly what those profiles are going to say even before they read them. Successful older gentleman looking for younger companionship. My birth certificate might say I’m a certain age, but I sure don’t feel it! YOU: Should be under 25, slim/swimmer’s build to muscular, no overweight. VGL only.

And of course, they’re accompanied by a photo of a gray-haired chubby guy with unkempt facial hair, and bad teeth. In his pill-covered cardigan, he’s got an appearance roughly as stimulating as that creepy elderly uncle of yours who drinks too much at family holiday gatherings and farts secretly into the den sofa.

I look at these profiles and think to myself: Sad. Ever since I’ve been in my twenties myself, I’ve always told myself I wouldn’t be one of those men. I didn’t think there was ever a chance of it happening, for one thing. When I started having sex, all the guys were older than me. (When you’re thirteen, everyone’s older than you.) In my college and grad school days, I was every sugar daddy’s boy. In my mid-twenties I was still chasing after men in their forties and fifties. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I really even chose to have sex with other guys my age—and frankly, they never scored that well on my post-coital report cards.

The moment I turned thirty, something curious happened. I became invisible to a vast percentage of the gay population. Older guys who liked getting banged by young stuff overlooked me when that first digit changed from a 2 to a 3. And younger guys didn’t even seem to see me. I remember on several occasions accompanying grad students in my department at the time out to a club or bar, and noticing that when their peers would come over to chat and introduce themselves, they’d shake hands and introduce themselves to all the other twenty-odd-year-olds, and completely skip over me. It didn’t even seem a deliberate omission; it really was as if I was invisible, a ghost, a phantom occupying no space, over whom their eyes could glide without notice.

At the time, it was a bit of a shocker. I thought to myself that if I’d ever wanted to make it with younger guys, well, that time had passed.

And then I hit my forties.

There’s something about a man of moderate good looks in his forties that has proven to be irresistible to a lot of guys in their late teens and early twenties. I honestly can’t explain it. One of my favorite young correspondents recently commented that he was in a ‘daddy phase’—and maybe that’s simply what it is. I’m not going to question the phenomenon. I’m just going to revel in it.

The problem is that I when I think about how many pretty young things who’ve slipped between my sheets since I turned forty, I think I might as well stop trimming my nose hairs and get out that pill-covered cardigan. Because I suddenly feel like that guy. You know. The creepy one. I feel like I should be assuring people reading my profile that I don’t look forty-seven, and that what is age but a number, anyway?

Look at the facts. A boy half my age has been occupying most of my time of late; he sleeps over half the time. Scruffy was even younger. Most of the guys with whom I hook up online are under the age of twenty-one. If I strip down and show off on a web cam, most of the guys cheering me weren’t even born when Marisa Tomei won the Academy Award.

The only saving grace, I think—and trust me, I cling to it—is that I’ve never been one of those you must be 25 or under! chappies. I take ‘em as they come, pretty much, and still like a variety in my sexual diet. Older men I find very attractive. Younger guys (and when you’re forty-seven, everyone’s younger than you) I also enjoy meeting. I have great encounters with men around my own age, for the first time in my life. It’s not that I can’t afford to be picky. I’ve just learned that discrimination based on specious criteria is silly.

Secretly, though, when I go out at night with Spencer to a restaurant where other gay couples are eating, I see them look at us and size us up. And though on a certain level I think they’re admiring Spencer and then regarding me with envy and thinking, Lucky dog, part of me worries if mentally they’re consigning me to that corner of the sofa with the creepy, farting uncle who paws the boys and is a general embarrassment to all.

So in this edition of the open forum, I ask my readers: what’s your opinion on the issue of age difference? Do younger men have a daddy phase? Are older guys automatically creepy because they have a parade of younger studs in their bedroom? Or in these free-for-all days, am I being super-sensitive about it?

I’m honestly curious to hear your opinions.

More...

[Belfast-Bottom]

I've been in a daddy phase all my life. I draw the line at bad teeth, too much nasal hair and poor hygiene, but I still find guys in the age range 18-70 attractive. 70 is pretty much my cut off point. I like masculine Tops and in my view men become MORE masculine as they age. More rugged facial features, body hair, facial hair, are all masculine features and men get more of them as they age. There is tremendous ageism ( even age Nazism ) on the gay scene, but as I've never been interested in twinks, it doesn't bother me. I've seen your pics TheBreeder. You have a great body and a cock to die for! Let anyone who thinks differently get back to browsing the fashion pages.

[eurotopnyc]

I've been a total top since I moved to NYC from Europe in my mid-twenties and realized I was a gay man. In my twenties I would attract guys but not the lean, smooth bottom boys that I've always loved fucking. I fell madly in love with one such boy, and he told me flat to my face that I was too "cute" and "boyish" for him. Now that I'm forty, in good shape, a bit more gruff and with a full head of hair, I almost can't believe my luck. I had expected that my option would start to dwindle, sexually speaking, but in fact the opposite has happened. While I prefer the deeper connections from repeat encounters with a smart/hot/submissive bottom, I've found that I can get laid almost any time I want and that I can get great ass whenever I want. I hope this doesn't seem like bragging - I just want to say to the younger tops out there that getting older is not much of an issue when you're a top (I'm not so sure about bottoms), despite all the fears many gay men have about aging.

[RawPozLust]

Age, like race, has never been a big issue for me. Although I've always been most attracted to men over 40, age is but one factor in the complex mixture that is sexual chemistry. Anyone who is not into me simply because of my age (almost 50 now) is someone with whom I'm likely to have little or no sexual chemistry, so I'm quite happy to move on.

[squaredolphin]

Interesting discussion. Guys age at different rates by which I mean that you can't tell how old someone is by their physical appearance. I met a great guy in Amsterdam a few years ago who I enjoyed bottoming for because I thought he looked older than me and somehow getting fucked by older men suits me. But although he looked older than me he was almost 10 years younger. I found it difficult to hook up with him after that. So now I try to avoid the whole age busoness. If the chemistry is good with a guy (and I'm versatile) then I just go for it!

[TheBreeder]

@Belfast-Bottom: Thanks for the compliment! I'm vain enough to love it. Like you, I think guys get better looking as they age, when they take good care of themselves. (And by that, I mean a minimum of teeth-brushing and good grooming, not an excess of gym time.) I used to think I had a cut-off point in my mid-sixties, but then I had an affair with a guy a decade older than that, which was pretty intense. So I've learned never to say never!

@eurotop: Your experience parallels mine pretty exactly. I'm not going to boast that I can get any bottom I want, any time, but I can certainly pick from a number of young bottoms when I'm horny and available. There really are that many young guys out there who want a daddy breeding them. Since I'd been taught that gay men should pretty much hide in a cave for the rest of their lives after about thirty-five, it was something of an eye-opener to discover otherwise.

@RawPozLust: Amen, brother. If someone's going seriously to be so limited as to let something like age (or race, or what have you) put them off a guy, the chances are pretty good I'm not going to find them engaging enough to play with, anyway. And you're looking good there, mister.

@squaredolphin: I agree with you. If the chemistry's there, everyone has fun.

[eurotopnyc]

@TheBreeder: Sorry, I did not mean to suggest I could have anyone anytime! Just that I have a certain type and that it's a lot easier to get laid now than when I was younger.

[Taintedpigboy]

Great topic Breeder and you have a hot profile too! For me age has always been a state of mind. Just turned 51 and I'm so much better focused (and yes, wiser) then even five years ago. I was in one relationship for 21.5 years when my partner died from inoperable cancer. He was 11 years older then I was. Happy now, being single and really focused on being a pig! I also prefer for the most part experience of an older man, though, younger with confidence is great too. That for me is the sexiest thing about getting older - comfortable in your own pigskin and willing to go any where with someone no worried about anything but having a great pig time.

[TheBreeder]

@TheBreeder: Sorry, I did not mean to suggest I could have anyone anytime! Just that I have a certain type and that it's a lot easier to get laid now than when I was younger.

No way did I think you were suggesting that, Euro! I was just trying to avoid sounding like I was full of myself! (Well, more than usual.)

[TheBreeder]

Great topic Breeder and you have a hot profile too! For me age has always been a state of mind. Just turned 51 and I'm so much better focused (and yes, wiser) then even five years ago. I was in one relationship for 21.5 years when my partner died from inoperable cancer. He was 11 years older then I was. Happy now, being single and really focused on being a pig! I also prefer for the most part experience of an older man, though, younger with confidence is great too. That for me is the sexiest thing about getting older - comfortable in your own pigskin and willing to go any where with someone no worried about anything but having a great pig time.

For me, the confidence is what's sexiest, Tainted. Experience generates confidence, and therefore a lot of the guys with the sexiest pig attitudes are the ones with years of experience behind them. Once in a while it comes in a younger package. I just take 'em as they come.

[Taintedpigboy]

Exactly Breeder, take 'em as they cum along.

[evilqueerpig]

You're just being you and I find nothing wrong with that in the least. I had a Summer fling with my first man, he was 12 years older and I can honestly say that he played a big part in accepting myself and being comfortable as a gay man. Through the years, I've been with both older and younger men, and also with men around my age. Some men never lose their sexappeal. Look at Sean Connery. Right now, unless it's just a onetime thing, I'm not really into younger guys, because more often than not, I can't connect to them in areas of pop culture.