Bareback and seeing a therapist question

[tallslenderguy]

6 minutes ago, ChristophBB said:

Your point about authority figures, displacing one for another is interesting. I was raised Mormon in Utah. They're HYPER authoritarian. The good thing is that it made me leery of authority. I've seen people do exactly what you say, jump from a hyper-authoritarian religious environment into the atheist side of things where science became their new authority. I'm not knocking atheism or science, it was more how I saw how one kind of authority was displaced by another in a way.

But i'm not entirely sure how to talk to the therapist about bareback sex as it relates to my feeling that for me it's actually a healthy direction to take. Because it feels that way. I know there are various degrees and directions I could take, from just occasional hookups with a single guy (which is wha I've done so far) to being whored out and blindfolded at an anonymous hotel. I'm fairly clear in my mind that the later isn't exactly what I want. I would like to try a cumdump thing but a no loads refused, anonymous thing isn't the right form for me. 

i came from a similar religious background, just a different form of fundamentalism. After awhile i realized that it wasn't the belief so much as the fundamentalist approach that was so harmful.  i read the Ayaan Hirsi Ali's autobiography "Infidel," and was struck by the similarities between fundamentalist Islam and fundamentalist Christianity.  "Educated" is another remarkable read by Tara Westover.  And yeah, science.  One of the things i love about an honest scientist is the conclusion is never absolute. Maybe enough to make decisions, but in an infinite universe, we only know and see in part, no matter the approach.

i find communities like this one to be great places to talk and reflect.  Sure, there is every sort of person here, some who want to tell you their version of the 'absolute truth' lol, but there are also some wonderfully honest, open, insightful guys here (those are the ones i fall in love with).  i think what you are doing here is not to be discounted. Even though there is no guarantee that the feedback you will get will all be what you need or right for you, but i find it noteworthy that the anonymity also provides a sort of safety for you to discuss things you don't feel free to discuss with a 'pro.'   

i think part of what you get from a therapist is a different perspective, hopefully safe and non judgmental, but that isn't always the case, eh?  Here, you feel safe enough to say things you don't feel quite safe saying to a therapist.  You'll get different perspectives, but you still get to choose what resonates and what doesn't.  It already sounds like you are working out what you want and what you don't... of course, the world doesn't always align with our wants/needs, which can be another challenge.

[GermanFucker]

2 hours ago, ChristophBB said:

Those are great points. The reflection concept you mention is one that's particularly important to me actually. In fact that's a big reason I've decided to see this therapist right now because I feel I'm lacking some clarity in various aspects of my life. But the direction I'm going from the standpoint of sexuality is part of that. We discussed sexuality in some detail in the past session and I was encouraged that he has views very similar to the ones I'm developing which felt like a good reflection experience. 

And my hesitation is in fact a bit of self protection until I'm sure I have a sense I'm not going to be shamed, considering the extreme degree of shame I grew up with I'm leery to let myself be shamed by a therapist even though I really don't think he's going to do that.

IMHO the operative words are TRUTH and MEANING. If you feel you have to lie to your therapist because you are fearing judgement, then something is going wrong. You should be truthful, but that doesn't necessarily mean a myriad of details. Do I tell my therapist that I cheat on my boyfriend? Sure. But then the interesting question is WHY, not what position did I fuck the guy in. You should always be able to talk to your therapist about things that have meaning to you. To stick with the boyfriend example: If I cheat on my boyfriend in a public place like a sauna, that probably has some meaning. If I make a point of seeding all the guys because I promised my boyfriend my cum is only for him, that probably too (or topping / bottoming for some guys etc.).

You are the one who has to determine whether something is meaningful to you and whether it is something you would like to discuss with your therapist. If the answert to both questions is yes, you shoudl probably bring it up. But in which way is also up to you. "I have taken three loads on tuesday and three on wednesday" is one way. "I have been more promiscuous because I never experienced playfulness and variety when it comes to sex" is another.

[ErosWired]

 

Therapy is a tool, a means to an end. In my many years of sparring with my own brain, I have found the greatest value of therapists is when they sit quietly and listen to me talk, speaking only occasionally to insert an astute question here and there.

Your therapy is not about discoverIng “The Truth” - it is about discovering the right questions to match the answers that you already know. The therapist is most useful when you feel stuck, to help nudge you off the sandbar of your own preconceptions and back afloat under your own sail. Knowing what to talk to the therapist about can be as simple as asking “What is it that’s causing me distress?”

Unlike a psychiatrist who is qualified to prescribe you pills to change your mental state, the only tool in the therapist’s box is words. Any change that takes place in therapy comes from you making either a conscious or subconscious decision based on a new way of thinking. So as you as yourself whether to share the details of your deepest inner sexual desires with your therapist, you might start by asking yourself whether you see that leading you to a new way of thinking. Or, if your therapy has brought about a new way of thinking that conflicts with your inner sexual construct, sensing that distress could be a sign that a conversation is in order.

If you feel conflicted about the disconnect between your sexual drives and moral/religious/control imperatives, boy do I get that - right up to the moment I lost my virginity - I shit you not one but - I absolutely believed I would be struck by lightning if I fucked anyone before I was married. I was astonished - astonished - when I walked outside of that apartment and was not instantly electrocuted. Absolutely true story. Too ridiculous not to be, like everything else that happens in my whole life. (Sometimes my therapist would dissolve into silent laughter as I related my latest debacle, because he just couldn’t help it. He always apologized profusely, but I just said, “Hey, you either laugh or cry. At least one of us is enjoying my life.”) Untangling the fraught sexuality knot for yourself may or may not be something you have the inner perspective to do yourself, but if you do decide to take advantage if your therapist as a sounding board, I would suggest easing into it. Don’t fling open the lid to that Pandora’s Box all at once. Tackle it one angst at a time.

A therapist is not a repository of Truth, and if he or she ever attempts to be an agent of Justice, an ethical lapse has occurred. So with a competent professional therapist, you should find no reason to fear either ideology or shame being thrown at you. If it happens, the fault is not yours, but a failure of the therapist to act as one. This voyage of discovery is for you, no one else, and in the end you’re only going to arrive at a place to which you’ve guided yourself. Use your therapist as intended... as a compass.