Jump to content
Ftmwannabpoz

What's the big deal about being Poz

Recommended Posts

Being gay and poz still carries that stigma from the 1980s and the aids epidemic. But with the advances in treating HIV I don't see what the big deal is. Its just like any other chronic illness that could potentially kill you but is treatable with medication. 

Besides, I see it as something to be proud of. For me being a gay transman its a rite of passage to being a true gay man. So when I get it its going to be my badge of honor.

  • Like 1
  • Upvote 1
  • Downvote 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Ftmwannabpoz said:

Being gay and poz still carries that stigma from the 1980s and the aids epidemic. But with the advances in treating HIV I don't see what the big deal is. Its just like any other chronic illness that could potentially kill you but is treatable with medication. 

Besides, I see it as something to be proud of. For me being a gay transman its a rite of passage to being a true gay man. So when I get it its going to be my badge of honor.

If you think ONLY poz guys are "true" gay men and that HIV is a badge of honor, then you need therapy. Seriously. 

It's a big deal because:

1. It's a lifetime commitment to medication that can fuck with your body, including impairing any number of other bodily functions like your kidneys. And bear in mind, most of these wonder drugs have been around for about 20 years or less, so we don't know what a long lifetime (say, 50+ years) of these drugs will do to a person. Or even if they'll continue to work for 50 years - or will HIV eventually overwhelm even the drugs of last resort?

2. It's expensive. People can argue that insurance covers most of the cost, and the drug companies help cover copays, but that's not magical free money that just rains from the skies. It comes from somewhere, and it's money that (while it needs to be spent) could have been spent on so many other things to improve life for all. I'm not saying we shouldn't cover HIV treatment; I'm saying if we didn't have so much of it to treat, we'd be better off as a society.

For a long time, the argument that this was just like the danger of cardiovascular disease from eating too much fatty food or too much red meat or Type II diabetes from excess sugar consumption: that people shouldn't be expected to sacrifice all pleasurable eating to get medical treatment for an otherwise avoidable disease, so people shouldn't be expected to have less-pleasant, condomed sex. But even accepting that argument, PrEP makes that point null and void: you can have thoroughly enjoyable, bareback sex if you stay on PrEP and essentially eliminate your risk of contracting HIV.

I do agree that there shouldn't be a stigma about being HIV-positive. But there is, and while we can work to reduce that stigma, that doesn't magically wish it away. No more than saying trans people shouldn't be discriminated against so let's wave our little fairy wands and make that vanish, too. 

  • Like 1
  • Upvote 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

As I stated in the thread you posted with a similar message:

"" I feel like getting pozzed would make me feel more like a gay man." Aside from it being offensive to gay men, there are so many things wrong with that statement I won't even get into them other than to say it is so misguided for you to think that adding an incurable disease to everything else your body, and mind, is going through right now would help! The larger percentage of the gay male population is negative, you do not need to be poz to "feel more like a gay man."! I'm not preaching or judging, just chiming in since you posted on a public board and suggesting that you reevaluate things. Best of luck. Peace!"

 

Now your posting this makes it seem you are a joke, posting these messages for attention just to bait replies.

Edited by cumbbear
  • Upvote 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel that the writer is asking a fair question- how tightly inter-woven anyone's notion of what the idea of being a  PROUD GAY  man and  the most primal meaning of  BEING AND FUNCTIONING as the POZ-MAN  I think I am?  After being POZ for over 33 yrs---- I cannot separate these parts of myself.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, HardaddyMA said:

I feel that the writer is asking a fair question- how tightly inter-woven anyone's notion of what the idea of being a  PROUD GAY  man and  the most primal meaning of  BEING AND FUNCTIONING as the POZ-MAN  I think I am?  After being POZ for over 33 yrs---- I cannot separate these parts of myself.

How we each identify and what our relationship with HIV/AID is very personal.  No doubt, for many of us it is so tightly connected, being queer and POZ that it is hard to separate.  For those of us who were actively fags before the HIV "crisis" of the early 80's, it can even be more complicated.   I have written before that I had sex with a high school fuck bud 6 months before he died of what was still being called the "gay cancer".   No doubt, my own desire to experience an authentic gay life, extreme sex and a very real connection to the early days of HIV infection was a formula for my eventual infection.   In my situation, being TRUELY connected via the virus to all the POZ gays before me and all the POZ men who will come after me has been intense and very rewarding.   While my high school fuck bud had ever chance to infect me, he did not.  But, the night of his funeral, I jacked up to the thought of what could have been.  I knew at that moment HIV would be associated with my vision of queer existence for the rest of my life.

When I say I am POZ and PROUD it means several things.   I had a desire and saw it through to the finish.   I had a NEED to be connected to those who had experienced the moment of understanding they were infected and I have felt all that emotion and cherish sharing that with so many others.   I learned that so many POZ men have a more unique and larger than life existence compared to more vanilla and safe queers.   That feeling and that way of living is so much of what I have spent a life time of trying to achieve  so that my self image and physical image were aligned.    None of that can be separated for me and for many who share that.  

I am fortunate to have many supportive friends, queer and straight, great health care and consistent mental health care.   In all aspects, I have been very open and honest about what I am and what it takes to feel authentic.   No doubt, I am often coached in ways that conflict with my desires.   Surprisingly my long time tattoo artist had the most difficulty but over months and while getting a full back piece we discussed the subject.   When it was time for my POZ ink, she designed it and inked it for free, and gave me one of the tainted needles as a reminder.   

So, in many cases, the disease is actually not really the deal....it is the image and connection and personal beliefs associated with it that result in our pride.  And in my life, it is a big deal.  I have no shame in saying that.   In fact, an old "friend" just saw my POZ ink Thursday night and had no idea, but realized what she knew about me should have told her I was or would be POZ.   I will write about that in my blog in just a bit.

There are many things I do not understand and many things I still question, sexually, morally and emotionally.  But I believe it is better to try to understand and support than shame.   Unless you know the heart, mind and experiences of another, you have no idea the anguish, fear, growth and worry that may have been part of their life.   

 

  • Thanks 1
  • Upvote 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/28/2020 at 12:04 AM, HardaddyMA said:

I feel that the writer is asking a fair question- how tightly inter-woven anyone's notion of what the idea of being a  PROUD GAY  man and  the most primal meaning of  BEING AND FUNCTIONING as the POZ-MAN  I think I am?  After being POZ for over 33 yrs---- I cannot separate these parts of myself.

I think this is one of those cases where I believe "words matter". 

The thoughts you express here - that the two aspects of "being gay" and "being poz" are inseparable, for you, doesn't mean that being only one or the other makes one "incomplete." The OP said - and I quote directly - "For me being a gay transman its a rite of passage to being a true gay man. So when I get it its going to be my badge of honor."

That's awfully dismissive of the millions upon millions of gay  people who are NOT HIV-positive, and extraordinarily snubbing to the hundreds of thousands of gay men who died not wanting this "badge of honor" and who would have given anything to trade that "award" for a few more decades of life.

I'm HIV-positive. I accept that, and it's part of my being just like being 57 or being of Cajun descent or having marginally high cholesterol. But accepting that it's reality is a far cry from claiming it's some sort of trophy or something that makes me "more gay". I think that's an attitude that needs examining, by a competent mental health professional. It's like bragging that having cardiovascular disease after a life of eating excessive amounts of fatty food makes one more authentically American, and that needing a quadruple bypass is a badge of honor.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I wasn't chasing it - my becoming poz happened due to general irresponsibility than anything else.  

It's taken a very long time to come to terms with the long and winding road that eventually led to me hitting rock bottom and doing the kinds of things that eventually got me infected.  Once that happened, it's been a long and winding road to get my emotional well-being back on the up and up (though it's always a bit tenuous, as I have a constant fear of falling off the wagon).  

I'm "proud to be poz" in the sense that I've come to accept my status as the learning experience it's become.  That DOES NOT mean that I'm happy to have contracted it in the first place.  Nor am I going to advocate for anyone to be irresponsible with their own health and wellbeing either.  I have friends of mine who were diagnosed as poz long before I received my own diagnosis.  On the one hand, knowing them as long as I have, there's a certain level of knowing what I would have been in for; on the other hand, nothing can really prepare you for the emotional roller coaster of that first doctor visit where you get asked all the questions and provide so many samples of blood.  The "big deal" is that once it's done, it's done.  No undoing it.  I don't think that many of those who are actively "chasing" fully grasp what they are potentially getting themselves into.

Most importantly, I grew up in the 80's and 90's when gay men had to suffer through those who would claim that this disease was "killing all the right people".  Gay men didn't ask for this affliction then, nor are we asking for this now.  It's not a "gay disease" that requires that we all actively seek it out to validate our existence.  

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use, Privacy Policy, and Guidelines. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.