Training without a long term master

[kinkysuBB]

This boy currently doesn’t have a master. I do meet kinky players who like me to be of use them during one off sessions. Can anyone suggest how to get the most out of this situation, in terms of advancing my training? Or do I need to find a long term master to give my loyalty to in return for training?

[skinster]

There are benefits to both views that you mentioned. To me compatibility (physical and mental) is a bigger key than heightened level of virginity or major existing skills. It is about (for lack of a better word) sharing a mutual development experience, bonding over mutual kinks and molding to a degree of a deeply mated situation sexually and domestically. Most of other things don't establish any similar connection and feel like quickies and second-hand sloppy holes. At the same time having virgins gets tiring quicker than you think. When you're broken in by a particular hand, you would feel like a broken-in glove to it. To me - that's the biggest ownership idea. That's what brings in chemistry to the collar. The intimate, sleazy side of filth, the connection. Not passing pretty butterflies or immediate gratification - open mind before an open ass.

[Guygonebad]

On 12/19/2020 at 3:49 PM, subBottomKink said:

This boy currently doesn’t have a master. I do meet kinky players who like me to be of use them during one off sessions. Can anyone suggest how to get the most out of this situation, in terms of advancing my training? Or do I need to find a long term master to give my loyalty to in return for training?

Several years ago I went through 6 months of total training at the hand of an experienced master. I understand the “one off “ master training, but in my opinion, if you are really serious, invest the time to find a good ongoing longer term training situation with an experienced alpha master.
 

It took me lots of time to find the right Alpha Master. I did through sites like this, but devoted to BDSM, even some straight sites. But once I connected to a few guys in my area, they connected me to some others. This was like over 6 months of time.

Once I connected with the man that would be come my training master. We spoke over a period of time. He didn’t want to waste his time. He had rules; such as we would work towards “no limits “ training. Trust is the ultimate key to success here. We had a safe word, BUT it would only be used once. If I used the safe word, he would stop, I would dress and leave and we would be done. This sets up a trust and safety, that the master cannot push you faster than you can progress and it pressures the sub to try harder, and push his limits. 
 

I made it through 9 months of training, progressing to totally no limits. It was truly an experience of a life time. My training master is my master for life. He doesn’t own me or anything else. I respect him, but if he requests something of me or wants something I comply out of total respect and subservience to him; and I always will.

[kinkysuBB]

23 minutes ago, Guygonebad said:

Several years ago I went through 6 months of total training at the hand of an experienced master. I understand the “one off “ master training, but in my opinion, if you are really serious, invest the time to find a good ongoing longer term training situation with an experienced alpha master.
 

It took me lots of time to find the right Alpha Master. I did through sites like this, but devoted to BDSM, even some straight sites. But once I connected to a few guys in my area, they connected me to some others. This was like over 6 months of time.

Once I connected with the man that would be come my training master. We spoke over a period of time. He didn’t want to waste his time. He had rules; such as we would work towards “no limits “ training. Trust is the ultimate key to success here. We had a safe word, BUT it would only be used once. If I used the safe word, he would stop, I would dress and leave and we would be done. This sets up a trust and safety, that the master cannot push you faster than you can progress and it pressures the sub to try harder, and push his limits. 
 

I made it through 9 months of training, progressing to totally no limits. It was truly an experience of a life time. My training master is my master for life. He doesn’t own me or anything else. I respect him, but if he requests something of me or wants something I comply out of total respect and subservience to him; and I always will.

I can’t add any more reactions today, but thank you for this.

I have been thinking a lot about safe words. What you describe sounds very hard core, but totally fair and also worthwhile, for the reasons you describe.

I have since found a Dom to train me, on here, albeit online only for now. Which is obviously not the same, very much not the same, but I’m very happy with the mental side of the training I’m receiving so far. I’ve certainly changed aspects of my daily behaviour, and as a result the fact that I’m an inferior sub is starting to penetrate into my psyche.

[BreedingTop71]

It’s hard to get proper training without a long term Master or Superior in your life. Reason being is simple: bondage is about trust. Period. As a Master I can tell you there is a ratio of 1 Dom/Master for every 10 subs/slaves. At first sight it wouldn’t seem that way, say looking in Recon. Eventually you realize that most self-proclaimed “Doms” are not really doms. They are more like “switch” or even regular guys who enjoy the fantasy of having someone at their service but are unable to know what to do with them. 
 

for me it was easy to know what I was, as a gay man I always wanted to top. Then I realized I enjoyed the feel of sexually “using” the he bottom. Then it progressed into being rough and the first time I did impact play, I came in 10 seconds, that’s how much I liked it. I was ready for seconds in less than 5 minutes. 
 

for you, the road is harder but my advice is not to focus on looks, race or age. Focus on chemistry and comfort level. You have to feel connected at one level, have the same goals. For instance I am a key holder (need my sub in chastity. Won’t have him any other way) and I tend to enjoy inflicting pain. I have to know my sub very well before I use him and tend to get romantically involved with them because I tend to be very controlling and protective outside the bedroom. I also like to breed and guys whose main interest is to collect loads do not turn me on (not passing judgement, just not my thing). 
 

my sub will never have to use the safe word because I know his body well, I progressed into the things we do, starting from basic stuff like handcuffs all the way into whipping and predicament. 
 

progression is what you want. Don’t jump off the deep end of this pool. Especially not with the wrong guy. It may scar you either physically or mentally. Maybe even both

[TightBott7]

54 minutes ago, BreedingTop71 said:

It’s hard to get proper training without a long term Master or Superior in your life. Reason being is simple: bondage is about trust. Period. As a Master I can tell you there is a ratio of 1 Dom/Master for every 10 subs/slaves. At first sight it wouldn’t seem that way, say looking in Recon. Eventually you realize that most self-proclaimed “Doms” are not really doms. They are more like “switch” or even regular guys who enjoy the fantasy of having someone at their service but are unable to know what to do with them. 
 

for me it was easy to know what I was, as a gay man I always wanted to top. Then I realized I enjoyed the feel of sexually “using” the he bottom. Then it progressed into being rough and the first time I did impact play, I came in 10 seconds, that’s how much I liked it. I was ready for seconds in less than 5 minutes. 
 

for you, the road is harder but my advice is not to focus on looks, race or age. Focus on chemistry and comfort level. You have to feel connected at one level, have the same goals. For instance I am a key holder (need my sub in chastity. Won’t have him any other way) and I tend to enjoy inflicting pain. I have to know my sub very well before I use him and tend to get romantically involved with them because I tend to be very controlling and protective outside the bedroom. I also like to breed and guys whose main interest is to collect loads do not turn me on (not passing judgement, just not my thing). 
 

my sub will never have to use the safe word because I know his body well, I progressed into the things we do, starting from basic stuff like handcuffs all the way into whipping and predicament. 
 

progression is what you want. Don’t jump off the deep end of this pool. Especially not with the wrong guy. It may scar you either physically or mentally. Maybe even both

Thanks fir sharing your insights. I knew always that I was a bottom but only recently began realizing that being a sub was something different. As I’m also of a very submissive nature always seeking the approval of my alpha top, and I’m now slowly starting to give my sub nature more actual experience.

[BreedingTop71]

35 minutes ago, TightBott7 said:

Thanks fir sharing your insights. I knew always that I was a bottom but only recently began realizing that being a sub was something different. As I’m also of a very submissive nature always seeking the approval of my alpha top, and I’m now slowly starting to give my sub nature more actual experience.

You are starting a beautiful journey. Submission will make you feel whole and complete. You will look back one day and wonder how you were able to live without your Dom, without surrendering control, without worshipping your top. Live it fully but trust only after you carefully consider all facts. There is no greater pleasure than making your Superior cum inside you. You will be proud and feel worthy. Your needs will mean nothing. It will all be about the Man you respectfully serve. Also, don’t be so sure of Doms who pimp you out. I believe a Dom should respect His property. Letting any random guy use what’s his, it’s unbecoming of a proper Owner. 
 

just my two cents. 

[ErosWired]

What to look for in a Dominant has a lot to with what your personal goals are for training. It’s unlikely that you’re going to find one single individual who is going to be able to fully explore every facet of your personal sexual/submissive growth.

I have had the benefit of servicing a number of remarkable Dominants who each took me down his rabbit-hole-of-choice for a short time even though I wasn’t owned or collared. Each of them taught me something no other Man has. One taught me the true meaning of submission simply by finger-fucking me beyond the point that I could take it any more. One taught me how to take intense electro  (a skill I would very much need later). One taught me the power and perils of hypnosis. Lots of small lessons.

Then I met my Master, and for six years my body was owned property, but my mind was his main interest. The training was much deeper, and could accomplish much more, because it built on itself over time. He actually made permanent changes in me based on his training techniques - he was a Sadist, and methodical.

Yet even though I loved the time I grew with him, in the end I could feel the need to grow beyond him as well, because he couldn’t be everything I needed. He did share me out to a few others for expanded training experiences - there was one edger in particular who I will never forget - but I felt a need to be taken to a place if even deeper debasement that he wasn’t interested in pursuing.

He released me in the end to follow other interests, and that has allowed me to take what he revealed about my sexual purpose and come to terms with what it means. But I still feel a very strong need to submit to a Dominant male - the difficulty is in finding one who would enjoy using me in debasing ways that would fulfill my need.

This is exactly what I mean about your choice needing to fit your goals. You can’t allow yourself to be hamstrung by other men’s preconceptions. Take, for instance, the assertion above that it’s unbecoming for a Dominant to whore out his submissive - that’s hardly a universal opinion, may run counter to some Dominants’ training goals for their cumdumps, and doesn’t take into account the kind of experience that teaches a submissive that his holes are not his own. While that kind of mutually exclusive ownership relationship may work well for some, others might find it impossibly stifling and ultimately unworkable.

 In sum, I would say don’t be in any great hurry to find “the” Dominant for you. Shop around, gain some diverse experiences. That way, you’re more likely to know him when you find him, and have the experience to be a match for him.

[BreedingTop71]

Can anyone tell me how difficult is it to find an Alpha Master? I see ads/posts for literally hundreds of sub guys looking for their Masters but also a good chunk of posts from their matches. 
 

I feel bad for SubBottomKink cause I know a sub without an owner is a terrible thing, a sub needs to serve to feel whole and complete. 
 

having said that, if I were in his shoes I would focus on looking for the right Owner but I also wanted to propose an alternative: two of my submissives started as regular bottoms to me. I trained them to become more than that. Take a little more pain. A little rougher. Some degrading. Each time a little more. Eventually I was able to mold them to my needs and what I want. 
 

Maybe the same can be achieved with a willing top. For one, discard top/vers. That sounds like a switch and you don’t want that if you are a sub bottom. The rest is about offering the top the possibility of exploring kinks he might have or even be attentive about what his needs are and see if they can be taken to the max. 
 

maybe a total top can be trained to be a Dom Master. 

Edited April 9, 2021 by BreedingTop71

[ErosWired]

8 hours ago, BreedingTop71 said:

maybe a total top can be trained to be a Dom Master. 

I don’t think it’s something that can be taught. The predilection to dominate another man, to exercise power and control over him, is common enough - one sees it everyday among men who seek power and privilege.

But the desires that cause a man to desire to become a Dominant - to dominate another man sexually - derive I think from deeper in the man’s psychology, and the more completely he seeks to control this most intimate and vulnerable aspect of the other man, the deeper the psychological effect has to be.

A Dominant who enjoys simply being respected as a Top, deferred to and called Sir is a mild example. A Dominant who requires his boy to wear a collar and does not hesitate to fuck roughly is not at the same level. A Dominant who will bind his submissive and routinely select other men to come and violently fuck him in bondage is at a still different level. A Dominant who will torture his owned submissive’s genitals with electricity and needles and then mindfuck him until he accepts that that treatment is good for him is so far removed from the first example that the two can scarcely be compared; the first would not be considered a Sadist, the second could hardly not be.

Yet all of these examples, to varying degrees have developed an appetite for controlling the one thing that cuts right at the core of the other man’s masculinity - his sexuality. The Dominant, unlike the simple Top, derives satisfaction from diminishing the masculinity of other men. In one way or another, the Dominant enjoys the sensation of taking away the submissive’s control over his own sex - whether coarsely, by brute force penetration and physical violation, or by compelling sexual acts by being the one who chooses who fucks him, or by violating him at his very core by violent forced orgasm.

 I have experienced all of the above, at the hands of an assortment of Dominants. In my experience, men who relish the role of sexual Dominant as distinct from simply Top are an uncommon breed with an in-built mindset and set of appetites that must have arisen over the course if their development and become ingrained in their psyche - and thus cannot be taught to the average Top.

Perhaps because of my experiences, I cannot imagine now what I would be for if such men did not exist; I am their nourishment, an animal to be laid upon their table so that they may feed upon me, specially bred for the purpose so that others may be spared their ravenous hungers. I am glad that I was trained to serve such men this way. But it becomes very clear to me when I’m servicing regular Tops that there is a great divide between the Tops and the Dominants.

The Tops want to use me; the Dominants  wish to consume me. You can’t teach someone to be... hungry like that.

[BttmCub88]

It can be extremely tough and disappointing looking for an alpha to take ownership. My problen is sort of location. Not many guys in my area to begin with to have a conversation with. But god willing ill be a devoted sub bf to a real man when the time is right. And ready to be caged right away