HIV, how would it change your sex life ?

[Guest]

If you were to contract HIV how would that effect your sex life? Would you tell potential partners? Meds or no meds?  Gift or stealth ?

Serious response not fantasy 

[leatherpunk16]

I would probably take myself off the market for a while until I had accepted it. Only close friends (probably those who have it also) would know at first. My family doesn't need that ammo. As for taking meds, it depends on how I really react to diagnosis. We can show all kinds of bravado and say "No meds when it happens for me!", but is that the truth? Not all of us are really ready for that news, and when it becomes reality, are we under any obligation to stick to what we said before? I think not!

If I actively chased - fucked whoever, begged for their toxic load, etc - then probably no meds for a while. It was what I wanted, so let's put it to use. Let me do some damage first. Meds can come when the party is over and I've had my fun. But gifting only the willing. I don't think I could live with myself to stealth and cause harm to others when they weren't expecting/deserving it.

If I was surprised by the news - a random encounter, or a stealthing, or an accident on set - I would take it harder. It wasn't planned. Maybe my mind was elsewhere at the time. Maybe it was just lousy sex and deemed "not worth it" immediately after it was over. Let's equate that with getting a parking ticket and someone broke into your car in the same night.

It will be one or the other. At least I have a plan.

[Kimberley]

I don't think it would changed my sex life with men. since i'm been on prep i have no limits any longer, take all loads so there is nothing that changed that. on the other side a relationship with womans would be hard. being poz would scared most womans i think

[Guest]

20 hours ago, leatherpunk16 said:

I would probably take myself off the market for a while until I had accepted it. Only close friends (probably those who have it also) would know at first. My family doesn't need that ammo. As for taking meds, it depends on how I really react to diagnosis. We can show all kinds of bravado and say "No meds when it happens for me!", but is that the truth? Not all of us are really ready for that news, and when it becomes reality, are we under any obligation to stick to what we said before? I think not!

If I actively chased - fucked whoever, begged for their toxic load, etc - then probably no meds for a while. It was what I wanted, so let's put it to use. Let me do some damage first. Meds can come when the party is over and I've had my fun. But gifting only the willing. I don't think I could live with myself to stealth and cause harm to others when they weren't expecting/deserving it.

If I was surprised by the news - a random encounter, or a stealthing, or an accident on set - I would take it harder. It wasn't planned. Maybe my mind was elsewhere at the time. Maybe it was just lousy sex and deemed "not worth it" immediately after it was over. Let's equate that with getting a parking ticket and someone broke into your car in the same night.

It will be one or the other. At least I have a plan.

Well said.  There are the fantasies and the reality of the moment and beyond.  It all swirls around, ebbs and flows.  

[sluttony]

I suspect that for the majority of people the reality is different from the fantasy. I don't believe that there are many guys who genuinely want to get ill and impact their quality of life/their lives be ended prematurely. I'm sure there are some outliers who do, but they are the exception.

If someone is poz and on medication with an undetectable load then I see no reason for them to disclose unless directly asked after all it's safer than the guys who whore around blindly and say "neg" when asked, regardless of if or when then last tested.

If you're in a position where you want to share the gift of it then I'd say go for it before you get on meds but the studies are clear, ultimately - starting medication earlier leads to a much more normal life/health prognosis.

I also think it depends how the conversion takes place - if a guy gets really poorly with fuck flu/associated illnesses or they've not tested and end up really poorly from it progressing unchecked, I have no doubt that it'll colour how they approach their infection from that point on.

As to how it changes sexual behaviour? It's a case of "well got the worst thing out there now" so generally guys who have converted are even sluttier and less caring. There is no regret (other than maybe not being able to have the chase to catch it again).

I'm no fan of stealthing, though it's hot at a personal level to think of a top doing it to me, that's my own personality and choices but ultimately I've always felt cheated if I don't get the load in me as well as rubbers being damn uncomfortable.

I guess that's just a long-winded way of saying I don't think anyone knows for certain exactly how or if their sex adventures will change until it's happened.

[Guest Descartes70817]

On 3/2/2021 at 10:29 AM, leatherpunk16 said:

I would probably take myself off the market for a while until I had accepted it. Only close friends (probably those who have it also) would know at first. My family doesn't need that ammo. As for taking meds, it depends on how I really react to diagnosis. We can show all kinds of bravado and say "No meds when it happens for me!", but is that the truth? Not all of us are really ready for that news, and when it becomes reality, are we under any obligation to stick to what we said before? I think not!

If I actively chased - fucked whoever, begged for their toxic load, etc - then probably no meds for a while. It was what I wanted, so let's put it to use. Let me do some damage first. Meds can come when the party is over and I've had my fun. But gifting only the willing. I don't think I could live with myself to stealth and cause harm to others when they weren't expecting/deserving it.

If I was surprised by the news - a random encounter, or a stealthing, or an accident on set - I would take it harder. It wasn't planned. Maybe my mind was elsewhere at the time. Maybe it was just lousy sex and deemed "not worth it" immediately after it was over. Let's equate that with getting a parking ticket and someone broke into your car in the same night.

It will be one or the other. At least I have a plan.

A word of warning from someone who took things too far - as soon as your CD4 cell count drops below 500 get yourself on meds. I waited until mine was just 34, so while my meds keep me undetectable nothing will ever repair the internal organ and tissue damage done by the various opportunistic infections you will get along the way, and if you get as far as pneumocystis pneumonia you're likely to find yourself with pulmonary arterial hypertension, so even while the treatment will give you plenty of boners you'll rarely have the energy to do anything with them.

[leatherpunk16]

1 hour ago, Descartes70817 said:

A word of warning from someone who took things too far - as soon as your CD4 cell count drops below 500 get yourself on meds. I waited until mine was just 34, so while my meds keep me undetectable nothing will ever repair the internal organ and tissue damage done by the various opportunistic infections you will get along the way, and if you get as far as pneumocystis pneumonia you're likely to find yourself with pulmonary arterial hypertension, so even while the treatment will give you plenty of boners you'll rarely have the energy to do anything with them.

Last August I played with a guy who used to live in Chelsea, a hotbed for the gays during the outbreaks in the 80s, and he never got tested. He and his friends were constantly recharging each other. When he finally got treatment, his CD4 was down to NINE. Knockin' on death's door! He's better now, but god damn that was close. 

[Guest]

10 hours ago, leatherpunk16 said:

Last August I played with a guy who used to live in Chelsea, a hotbed for the gays during the outbreaks in the 80s, and he never got tested. He and his friends were constantly recharging each other. When he finally got treatment, his CD4 was down to NINE. Knockin' on death's door! He's better now, but god damn that was close. 

I had a buddy who had a CD4 count of two.  He named them to be silly.  Thankfully much better now.

[PigBoyDallas]

It’s hard to know how I’d react until it happens. I think that’d be true for most everyone. A bud of mine who’s poz has been grappling with that over the past year as he was on meds but couldn’t afford them as he lost his bar back job when Covid hit and the club he worked at closed. He’d been undetectable up to that point but once he stopped meds he knew that wouldn’t last. He was upfront with guys that he wasn’t comfortable topping on account of his status but he did take loads of guys didn’t care. He was surprised by how many guys wanted him to fuck them bare and cum inside them (in fairness he is really hot and has an amazing dick). And it wasn’t just guys on prep, it was guys not on prep. He said he turned guys down as he didn’t want to have the fear or burden that he gave it to them. As for me I’d give it to them if they wanted it. They’re probably taking anon loads from other guys and poz loads too so why not? I already fuck a lot of guys who never ask my status so it’s clear they don’t give a shit or are on prep. Knowledge is power but if you wanna stick your head in the sand that’s your business. That said I’m kind of the same way as I pretty much never ask a guy their status either.

[fskn]

13 hours ago, PigBoyDallas said:

A bud of mine who’s poz has been grappling with that over the past year as he was on meds but couldn’t afford them as he lost his bar back job when Covid hit and the club he worked at closed. He’d been undetectable up to that point but once he stopped meds he knew that wouldn’t last.

As an aside, if your friend wants to resume HIV treatment, please encourage him to inquire about ADAP. Working through the states, the federal government funds drug assistance for HIV-positive people with low incomes, limited insurance, or no insurance. Procedures differ from state to state, but a program exists in every state.

[BootmanLA]

23 hours ago, fskn said:

As an aside, if your friend wants to resume HIV treatment, please encourage him to inquire about ADAP. Working through the states, the federal government funds drug assistance for HIV-positive people with low incomes, limited insurance, or no insurance. Procedures differ from state to state, but a program exists in every state.

Indeed. Here in Louisiana, for instance, the program we have is open to people who make up from zero to roughly $48,000 a year. Once our governor expanded Medicaid as provided under the ACA, people making up to 133% of the poverty level were put on expanded Medicaid (because that pot of money from the feds is separate from the Ryan White funded program), but people between that and the program cutoff qualify for regular benefits. With the program, they simply pay the premium for you to have regular insurance - in our case, through BlueCross/BlueShield - and there's a separate program designed to cover deductibles and copays with the providers, so the cost to the patient is literally zero.

Even aside from the benefits of getting back on HIV treatment, it's a lifesaver if you need other medical attention. Not sure how Texas does it, but since the program simply pays your insurance premium and handles all the claims, etc., there's no stigma attached when you provide your insurance card to the medical provider, either. He should definitely look into it.