Open Relationship Conversation

[ShyBBFag]

I have gathered from posts that there are others here like me who are in long term relationships. My question is how have you approached the subject of an open relationship with your partner? How did they respond to it? And did you stick to the agreement if there was one?

[ShyBBFag]

I’ll go first, me and my girlfriend have mentioned it a few times for strictly members of the same sex. Which is okay with me because I’m only interested in sleeping with men outside the relationship anyway. But she’s said she wants it to be something down the road when we need to spice things up. Personally I’m trying to be patient but it is tough, however I’ve been good so far. I bring it up every now and then to reassess but so far it’s not happening. I have a couple outlets like this that she knows about though so that helps. 

[backdoorjimmy]

I’ve only been in two real relationships and they both started off with the understanding that it was open. My first bf and I met at a party where I was the only bottom. He asked me to spend time at his place the next day and things developed from there. We were both bottoms but he was a top for me, so it was natural that he’d want to find a top to satisfy him.

Me and my current bf started as FWBs. I’d been getting fucked by him and his roommates for a few months when I realized that I wanted him to own me. He passes me around to his boys and I’m happy with that. He also throws dick to his youngest roommate and I’m okay with that too. At the end of the night, I curl up at his side and he holds me while we sleep, and that’s what matters to me. 

[Cockdumb&Cute]

Thanm u for sharing - i will share too!!

i am owned by/belong to my daddy/bf....but due to injuries he sustained when he was younger has a very low sex drive, and physical sex is too painful...so me and my daddy have a purely LOVE fueled relationship BUT: He TELLS & ENCOURAGES me to fulfill my purpose in life - to be the best/most obedient, slutty, airheaded, lil bareback Breeding Bitch i can be - as much & often as i desire. He will not be present NOR will he join in my extra curricular activities - at the end of the night i curl up with him and am loved and happy.

[BootmanLA]

First, some specifics regarding my situation (since you asked how others handle things): I'm in an open relationship that has been open from day one - in fact, I met my partner when he was in town visiting a mutual friend he'd come to play with. We both continued to play with the mutual friend (and others in his circle) so it has never been an issue.

Now, for general advice, followed by specific advice for you: It's always better to set out the terms of a relationship when it first develops into anything even approaching serious. Certainly before anyone moves in with the other person, certainly before either starts declaring themselves a couple. It doesn't have to be explicit down to every last detail, but if an open relationship is something you want, you need to make that clear up front. That way, nobody's in the position of being the victim of a bait-and-switch.

It's a little late for you for that, apparently. Moreover, she's imposing strictures on you that are, shall we say, kind of controlling. You can have sex outside the relationship, but only when "we" (meaning "she") needs to spice things up? Your outside needs are limited by her drive? Which suggests if she decides she doesn't really want you sleeping with other guys, you won't get to. I'd lay odds this is more about possessiveness (she doesn't want to chance losing you to someone else who has something she can't give you - a dick and balls) and so she's foot-dragging to keep from worrying about it.

So I'm going to suggest you make it clear to her that this is something *you* need, at some point, and while you are amenable to deferring it for a limited period until any concerns about you being invested in this relationship, that can't and won't go on forever - not only is it not fair to you, but it's not fair to her. You don't have to set a deadline, but at the same time, you should make it clear that X point - say, a year from now - is long enough for her to get used to the idea. And if she can't cope with that, it needs to end.

If she actually doesn't want  you sleeping with men, and you feel that's something you are not willing to give up for the rest of your time together, then you aren't the man for her and she's not the woman for you. Much better to regretfully part as friends than to drag it out and have the relationship deteriorate to the point where you can't stand to be near each other.

[bareback-flipflop]

6 hours ago, backdoorjimmy said:

I’ve only been in two real relationships and they both started off with the understanding that it was open. My first bf and I met at a party where I was the only bottom. He asked me to spend time at his place the next day and things developed from there. We were both bottoms but he was a top for me, so it was natural that he’d want to find a top to satisfy him.

Me and my current bf started as FWBs. I’d been getting fucked by him and his roommates for a few months when I realized that I wanted him to own me. He passes me around to his boys and I’m happy with that. He also throws dick to his youngest roommate and I’m okay with that too. At the end of the night, I curl up at his side and he holds me while we sleep, and that’s what matters to me. 

Something like this is what I want from my next serious relationship. 
I only had two real relationships. The one of them  lasted for two years, and wasn’t open. My ex was absolutely jealous. At the beginning his jealousy was absolutely groundless but later I cheated him many times. I don’t like it. We tried to resolve this problem with threesomes, which were good but I still continued to cheat him. 
My second relationship based on a real and true love. It lasted almost 17 years. We loved each other and had a lot of fun but the sex wasn’t satisfying to me. My boyfriend was not really interested in sex. I couldn’t say that he was asexual but never initiated the sex. We didn’t have sex for years. And if we had it wasn’t enough for me and wasn’t  hot. We never agreed that we were in an open relationship but we both knew that I need sex and if I didn’t get it at home I would be looking for it with another guy. After the broke up he said that he knew that I had sex with another guys but it didn’t embarrass him. It was rather relief to him that there was no pressure on him to have sex. 
Since I am hypersexual, I can’t imagine that I would be able to have sex only one man. I need orgies, saunas, clubs and having sex guys as many as I can. And I enjoy that I have the opportunity to live as a hypersexual. However, I miss the feeling that I am important to someone. Missing hugs, falling asleep and waking up with someone and making things with that guy. I felt the lack of this especially last spring during the first wave of the pandemic. 
To make long story short, I don’t want to choose my slut nympho  life and the bf thing. I want both and therefore, I always declare that if we have relationship, it must be open. 

[BootmanLA]

2 minutes ago, bareback-flipflop said:

To make long story short, I don’t want to choose my slut nympho  life and the bf thing. I want both and therefore, I always declare that if we have relationship, it must be open. 

There's nothing wrong with that at all. As long as you're open and honest about it from the start.

Now, once you've made it clear that's what you want, your future partner may want to put some guidelines on it. Maybe it's "Don't ever tell me about anyone you have sex with." Maybe it's "Don't have sex with other people in our house." Maybe it's "Nothing with anyone who's our mutual friend so I'm not the ignorant one not knowing what's going on with you and him." It might even be "You need to tell me what you do because I want to know and get off on the retelling" - who knows? But the point is, if he has requirements like that, you need to honor them. Otherwise, you're back to cheating, because that's no longer being "open and honest".

[bareback-flipflop]

9 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

There's nothing wrong with that at all. As long as you're open and honest about it from the start.

Now, once you've made it clear that's what you want, your future partner may want to put some guidelines on it. Maybe it's "Don't ever tell me about anyone you have sex with." Maybe it's "Don't have sex with other people in our house." Maybe it's "Nothing with anyone who's our mutual friend so I'm not the ignorant one not knowing what's going on with you and him." It might even be "You need to tell me what you do because I want to know and get off on the retelling" - who knows? But the point is, if he has requirements like that, you need to honor them. Otherwise, you're back to cheating, because that's no longer being "open and honest".

Totally agreed. Before my second and the long relationship I said to my later boyfriend that I was not able to be monogamous. He accepted it and after this declaration we were getting a couple. So, I was open and didn’t cause any surprise. 
I also can accept that my boyfriend has requirements. However, it would make me happier if he’d want to do this together. We would have mutual sex adventures and separate ones as well. After these separated adventures we would share our experiences. And the storytelling would make us horny and fuck each other. It would be more exciting if could feel other guy’s jizz in each other. 

[BootmanLA]

18 hours ago, bareback-flipflop said:

Totally agreed. Before my second and the long relationship I said to my later boyfriend that I was not able to be monogamous. He accepted it and after this declaration we were getting a couple. So, I was open and didn’t cause any surprise. 
I also can accept that my boyfriend has requirements. However, it would make me happier if he’d want to do this together. We would have mutual sex adventures and separate ones as well. After these separated adventures we would share our experiences. And the storytelling would make us horny and fuck each other. It would be more exciting if could feel other guy’s jizz in each other. 

"Requirements" can come from either of you. You could insist on those conditions, if they're that important to you.

Sex advice columnist Dan Savage calls this the Price of Admission. Each of you can set your own Price of Admission: for you, it could be that your relationship be open and that you both will joint and separate sex adventures and agree to share the separate ones afterward with each other. If your potential partner wants a relationship with you bad enough, he'll pay your Price of Admission.

Conversely, his Price of Admission might be "Open is fine with me but I don't want to know who you do things with." And if you want this guy as a partner bad enough, you'll pay his Price of Admission.

Note that in this case, these two prices of admission are incompatible with each other - so one of you has to, so to speak, discount his price. Either you accept that you won't be talking about your hookups with him, but know that you can still do them; or he accepts that he'll have to vicariously experience your hook-ups after the fact. It's a negotiated outcome just like any other negotiation. But not all negotiations produce any result except stalemate; it may be that neither of you is willing to pay even other's bare minimum. There's nothing wrong with that - move on, and life proceeds - but what's wrong is one of you capitulating on something you normally would consider part of the minimum deal. That's a recipe for bitterness and resentment eventually. 

[bareback-flipflop]

Very smart and logic. I like it. 🙂