i'm a good _________________.

[tallslenderguy]

One of the things i find challenges the process of meeting, or even just hooking up, is guys who are not specific. Another is guys who think their standards are universal. 

Specifics?  Guys who write nothing about their self, desires or needs in their profile or when writing back and forth. Their profile says something like: "just looking for fun," or: "looking for a hot time," or "looking for hot guys, " or "must be handsome."   i'm bemused by the number of guys who seem to think others automatically know and understand what their idea of each of those things is? Or worse, they assume their taste is universal?  

Another sort of variation on that theme is when guys say they are "great kissers," or "great cocksuckers," or ______________.  i'm a cocksucker and say so, but i leave off the descriptor of "great" (or lousy lol) because i have sucked enough guys to know that each individual has a different idea of "great" or "lousy."  Some like it hard, some like it soft, and the only way to know is if they find some way to communicate. Some think "great kissing" means swallowing your whole face, while others are more tentative and playful, i.e., some like it one way, others another way. 

i think some guys are afraid to reveal who they are and what they want or need. Others seem to believe others should just know? 

i know terms like Top, bottom, versatile are not perfect descriptors, but they are a starting place. i love guys who's profiles have details, guys who like to communicate before getting together. Personally, i think it's a waste of time to just get together with someone and "see what happens." 

lol, okay. done for now. 

[ErosWired]

It sounds as though your expectation is that men approach their profiles as a platform for self-expression, and wonder why they’re not letting their identities show through more feely given the opportunity. I don’t think most people look at them that way; I think most people see profiles for what they functionally are - marketing.

The more specificity you put into your ad, the more you narrow your potential target. A guy who’s “looking for fun” isn’t narrowing his field of potential encounters very much; a guy “looking for a horse-hung Top skilled in shibari-style bondage for a monogamous life partnership” has almost impossibly narrowed his. The balance is best struck when the advertisement is broad enough to stir enough interest to be worthwhile, yet specific enough to attract only the interest desired. Given the kaleidoscopic range of sexual taste, that balance is difficult to strike, and many people aren’t willing to go to the effort required and so err on the side of generalizing.

As to using terms like “great” in self-description, I understand what you mean, but remember - think of profiles as marketing. A guy wants his profile to generate a positive response, and attract someone who will interact with him according to his assets. He might say “I enjoy kissing”, but that language tells the reader that he is interested in his own pleasure; if he says, “I’m a kisser”, that provides neutral information; if he says “I’m a great kisser” it suggests to the reader that he at leasts considers whether he’s pleasing a partner.

The word choice has risks - exaggerated claims beg proof. A person who self-describes as being a “great cocksucker” risks the reader thinking, Yeah? Sez who? Even if you’re a pretzel-boy who can suck your own cock you’d be biased, so who are you to say you’re so great? I very often struggle with this exact problem in talking about my ass. Simply saying that I give ass places me square in the middle of a seething, indiscriminate mass of thousands upon thousands of bottoms ass-up and hole-out hoping for a cock. What grounds do I have for claiming that my ass provides a better fuck than any of the others? Where would I get off saying that I give “great ass”? Why should I expect anyone to read such a claim and think me anything but conceited? 

Except I have reason to know that I give what a very large sampling of Tops consider great ass. They tell me, without being asked. I have a long list of quotes that I’ve gathered from Tops over time who have complimented my cunt in glowing terms, that I look at every now and then when I need reminding that I really am meant to do this. So if I had to, yes, I could bring out the affidavits. In terms of using a profile as a marketing tool, I’m willing to gain at least a little advantage by using a term that I at least can justify. (Note that there’s a social stigma against self-praise, which by extension necessarily seems to attempt to elevate the speaker to advantage above his peers. Even using myself as an example in analytic terms as I do here, I still feel the embarrassment of public self-assessment.)

But more to the point, when I say I give great ass, if somebody says, “prove it”, I give them my ass to try for themselves. Perhaps those who have the brass to use such terms in their profiles do so because they know that it may inspire such a challenge that they will be only too happy to meet.