Weird Encounter - Sarah Palin

[polyglutton]

When I had limited experience with guys, I saw a sleep therapist for treatment via hypnosis for chronic insomnia brought on by PTSD. He took advantage and forced me to have unprotected anal sex while I was hypnotised. It was in front of a mirror too. I remember being hyper aware of what was happening but being totally unable to control what was happening. 

20 years on I'm still unpacking this experience. It was traumatic and I blocked the experience for a few years.

Vexingly, I found out that it somehow as a result my brain eroticised how my choice had been taken away. This felt like insult to injury, and I tried to ignore it. Over the years I have come to accept it, and that's actually what brought me this site. I don't condone non-consensual sex in real life, but I no longer feel guilty for getting off on having consent taken away from me  

I had a close friend to whom I disclosed I was raped via hypnosis and he didn't believe me. It really sucks when people don't believe you in this way. 

 

Edited December 28, 2021 by polyglutton

[hntnhole]

1 hour ago, polyglutton said:

It really sucks when people don't believe you in this way

I'm really sorry to read what happened.  That friend who disbelieved you probably had no experience in the issue, found it fantastical, and had a tough time imagining it.  He shouldn't have disbelieved you though - he should have asked more questions to inform himself more deeply of your experience.  Try to forgive him for his instinctive-but-poor reaction.

[ErosWired]

5 hours ago, polyglutton said:

Vexingly, I found out that it somehow as a result my brain eroticised how my choice had been taken away. This felt like insult to injury, and I tried to ignore it. Over the years I have come to accept it, and that's actually what brought me this site. I don't condone non-consensual sex in real life, but I no longer feel guilty for getting off on having consent taken away from me  

I had a close friend to whom I disclosed I was raped via hypnosis and he didn't believe me. It really sucks when people don't believe you in this way. 

This is the truly pernicious aspect of all sexual trauma that so many people overlook - the psychological damage done by the act can rebound and become a self-perpetuating dysfunctional thought process by which the victim, through the effort to find a way to cope with the psychological pain of the violation, in essence becomes conditioned to re-rape himself repeatedly in order to prove that the horrible thing that happened wasn’t actually horrible.

And no, most people who haven’t suffered some firm of sexual assault don’t have the mental context to understand these experiences when they’re shared. To them, it’s counterintuitive for a person to say that he likes the idea that he was raped; it makes no sense to them because their brains have never been forced to try to bend in those impossible ways to survive.

 I’m sorry your friend didn’t validate your experience. Be glad for him that he isn’t able to. There are plenty of us here (unfortunately) who believe you, and understand you perfectly. You are not alone.

The fact that this happened in a therapeutic setting is, by the way, unconscionable. I fear that some statute of limitations may have passed, but had it not I would have encouraged you to prosecute the monster who did this to you.

[Guest]

That's a terrible thing what happened to you. Especially after already having PTSD by the therapist you saw for help.

10 hours ago, polyglutton said:

Over the years I have come to accept it, and that's actually what brought me this site. I don't condone non-consensual sex in real life, but I no longer feel guilty for getting off on having consent taken away from me  

This is a website not about rape, but for people interested into bareback sex. I think there are rules in place prohibiting people posting stuff that eroticises harming someone. And rape, like what happened to you certainly qualifies as harm.

With or without this experience you're not the first and you won't be the last person who get's of on role playing about non-consensual sex. I hope you can live this part of you out with sexual partners you can trust.

10 hours ago, polyglutton said:

I had a close friend to whom I disclosed I was raped via hypnosis and he didn't believe me. It really sucks when people don't believe you in this way. 

If a friend believes you aren't tellint the truth, one of you wasn't a friend at all and you might be better off without him in your life. 

I wish you all the best bro. Sometimes wounds heal by giving it time, sometimes people survive relatively unscratched and sometimes people who've had expieriences like you need a bit of help. Hopefully you'll be able to find the path that works for you. 

 

5 hours ago, ErosWired said:

And no, most people who haven’t suffered some firm of sexual assault don’t have the mental context to understand these experiences when they’re shared. To them, it’s counterintuitive for a person to say that he likes the idea that he was raped; it makes no sense to them because their brains have never been forced to try to bend in those impossible ways to survive.

And not even all people who have, might be able to understand. I think it's very brave of @polyglutton that he's so honest to himself about how it has effected him and about who he has become.

5 hours ago, ErosWired said:

The fact that this happened in a therapeutic setting is, by the way, unconscionable. I fear that some statute of limitations may have passed, but had it not I would have encouraged you to prosecute the monster who did this to you.

Besides statute of limitations the other thing people who have been sexually assaulted face is that in most cases there are no witnesses and in a lot of cases there isn't enough evidence for the agressor to be sued or convicted. 
That's why I wish he will find people in his life who will believe and want to hear his story if he wants to share it with them.
 

[polyglutton]

15 hours ago, BareLover666 said:

That's a terrible thing what happened to you. Especially after already having PTSD by the therapist you saw for help.

This is a website not about rape, but for people interested into bareback sex.

I am touched by your comments as well as those of @Eroswired and @hntnhole, thank you. 

I should be more specific, the specific part that my brain eroticised initially  was that I was being barebacked without my consent, not rape as such. It's weird. Perhaps as I once heard said, my brain decided that eroticising it was a way of reclaiming power.  His forcing me to go bareback was a much greater violation, especially because of HIV fears (it was in 2001 and I had only recently lost my virginity). 

It was my first time going bare and I was very careful about condoms up until that point. I had a hard time being consistent with condoms after that.  

I buried and blocked the rape for a few years until I was reading a profile of a top on Gay.com a few years later. He said something like "I only fuck bare, whether you want it or not". I was shocked that this turned me on, but it really did.

I had a lot of risky sex after, but I know that if I had not been raped, I wouldn't have ever gone bare until the age of PrEP. 

Edited December 29, 2021 by polyglutton

[Guest]

3 hours ago, polyglutton said:

I am touched by your comments as well as those of @Eroswired and @hntnhole, thank you. 

I should be more specific, the specific part that my brain eroticised initially  was that I was being barebacked without my consent, not rape as such. It's weird. Perhaps as I once heard said, my brain decided that eroticising it was a way of reclaiming power.  His forcing me to go bareback was a much greater violation, especially because of HIV fears (it was in 2001 and I had only recently lost my virginity). 

It was my first time going bare and I was very careful about condoms up until that point. I had a hard time being consistent with condoms after that.  

I buried and blocked the rape for a few years until I was reading a profile of a top on Gay.com a few years later. He said something like "I only fuck bare, whether you want it or not". I was shocked that this turned me on, but it really did.

I had a lot of risky sex after, but I know that if I had not been raped, I wouldn't have ever gone bare until the age of PrEP. 

Of course there's not need to thank me. I'm happy if anything that anyone says about this helps you in some way.
A good thing about this website is the non-judgemental culture here. Although like in real life people sometimes don't seem to want to hear certain things or have trouble listening.

My comments about the nature of BZ was perhaps more for the general public than for you per sé. I don't feel this website should become of refuge for people crossing boundaries that ought not to be crossed. What happed to you sounds like that, and it sounds like some form of rape to me.
So please, don't apologise out of politeness..

 

Perhaps it would do you good to get legal council about what happened. By telling a professional exactly what happened and as factual as possible, for you at the very least perhaps you can make your story more your own, if you know what I mean. I firmly believe that being honest to yourself, including all the things you might doubt or even blame yourself for as a lot of people in your situation do, is the best way to enhance and strengthen your personal sense of self and freedom.
And this has the added affect you might learn if, aside from burden of proof, how this happened was against the law where you are from.

The law is not the beginning and end of morality but although somethings that are legal can be wrong and some things that are illegal might be perceived as right; the law does set a kind of standard or baseline how to judge what people do. 

 

You're not the only one, not the first and you won't be the last, who fantasies and gets horny about fantasising about non-consensual sex. As far as I know people who don't have your experience also share it. If it's a fantasy or role-play it's harmless. And even bareback before PrEP was available is not unheard of.

It might be something you would want to explore by talking to someone. Obviously I am all for barebacking in my life and although I won't force anyone to use a condom my sexual partners are free to either have bare sex with me or not have sex with me. But I do feel it's important and especially for you that anything you want and enjoy is what you want and your choice. 
Freedom to bareback goes both ways, it implies the freedom to use condoms. (Which by the way is still advised even when using PrEP).

Good luck! 

 

[hntnhole]

On 12/28/2021 at 12:13 PM, ErosWired said:

And no, most people who haven’t suffered some firm of sexual assault don’t have the mental context to understand these experiences when they’re shared. To them, it’s counterintuitive for a person to say that he likes the idea that he was raped; it makes no sense to them because their brains have never been forced to try to bend in those impossible ways to survive.

This is what I was trying to write above, but much better conceived.  While there are men like me (never having suffered a sexual trauma like rape), that are ill-equipped to offer any kind of *real* feedback, simply because we have no basis upon which to offer it.  The fact that there are sexual predators, rapists, Dahmers out there, until one survives a horror like that it's difficult to imagine.  The defensive mechanisms are not within our life's experience.  That's still no real excuse for disbelieving the experiences of others though. My best wishes as you wrestle with the issue.  At least you have sound advice from other men who have experienced these kinds of crimes first-hand. 

You're trying - that's all anyone can ask of anyone else.

[Lucienblack88]

On 12/24/2021 at 4:34 AM, Twinkconfused12 said:

Hi everyone. Let me introduce myself. I'm a 19yo countryside virgin boy and I had a weird encounter and looking for some answers. 

 

I was talking with a random old man over cam and he made me so so horny. Then he started to tell me that I am a virgin piggy designated for Sarah Palin and I should let him in and feel his breath all over me.

 

The weird part comes now, as I actually felt a breath all over my body and a weird sensation on my tight hole. It was getting more and more intensive and I ended up shaking like crazy and cumming hands free. At some point i thought i lost my mind and I have the image of a very red long cock in my mind. It was something crazy to experience. 

 

Does anyone know what this has been? I'm all confused. The old man later left telling me that he has done his part.

The mind is a powerful thing; as one person said, the power of suggestion. You are naive, horny for S-atan, you were susceptible on every level and the mind is powerful. If you have medical conditions or  were inebriated, those can be a factors.  

On the other hand, some devout gay S-atan worshipers are very powerful, and dark forces of the dark Lord is with them and can do amazing things.
 

It sounds, like it could very well be a demonic experience. The dark energy of S-atan and lust demons flow through the cock and orgasms.