The Mind Traps (How to take the plunge)

[TMRCumDump38]

I have no doubt that being bred and taking loads makes me happy. But I psyche myself out of most encounters. My BF and I are open but rarely have sex. When we do, I’m a pig in heat. But his low sex drive means it doesn’t happen often.  I also don’t think he really knows how high my sex drive is. How much my mind thinks about cocks and sperm. 

Our work allows us to be apart quite a bit. When we are, I’m constantly gooning out, stretching my hole with toys, fantasizing about the real thing. I have permission to play, why am I not? I’m absolutely unsatisfied and not getting what I need. 

Why am I lying in bed  imaginging tadpoles of sperm and pulsating cocks buried deep in holes and not acting out on that desire. 

I want those loads. I want to be used. I want to service cock. How do I get out of my midntrap that keeps holding me back? Why do I hesitate the encounters offered on apps. Hell, I’ve gone to bathhouses and spent most of my time in my room despite the many playmates that showed interest and that I would have been very happy to blast their load in me.  I would be so much happier having fulfilled my desire. 

Is it a worry about self-confidence and rejection? STI’s? Should those worries be bigger than my actual wants and needs? When it comes to self confidence I know I shouldn’t be worried. I look fine. And I absolutely feel like it is an acceptable trade off that I may catch something entirely curable while having a lot of fun. 

So what pushes me over the edge? The clock is ticking and I’m not getting younger. I’m sure once I start, I’ll have no problem after - it’s the pushing over the edge that’s tough. 

What helped you become the honest and happy breedling that you are today ?

[BlackDude]

If being with your BF isn’t allowing you to be fulfilled, why do you have a BF? No judging, because I don’t think sec is everything, just asking. Because it’s obviously bothering you. 

[BootmanLA]

On 1/27/2022 at 5:50 PM, TMRCumDump38 said:

Why am I lying in bed  imaginging tadpoles of sperm and pulsating cocks buried deep in holes and not acting out on that desire. 

....

How do I get out of my midntrap that keeps holding me back?

Why do I hesitate the encounters offered on apps.

....

Is it a worry about self-confidence and rejection? STI’s?

Should those worries be bigger than my actual wants and needs?

....

So what pushes me over the edge?

..... 

What helped you become the honest and happy breedling that you are today ?

You ask several distinct questions up above (I've pulled them out from the commentary, to highlight them). But they boil down to the following:

1. Why do I want more sex but find myself unable or unwilling to pursue it?

2. What do I need to do to change this?

The first question, honestly, sounds like you could benefit from some therapy. Not that you're broken or anything; it just sounds like you are questioning yourself, which suggests you don't understand yourself completely, and therapy is a good way of accomplishing that - learning about yourself. A good therapist can help you figure out why you're blocking yourself from what you want (or think you want, at least; it may be that with deeper analysis, you find you don't really want the sex, but you're assuming you do because you think it will fulfill some other need. Just a thought).

The second question gets answered after the first one is solved, and it may solve itself once you know why you're doing this to yourself. 

As for the final question: that's the rub: what worked for other people may or may not work for you, and finding out what YOU are about is a faster way to solving the problem than just randomly trying things that other people have found worked. Not least because (at least on this site, and online in general) you have no idea how valid or truthful any responses you get are. 

[rmoss]

This is interesting, I'm in a similar situation with my husband. We both have sex frequently with each other, but are technically open and we've both done things solo with other people and really enjoyed it. For some reason though, when it comes to setting stuff up, we're both really hesitant to follow through with it without the other person.  The best thing so far has been going to bathhouses together when we travel and we both go off and do our own thing for awhile.