I like men and I cant help it.

[newbie2011]

Hi everyone, new to the site here, just thought i would write a first post. i'm glad i found a forum for gay men, It's hard to find really supportive stuff on the Internet sometimes. Anyway, just wondering if anyone out there is like me in the sense that youre struggling with being gay but know it aint gonna change. I like cock, it turns me on and I cant change that. Im still closeted because people dont get that. They think its all something that can be changed, if only they knew. I still hear people at work use the word faggot so nonchalantly, and of course there's the religious ones in tne family. I fantasize about men all the time, and am finally to the point where i feel thats okay. If only others did too. Anyone else out there still trying to figure out being gay? would love to chat. Thanks.

[PhoenixGeoff]

Hey man.

Welcome to your first step into a completely different world

You won't find any guys here who will disagree with you at all. But you probably oughta know that you've managed to find one of the more hardcore sites out there. We're not the white-picket-fence, suburban, committed nice gay guys next door raising kids adopted from Romania. (Or if we are, we're living a bit of a lie)

We're the guys your church, school and family were warning you about. The proudly sick, twisted, depraved and perverted sex maniacs that give AIDS activists, marriage campaigners and "good gays" everywhere heartburn.

Now if your ideal relationship is a Craigslist hookup with a couple strangers leading to hours of balls-to-the-wall, flagrantly, gloriously unsafe bareback (no condoms) fucking leading to a heap of exhausted, sweaty pigs with empty nuts and assholes full of cum, then you'll fit right in.

If not, if you're just starting to figure out how good sex with a guy can be, if you're still too worried and scared of HIV and other STDs to fully give in to your impulses, that's fine. We'll be here waiting for you when you get there.

[kh2348]

damn. your post made me hard MascMountainMan

[hungry_hole]

Strangely, what ends up confusing everything is the notion of "Sexual Orientation", and the belief that people are actually gay, straight and in-between. This was exactly what Kinsey warned against:

"For nearly a century the term homosexual in

connection with human behavior has been applied

to sexual relationships, either overt or psychic,

between individuals of the same sex... It would

encourage clearer thinking on these matters if

persons were not characterized as heterosexual or

homosexual, but as individuals who have had certain

amounts of heterosexual experience and certain

amounts of homosexual experience. Instead of using

these terms as substantives which stand for persons,

or even as adjectives to describe persons, they may

better be used to describe the nature of overt sexual

relations, or of the stimuli to which an individual

erotically responds."

(Kinsey, et al., 1948, p.656)

_Sexual Behavior in the Human Male_

"Feeling gay" is actually a normal excitement for bodies that are "like ours". It seems odd to me that Sexual Orientation treats the interest and excitement for men and women equally and it ignores the fact that men may be interested in cocks because men have cocks, and they may, for instance, want to compare. Men and women differ in the way they treat a cock because an "impersonal" or "anon" cock can in fantasy be a man's cock, especially because men can't usually suck their own cocks comfortably.

When it comes to sexual behaviour treating men and women equally is another mistake. Because of the erection the interest and excitement that men experience for other bodies "shows" so boys learn to control and censor when to let go. Like not in the shower with other boys, whcih is not the same with women.

Now, this is why for centuries men have been finding ways of validating same-sex sexual activities. The Sambia People had the belief that in order for boys to grow their own semen they had to swallow it from the older men. Google "Sambia people homosexuality" . Gilbert Herdt has done a lot of work in this field.

What I'm trying to say is that feeling turned on by other bodies of the same sex is normal and that should not mean "being gay."

I strongly believe all men should have sex with other men and only then men can be ready to deal with women. I also advocate anonymous/impersonal sex because I think is the best kind of sex a man can have. My only concer are STDs.

[Bronson]

Newbie, welcome. I find the guys on this site are very engaging with new ideas and supportive of guys just exploring this side.

[barecub2601]

I'm in a similar position, where I know I like cock, but I'm still closeted to family and some friends. My problem is that there are so many negative stereotypes out there that all gay men are often tarred with the same brush. A friend of mine actually goes out of his way to fit the stereotype of the effeminate gay man to the extent that he is unhealthily thin, is a total bitch, wears women's jeans, wears make up, is so neurotic that even Blanche DuBois would be shocked, and thinks that everyone hates him because he's gay, as if to be gay means that you have to be a victim as if it comes with the territory. He holds that up as the pinnacle and paragon of homosexuality, and thinks that all gay men should be exactly like him or they aren't 'proper gays'. He is, to an extent, a homophobic homosexual.

Growing up with some of these quite negative and derogatory stereotypes sometimes really doesn't help the coming out process, as there's the worry that everyone will think that you fit the stereotypes and will unfairly judge you based on them. I admire those celebrities such as Duncan James, Russell Tovey, and even Joe McElderry, (all British celebrities, for those who have no idea who I'm talking about =P) who are bi or gay, but do not live their lives around their sexuality. In an interview Russell Tovey said that there were no gay role models who were just blokes, men who happened to be gay and did not fit the stereotype, and he wanted to be the role model he never had.

I don't like labels exactly because of the stereotypes associated with them. I am my own person, and I am a man who just happens to like men, just like the next man to walk down the street could be a man who happens to like women. I'm still me, and I'll do something because I want to do it, not because my sexuality means that I must or must not do it. I'm a student, and I don't like being stereotyped in that respect either, or because I'm a man, or because I'm from a certain area of the country. Whatever it is, I don't like being stereotyped, regardless of whether I fit the stereotype or not.

Sorry to hijack the thread with my own views, but from what you're saying newbie2011 it sounds like you're worried about what others will think, and I totally hear you there. When I do eventually decide to come out, I'm going to remind everyone that I'm still the same me, and the only thing that is different is the fact that they now know my sexual preference. I don't plan to fit any stereotypes, and I'd love to see the stigma surrounding being gay completely gone so we don't have to feel oppressed by society's sometimes distorted image of homosexuality. I'm all for live and let live, but for me personally I feel that it is the negative stereotypes that continue to be perpetuated that make coming out harder. Obviously, some people do live their lives around these stereotypes, and some people fit them naturally, and good luck to them, I'm certainly not trying to say that they are wrong, I just think that when everyone is tarred with the same brush, it can be difficult for there to be any sort of individuality. I like men, but does that mean I also must be incredibly camp? Of course not. Some people are, just like some straight people are very camp too, but I think it's far more important to focus on the individual, rather than what their sexuality, race, background, etc stereotypes them as.

I don't know if you feel the same newbie, but it would be nice to chat to someone in a similar position =)