Top/Bottom vs. Dom/Sub

[PhoenixGeoff]

Hey guys,

I've noticed that a lot of bottoms around here seem to equate being a bottom with being submissive.

It find it kind of strange because, while I've run into plenty of submissive guys, I've never associated your sexual position with whether you're dominant or submissive (or masculine or feminine for that matter).

So am I just the weirdo who enjoys men who are masculine and not submissive regardless of who fucks who? Am I the only one who kinda likes a couple of equals fucking each other, even if one is all top or the other's all bottom?

And am I the only one who draws a distinction between "top" and "dominant" or "bottom" and "submissive?" Or is it all the same thing to most guys here?

[PhoenixGeoff]

I'll say one thing that kinda brought this on for me was this guy I ran into at a bath a week or so ago. Very hot latino guy who used to be a marine. Shorter guy, tattooed, very hot guy. Really wanted to get fucked and bred hard.

But here's the funny part: he kept ordering guys to dominate him and order him around...he was like the most obnoxious pushy-sub-bottom guy I've ever seen (typical marine actually ). But the combination was a total turn-off, albeit a very funny one. I had a hard time not laughing and hurting his feelings whenever I saw him.

I guess my point is that when I'm in top mode, I'm kinda turned off by guys who insist I take total control and want to put the onus on me for creating the right sexual environment where they're the slutty bottom being whored out. I can understand the attraction of being that bottom guy, but it's like they push way too hard to make things happen their way...they want someone else to adopt their fantasy and make them do it.

As someone who actually enjoys it when both I and my partner are having fun, I really find it kinda selfish. I also don't really want to take total responsibility for ensuring that both I and some guy I've just met are enjoying ourselves.

Anyone else feel that way?

[slowfuck]

Hey guys,

I've noticed that a lot of bottoms around here seem to equate being a bottom with being submissive.

And am I the only one who draws a distinction between "top" and "dominant" or "bottom" and "submissive?" Or is it all the same thing to most guys here?

I think bearing in mind this is breeding zone, then I expect it to be the forum where the bottoms are submissive looking for dominant tops to take them and breed their holes. However what you notice seems to cover a broad range of behaviours and depends on the degree to which the submissive wishes to give up control to someone else - a feeling that can be liberating in some ways and frightening in others and the combination seems to be an addictive one.

I would think bottom is going to be the naturally submissive - in being penetrated - but the degree of self-denial seems the difference. Some wishing to relinquish all control and consideration and simply being used as a hole for anyone's pleasure; whereas others are more equal in taking pleasure at the same time as the top, and the whole range in between. Some, indeed, could be viewed as dom bottoms using the tops for their pleasure. I guess it is all a matter of opinion in this broad spectrum of sexual experience.

As to your desires, they are not weird, they are as hot and valid as anyone else's. I love the flip-flop fucking of two true hot versatile guys enjoy the pleasures of the flesh and not holding back, but there are times the idea of bending a smooth bottom boy over and sliding into his hole appeals too!

[slowfuck]

But here's the funny part: he kept ordering guys to dominate him and order him around...he was like the most obnoxious pushy-sub-bottom guy I've ever seen (typical marine actually ). But the combination was a total turn-off, albeit a very funny one. I had a hard time not laughing and hurting his feelings whenever I saw him.

I guess my point is that when I'm in top mode, I'm kinda turned off by guys who insist I take total control and want to put the onus on me for creating the right sexual environment where they're the slutty bottom being whored out. I can understand the attraction of being that bottom guy, but it's like they push way too hard to make things happen their way...they want someone else to adopt their fantasy and make them do it.

As someone who actually enjoys it when both I and my partner are having fun, I really find it kinda selfish. I also don't really want to take total responsibility for ensuring that both I and some guy I've just met are enjoying ourselves.

That marine would confuse the hell out of me too! I'd avoid him and the dominant bottoms personally - but I am sure there are guys who love it too. It's all good but each to their own taste. I think we all need to be a bit selfish or the sex won't work, but there are limits and I think we just need to respect our own limits and those of the others we meet, and negotiate early on to try to avoid getting into things we don't feel comfortable with and make the best of the guy who is just the hottie you crave!

[nude_tomBS]

Hey guys,

So am I just the weirdo who enjoys men who are masculine and not submissive regardless of who fucks who?

No, you are not. I think the same way. I like masculine people - that makes me gay. And I truely enjoy both sides of fucking as long as both (or all three, four, ... ;-)) have fun.

What I hate the most are those guys who take my statement "versatile" as a choice to see me only as a top. Ok, my cock may have a bit more than average size but does that qualify to be forced in the top-only-role?

[Guest slobbvers]

Yeah that is bizaare. I agree that it should be set up at the start who is what. That both should have mutual pleasure. Ideally I wish all my hook up were flip fuck sessions. Not too many guys are into it in my area.

[PhoenixGeoff]

I call myself versatile and I have gotten into flip-fucking before, especially in group scenes, but I'll admit that in one-on-ones, I seem to go for either bottom or top. In a spontaneous hook-up like in a bath or a bar, that'll be determined by the guy I'm with. But I do definitely have phases I go through (been in a top mood lately) so if I'm on the prowl, especially online, I'll tend to go for a guy who'll give me what I'm looking for.

With respect to slowfuck's assertion that bottoms tend to be more naturally submissive because they're getting penetrated, I wonder if guys here think that's the case with straight women? Should they be naturally submissive too? In many cultures, they are (or are expected to be), but is this a natural state of affairs?

I wonder about this because I personally tend to approach sex as a top or bottom pretty much the same way (barring the influence of any drugs). I like to fuck around as much as I can, and when I find a hot man, my goal is to have sex with him, regardless of who blows in whose ass. Which is I guess why I'm versatile...I'm more oriented toward the man I'm with rather than the sex act we're doing.

[ChesterCub]

I'm almost entirely bottom, we're talking 80-90% here, so whenever I'm arranging a hook-up or getting down to it with a guy it's my intention to be taking his dick. But if they show me a sign of weakness/submission, or we're doing foreplay and my rimming is getting a good reaction (and if they say they've never taken dick before) then I'll play with his hole to see how he reacts, then make him take my dick instead.

[iachaser]

And am I the only one who draws a distinction between "top" and "dominant" or "bottom" and "submissive?" Or is it all the same thing to most guys here?

--- I believe there's definitely a distinction! I've seen a few submissive tops, and PLENTY of dom bttms. I would consider myself a submissive vers, I guess. I've always been naturally submissive. I tent to walk behind and to the right of people, ask permission for simple stuff (like using the restroom or getting a drink of water). Incidentally, I'm an excellent employee, as I enjoy taking orders!