Mention status to a regular who never asks?

[Deaner]

Does anybody else know this drill? You're well on your way setting up a playdate with a raw top... everything is sounding perfect, he definitely wants to breed you... and at the very last minute somebody mentions HIV status, and he calls the whole thing off when you tell him you're poz. It's happened to me dozens of times.

But now I've found a raw top who is becoming something of a regular. Our sessions are definitely ALL about him spreading his seed in my hole. The question of HIV status has never come up in conversation (and I hope it stays that way).

He's never shown any interest in getting me off and has specifically stated that he isn't interested in flipping or reciprocating. But part of me is dreading the possibility that one day he may ask, or on the narrowest of chances, want to do something that involves me cumming (at which point I'd be obligated to tell him I'm poz). Of course, there is the probability that he is also poz, in which case it's a total non-issue. But I'm bracing for the possibility that he's neg and will suddenly retroactively freak out.

What do other people think? If the question is never asked, is it implied that both sides are cool with it? (I know the LAW wouldn't see it that way, unfortunately) Should I 'casually' bring it up now and hope for the best? Or just assume that it will remain an unspoken issue in the future, and leave it out of conversation. This probably isn't headed toward any sort of relationship between us, but I think I can expect to have regular sex with this guy a couple times a month.

[nude_tomBS]

I would not start mentoning it. I am in a bit similar situation with a guy I play with once in a while for some 18 years. He was 16 when we fist met, I was the first to fuck his ass. And he still likes my cock to fill him ans sometimes fucks me. We always fuck raw. I don't know his status nor do I know mine.

He doesn't know about my activities between our encounters nor do I know about his. We are both fine with that, just meet once in a while, fuck and leave, so why change it?

[PhoenixGeoff]

Tough question. This sort of situation is exactly why I try to be proactive about bringing up my status before we get together. It sometimes sucks, but in my opinion, one thing having HIV absolutely does is impose a responsibility on us to disclose our status in advance to potential sex partners. One thing we lose is the privilege of not talking about it. If I'm neg and don't care about my health, that's one thing. If I'm poz and don't care about someone else's, that's quite another.

Looking at how it might affect the relationship, let me ask this: Are you the only guy he's fucking? Or does he fuck around and breed other guys too? Does he identify as gay, bi or straight?

If he's gay and fucks around with other guys, my guess is your status is a total non-issue. He almost certainly knows the risks. Especially if he's aware that you're getting fucked bareback by other guys. He may not care. Or he may get a thrill from the uncertainty and the potential danger (either to you or to him, depending on his status). Or he may just be in denial. Coming right out and telling him might fuck up the relationship you two have right now, as it would remove any uncertainty (you might go from being a potential danger to a known risk, for instance). But most likely he doesn't care about his own status or is poz himself and doesn't care about you.

If he's bi or "straight," and especially if he doesn't know about your sexuality, the risks to what you have right now are almost certainly greater. There's even the potential that he may react violently to you having put him at risk.

Now, having said all of that, you have to be able to live with yourself. And I know that, if I were in the same situation, I'd have to disclose my status, even if it meant potentially losing a good fuckbud.

In this situation, if you're concerned about his reaction, a white lie may be the way to do it. Tell him you recently were tested and came back poz. That way you don't have to worry about questions of why you didn't tell him before. (It it turns out that he was poz all along and is concerned that he gave it to you, you can just say that you hadn't been tested for years, probably happened some time ago, etc., etc.).

Otherwise, I'd just take the direct approach and come right out and ask him his status and tell him yours.

[JoshLandaleXXX]

I've got lots of regular fuck buddies with whom the issue of status has never been asked. Over the course of our relationships it's become well known that we're all bareback sluts, we all fuck bareback with everyone else we fuck, and as such, it's safe to assume either they're already poz, or dont care about becoming poz... especially as we're known to frequent the same sex clubs in london etc.

[HolePunchSD]

One of my exes and I started out as fuckbuddies and the sex was great, but at the time he INSISTED that I wore a condom--so much so, that the only way he would let me put it in was if he actually put the rubber on me. One night, after I'd finished wearing his ass out, we were talking and I finally asked him why he was so strict about me wrapping up. That's when he told me that he was poz. "I am too!" I told him. He was so relieved! So much so that he laid on his back, threw his legs up and I fucked the hell outta him--raw!

At this point, man--if I were you, I would assume that your regular buddy is poz and that he's aware of your status. He signed the waiver the second & third time he blew his seed up your ass!

[Guest GoodExercise]

Don't ask, don't tell.

[TxBBTop]

i agree with goodexcercise. If he isnt being pro-active and asking your status, that most likely means he doesnt care, which means it doesnt matter whether your poz or neg.

[not_sure_bb]

just cause they dont ask, doesnt mean you shouldn't tell. you still need to do the right thing or be the better person IMO.

[NiceHard1]

i post my status on the sites that I am on, and so if meeting people there, I presume they have read it. I have occasionally gotten the indication that someone has not, and have pointed him to that fact, after which he usually freaks out about it.

At a bareback party, its a given all are either poz or aware

A bathhouse is iffy and depends on the situation. When guys are clearlyl ass up and ready to take all, I figure they know what they want. If I'm meeting and chatting with someone at a bathhouse or elsewhere, making more of a 'date' - I will disclose