Need to share some thoughts for a guy that we're coming closer

[Gingerguy]

It's a bit long, hope you don't die from boredom 🙂

He's 34yo m, I'm 31yo. We're both doctors, we met during a training we had. Our contact then was about 2 months long. At some point he was going to give a lecture to us and I was sent to ask him when we would start so that's when we talked for the first time. I had a small crush on him from the moment I saw him the first day. We got along from our first little chat.

Just when the lecture was about to start, I could see clearly that he was ehm. I'm not sure which word to use. Something between "okay guys you're more than I can take in a single classroom and I'm a bit scare of people" and "okay I'm nervous, I can't even connect the projector with the laptop". So I helped him connect etc etc and he started. Most of us (if not all of us) could not follow; topic was too specific. But he would stare at me half of the time. He would even ask questions but he got few answers.

When the lecture ended he thanked me and gave me his card and asked me to mail him if I have any questions. Truth is, I didn't have any questions because everything felt Chinese to me. But I did mail him. We exchanged many emails. And I mean, many many emails. From a point on, we started talking about more general topics. The following day I was resilient to mail him anew. But he mailed me. That was something that really made me happy. Plus, I think mailing gives an extra touch of romanticism.

We would be getting out for a beer. Funnily enough, we don't like beer. So we went for a dessert. We kept on mailing but at some point we moved to Viber. He's IG is mostly for business and none of us is a fun of IG.

He invited me to his house for dinner yesterday. It was lovely, we had fun we watched a movie together. And here is where my confusion starts. I don't know where all this is heading to. Is he gay? Or to put it more clear now that there are many orientations out there, is he interested in men? Does he just need a friend? I can't just ask him, I believe it will be too uncomfortable for him. Should I take the wait n see approach? I'm afraid that he will have a panic attack If I get "closer". He blushes too much. Yesterday I told him that his shirt matches with his eyes and he went pepper red in a second and smiled.

I can't understand how a person who is a doctor and has babies delivered, he performs surgeries could be so shy. In medicine you meet dozens of people (colleagues, nurses, patients, relatives of patients).. he is a good doctor from what I've seen and heard. Him being shy does not make him being not fucntional. But in his personal life, in my eyes at least, he seems fragile and shy. Which of course drives me crazy, it makes me want to protect him. I'm definitely fallin for him. How should I approach all these?

[BootmanLA]

10 hours ago, Gingerguy said:

I can't understand how a person who is a doctor and has babies delivered, he performs surgeries could be so shy. In medicine you meet dozens of people (colleagues, nurses, patients, relatives of patients).. he is a good doctor from what I've seen and heard. Him being shy does not make him being not fucntional. But in his personal life, in my eyes at least, he seems fragile and shy. Which of course drives me crazy, it makes me want to protect him. I'm definitely fallin for him. How should I approach all these?

Maybe he's not so much shy, specifically, as closeted and inexperienced.

Maybe he's not gay at all.

Here's what I would do: next time he suggests getting together, just ask, "It's fine either way, of course, but should I consider this a date?" If he backtracks and says "oh my god no, I just thought we'd hang together, blah blah blah" assure him that's fine, and you're happy to have him as a friend. He may still pull back, but you'll have your answer. And you need that answer since you're apparently torturing yourself over this.

If he says yes, take a cue from him and go slow. After a couple of dates, you can be a little blunter - ask him if he's new to this, promise to go as slow or as fast as he wants, and just keep giving you feedback.

[viking8x6]

On 11/12/2023 at 9:31 AM, Gingerguy said:

Yesterday I told him that his shirt matches with his eyes and he went pepper red in a second and smiled.

I can't understand how a person who is a doctor and has babies delivered, he performs surgeries could be so shy.

From everything you say about his behavior, he's clearly interested in you. Whether in a sexual way or not, you'll find out in time. But he's asked you on a dinner date, and you accepted, and you had fun, so there's some kind of connection there.

As to how he can be so shy - trust me, I have firsthand experience: The most amazingly "eligible" people can be very shy when (in their perception) the stakes are high. In my 30s, I had brains, education, good job, good looks, athletic, interesting hobbies... the whole package. I would still get tongue-tied when trying to approach a guy I was truly interested in. In public life, I wasn't shy at all - I was friendly and helpful to colleagues (even some I didn't like), gave talks at conferences, all kinds of things.

So I'd say, stick with it and see where it goes - sounds like you may have caught a prize!

[GyroLover]

My best friend is a dr and an absolute expert specialist in his field.  But, he can’t talk to anyone outside of medicine with out it being awkward except to me.   So he might just be too smart.  
 

Why not just tell him you are into him and enjoy the friendship and would be open to more if he likes.   I wish I had not waited to explore this stuff when I was struggling finding my sexual self. I’m not as good looking as I once was and finding a young man that likes or wants a daddy type is challenging.  I finally found one and am having a great time.   Don’t waste the time!