When there's no time for goodbye

[Sharp-edge]

My english teacher (Greece here) happened quite unexpectedly to be a Scottish guy. We had great chemistry together. I was having private lessons with him for 5-6 years.

(In Greece everybody takes english lessons, typically outside of school either in the form of a class or of private lessons and usually we reach the B2 or C2 level)

Everything was great. He was very passionate about teaching. The only downside for my parents was that I had a Scottish accent. I was seriously in love with him. He had a cute blond to almost white beard (he was somewhere around 30), his eyebrows where almost white and his hair where brown-blond something. All that were too exotic for a virgin study like I was. I never dared do anything because I'd be sure he would be either straight (my guess is that he was) or he wouldn't be interested (I always had a thing for older guys and I thought that all of the students were too boring).

Through all these years we had many nice moments. He was complaining to me that all his other students were discussing with him their issues but I was the guy who did not say a word ever. We were exchanging gifts for Christmas etc. He would always get me a book and a chocolate bar that he would bring from his journeys back to Scotland. He paid me a visit after I received my english certificate and then it took some years to see him again. It was on the street where he was shocked to see that I had a beard. He told me oh look at you you've become a man and tried to lift me while hugging me. That was a joke. Even as a kid I had nearly his height.

Some years later my father told me he saw him in the street and they discussed for quite some time. He had been treated for a brain tumor. My father said that the Scottish did not tell him all these for him but to reach my ears. I tried to contact him but he had no social and I did not have his number. I was feeling sad. All this time (and before that incident) I had him on my mind. I always loved him but never approached him. Some time ago (not long) I learned that he died (he must have been in his ealry 40s). I felt so heartbroken. I also feel guilty for not contacting him at all all these years. Even after our lessons when I had his number etc. It's just that I'm the guy who has difficulties with all these but it doesn't mean I don't care for others. I'm just sad.

[PozTalkAuthor]

just a hug. I know this kind of feeling, yes. When you lose someone who meant a lot for you, your mind is full of regrets. I should have done, have said...