How honest are you with your doctor?

[BB4fking]

I had the same gay man doctor for 30 years before he retired. I first met him at a gay support group when I was coming out. I was always fully candid with him which was essential for various STIs and getting on PrEP. Occasionally I spoke to him about my partner’s behaviour. When he retired he arranged for a young gay doctor, who had occasionally acted as locum for him, to take over the practice. So he’s been my doctor for several years now including getting on DoxyPEP.
I feel fortunate both having a gay doctor and someone I know and trust. I don’t think I’d have had a problem with other local doctors or a woman doctor but it’s particularly good to have someone who knows exactly where I’m coming from. Also because the practice many other gay patients and both doctors have been active in HIV support work he’s right up to date on new protocols relevant to gay treatments etc.

It has been interesting to hear of others’ experiences, internationally, reminds me that I feel fortunate living in an urban environment in a gay friendly country and where I can choose my own doctor. I recall living for 2 years in the UK and telling my assigned doctor I was homosexual in order to be eligible to get a hepatitis vaccination. Later I was referred to a specialist at a local hospital regarding a simple skin condition (turned out to be psoriasis). The first thing the specialist said to me, no small talk, was “oh, your doctor tells me you’re homosexual “. It didn’t really endear me to either English doctor.

 

[willslc]

I have had both my ID and PCP doctors that were gay,  I have a new ID doctor had no figure out if he is gay or not. I tell them everything including getting fisted. My pharmacist is a lesbian, and real cool, she and the other there know my history with STI's and Monkey Pox. Earlier the year when I told them I was go to San Francisco again for pride, It was funny when they said OH NO, we all had a good laugh, She said the samething when I her told I have Monkey Pox. LOL

[transferal]

While not always possible, my opinion has always been where it is, if you can't tell your doctor everything relevant then you need a new doctor.

I see a generalist family doc for my PCP. She's nice and while she underestimates how slutty I am and is definitely learning along with me, she ultimately just wants me to be healthy. She hasn't really been tempted to lecture at all. She's married with kids, she gives off big mom vibes and some bi lady vibes, but she's sweet and chill. I don't do blunt details but I give her what she needs to know. I also see her for a lot of more pressing reasons, like she's comfortable handling all my stuff around my ADHD and autism and rather than talks down to me knows I am bright and is comfortable with the fact that makes me need more sex. She also knows the very short version why I bareback, one of which I think vibes a bit with her feminist sensibilities. She's been cool.

The doctor before her was queer and went out of her was to attract queer clients but she was a judgey as fuck autistic condom/glove queen. She once started to ask me if I ate ass and then stopped herself saying, "... but I know you are smarter than that. I have so many dumb, uneducated clients, I just normally need to ask." In my head I was like, "Well, now I know better than to tell you."

My favorite doctor was an HIV specialist I got referred to by accident (because gay with an really rare immune disease and opportunistic infections leads the EMS docs to doubt their own). He was like, well, I normally only take HIV+ patients because it can be hard for them to get into a doctor with your insurance... but it seems I am keeping you as my patient if you want as I am the only doctor probably for like a hundred miles who has seen, let alone has any experience treating your immune disease. And you're gay it makes sense and... well, you aren't exactly immune deficient, but you can get all the same things as my gay patients while your immune system is doing nothing but attack you. And your trans and I can handle your hormones too, no issues, do them all the time for both trans and cis patients. Anyway, I am really looking forward to working with you... What do you say? He was like having an encyclopedia for a doctor. Anything he had ever seen before, he could pull right back up meaning he often had the right diagnosis out the gate. Dude seemed to be semi-psychic so telling him was never an issue. He was unfortunately too much of a pig himself for the job... unfortunately probably some of the things that made him good, judgemental, and genuinely interested in his patients also were fatal flaws for him. He lost his license for consensually sucking his patients' dicks until one changed his mind.

But yeah, you should be able to tell your doctor's anything.

Btw, for those of you into bugchasing or declining HIV meds to the point of getting AIDS with a co-existing mental health issue in a particular city, I am the dual provider you likely would've ended up refered to for about a decade. Some of us look like total goody goody normies but only on the outside. 😏😆 My employer knew through several doxxxing attempts and decided to keep me. But a lot of folks are cool and those who aren't are often just worried about you behind the scenes because they think you're cool but don't get it. But it's important to find someone who does get it because pretty much all the empirical data we have says that is what is best for health outcomes. That and having a regular PCP who knows your shit and keeps it all together as kind of a consistent central hub.

------------[not breaking this up into another message because I am still on restriction 😂...]---

On 6/5/2025 at 11:23 AM, viking8x6 said:

I do not go to a specifically gay-oriented organization. When I have to find a new provider and/or organization, I try to find ones that are non-judgmental about gay issues, though I don't make a big deal of it. I've generally found people to be more sympathetic than not, including (maybe surprisingly?) in conservative West Virginia. 

This doesn't surprise me at all. I know many queers and bisexuals in medicine in Appalachia for the outdoors, small communities, and the understated tradition of anarchism and libertarianism. 95% of them look like such normies and then come visit me on either coast and I am like, "Oh you didn't bring your partner..." and then notice them in suspension bondage. 😂

[phillygwm]

I love my doc.  She's not gay and it isn't a gay practice but they're very good.  Previously, I had a doc that liked to lecture (not about sex but weight etc.)  It got to the point where I'd reschedule appointments if I'd gained a couple pounds.  When she left the practice, even though she was otherwise very good, I didn't follow her.

There are more gay practices in the city but going there is a bit of a hassle.  If I thought the care would be substantially better I would, but I'm happy as things are.

[jackjones]

I think it best to tell you doctors everything about your situation that has brought you them. You will be very able to tell,if they're understanding of their "OATH", not personal feelings. It's very important if you're truly interested in treatment for whatever is the reason for you visiting them. I "don't give a damn about how you feel about my lifestyle". Any advice they have to offer should be professionally based,ONLY! 

Seek another practitioner if you feel any discomfort with them.

[phillygwm]

Rereading the thread, it reminded me of a situation about 15 years ago.  I'd been dx'd with prostate cancer and, being in my 40s, I was looking into alternatives to a radical.  I visited one radiation oncologist for a consult.  Super friendly, we seemed to hit it off, talking about baseball etc.  Then he asks me about banking sperm, my wife, etc.  I told him I was gay and it took him aback.  He wasn't hostile by any means but he was...different.  I ruled him out before I got back to my car.  Unless you're talking about a world class surgeon and a complex issue, there's no reason to feel uncomfortable around your doc.  If you do, you need a different doc or at least a candid conversation.

[Tiboer]

The big cities, at least, seem to have many gay friendly practices.  Apparently, there are now fellowships in LGBT medicine and these docs are setting up for practices.

 

How times have evolved!