Scorpion Pizza

[Lostboy90]

So.... excellent story. I rarely do it, but it deserves a comment.

First of all, the things that work. It is well written. Some typos here and there, but it is generally flowing and an appreciable lexicon. I particularly enjoyed the firat half, and I noticed a couple of attempts at adjusting tone and words to reflect the characters speaking. I also definitely liked the setting and the fact that you had a reasonable idea of the conclusion since the beginning and you did not stray away.

Honestly, I think you have potential in improving characterization. I felt most of them to be rather flat. Everybody (butthe obvious villain) is helpful and cheerful and honest and successful and happy. I definitely enjoy reading about positive charachters, but probably getting them to have some flaws would make them more unique and human, and add tension to the plot. I probably would have added some more doubts, fears, errors and regrets, especially on Jacob's side. Also, i missed a little bit on a conclusion to Jac's relationship with his family

Anyway, impressive work. I enjoyed it thoroughfully, especially the first half

 

[Deepnrawnyc3]

***** 5 Star Rating!!! Great story, Excellent Characterization , Terrific ending.  I think you deserve the 2025  Best Writing Award on  BZ!!!!!!!!!

Personally I'm hoping for a sequel - -Scorpion Pizza 2

 

[Irvinecub]

One of my favorite stories on this site! Excellent writing and immersive storytelling. Thanks for all the loads I shot reading this!

[Kinkyfun]

Amazing story 😈

[erosoterico]

I just joined the site formally, having read along for a long time, to congratulate Uncut300 on one of the best ever contributions to the literature that has egged me on for a long time. I think I know what I want and need. This is epic, beautiful, and human. People who don't experience the chasing drive will find it repellant, but we who do... shot a load when Jac completed this phase.

[CRKLTHRWLF]

Thanks for that great story.

I saw it was 12 pages long, and usually, I skip those as I don't have the courage and "ability" to read stories that long (thanks ADHD) - but I might stop skipping them now as this was awesome. Took me days to read through everything but it was worth it.

I agree some things are missing, but that is perfect as it allows sequels, side stories, ... are we seeing the beginning of the Scorpion Pizza Universe? 🤣

But damn, 🥵🥵🥵

Subscribing to Uncut to make sure to find out...

[Uncut300]

On 11/7/2025 at 7:24 AM, Lostboy90 said:

So.... excellent story. I rarely do it, but it deserves a comment.

First of all, the things that work. It is well written. Some typos here and there, but it is generally flowing and an appreciable lexicon. I particularly enjoyed the firat half, and I noticed a couple of attempts at adjusting tone and words to reflect the characters speaking. I also definitely liked the setting and the fact that you had a reasonable idea of the conclusion since the beginning and you did not stray away.

Honestly, I think you have potential in improving characterization. I felt most of them to be rather flat. Everybody (butthe obvious villain) is helpful and cheerful and honest and successful and happy. I definitely enjoy reading about positive charachters, but probably getting them to have some flaws would make them more unique and human, and add tension to the plot. I probably would have added some more doubts, fears, errors and regrets, especially on Jacob's side. Also, i missed a little bit on a conclusion to Jac's relationship with his family

Anyway, impressive work. I enjoyed it thoroughfully, especially the first half

 

Thank you for the feedback and suggestions 

[headnurse20]

@Uncut300 This was a phenomenal story and read! I loved the character development and their interconnection! LOVED the Shop Mom too! VERY WELL written! Thank you!