CNC - how the fuck does this actually work?

[PozToxVersPig]

I've been writing about a BDSM experience I had quite a while ago and spent some time research BDSM.  Tangentially, I've had chasers message me who want to be "force pozzed" (which sounds like a variant of classic CNC R-play).

CNC seems considered a bit of the "black sheep" of BDSM - a core tenet of BDSM is consent, whereas CNC role-plays a lack of consent, even though from what I've read, the parties involved have consented to the CNC roll play.

My experience with BDSM involved very structured conversations around limits, non-negotiables, having a safe-word, commitments from the Dom about my safety, etc.  I was used and my limits were met, but it wasn't CNC - I had agreed to proceed up to some very extreme points

In questions below I'm going to say that the DOM = R'ist = violator and the SUB = violated, victim

1. Is CNC more for the benefit of the Dom, and the Sub is playing the role to satisfy the Dom?  If it were me, I'd think it much easier to believe the scenario of I were the Dom.  I think I could act the role of the Sub, but I don't think I could get myself to the point where I believed or felt like it was R happening to me.  
2. Are there safe words used in CNC?
3. Can CNC be done with random hookups?  How does this work?  How do you R someone without coordination/prior awareness?  I see a lot of bottoms who want to live out the R fantasy but I wanna know how that would work.
4. Is it just a roll playing thing for both Dom and Sub?
5. Is "forced pozzing" a form of CNC?  As it's been described to me by chasers, this the chaser saying to the guy "yes, I'll come hook up with you" but then the Dom forces the Sub to take a infectious load and forcing him to convert.  This isn't my jam at all, but I do always wonder if this is some type of escapism for the chaser where they have deniability they actually wanted to convert.  So it may be different than CNC.

Anyone gotten in to this?  

 

[Leatherman667]

What is CNC?

[PozToxVersPig]

14 minutes ago, Leatherman667 said:

What is CNC?

[think before following links] https://domsubliving.com/bdsm-cnc-kink-consensual-non-consent/

[leatherpunk16]

6 hours ago, Leatherman667 said:

What is CNC?

Cookies N Cream

(I am SO not helpful.)

[Leatherman667]

5 hours ago, PozToxVersPig said:

[think before following links] [think before following links] https://domsubliving.com/bdsm-cnc-kink-consensual-non-consent/

Thanks for this. 

[PozToxVersPig]

7 minutes ago, leatherpunk16 said:

Cookies N Cream

(I am SO not helpful.)

Ya know what though @leatherpunk16 - this made me laugh out loud....seriously.

[norefusal]

well, it's good that we all get to do what works for us and not be restricted by rules set for others. 

for me, this isn't such a black sheep. BDSM is largely CNC. other than maybe a bar fight, when else are we like "ok, now you hit me hard and i'm gonna enjoy it" 😜

i do it w friends where we pretend they break in to the house not realizing i'm home n napping. they then tie me up and "force" me to bottom for them. the only time ive used my safe word is one time one of them got a bit too eager w the taser on my nuts. 

anyways, the whole CNC thing is up for interpretation imho. i've had peeps on here tell me getting really rough fucked isn't CNC and honestly i don't see the difference. is it verbal rape talk? because most actual rape doesn't come w verbal "i'm raping you" talk. 

this one dl str8 guy that sometimes rough fucks me if i'm blindfolded fucks me so angrily it sure feels like CNC to me. but rape is in the eye of the victim. and if it feels like i'm getting raped but i'm enjoying it, who's to say it's not CNC just because it didn't fit some rule i don't know about. 

[PozToxVersPig]

Four different sites referred to it as "the black sheep" or "controversial and not widely accepted" fringe part of BDSM....I didn't make it up.

I was simply asking questions seeking to understand.  I hope it didn't come off like I was restricting via my rules.  That's not the case.

[norefusal]

7 minutes ago, PozToxVersPig said:

Four different sites referred to it as "the black sheep" or "controversial and not widely accepted" fringe part of BDSM....I didn't make it up.

I was simply asking questions seeking to understand.  I hope it didn't come off like I was restricting via my rules.  That's not the case.

not at all. i'm just saying for me personally i don't see the fuss. but i get that so much of sexual assault is subjective including difference of opinion between the two involved as to weather it was consensual or not. 

strictly speaking you could say my sat night wasn't CNC because we didn't discuss it beforehand. i also suppose my letting him come back for more is consent. and the follow up DMs of "come back anytime" wouldn't help a case 😜

but i'm probably a bdsm weirdo anyways because i'm most turned on by the nonconcentual stuff. 😈

[PozToxVersPig]

@norefusal curious about your thoughts on this.  And thanks for the back and stuff.   Context:  so I'm poz/detectable (qualified gifter), I get hit up by chasers ALL the time.  I'm pretty restrictive about the ones that I'll consider messing around with namely that they seem serious, considered, and thoughtful about this decision and have taken steps beyond just contact me that indicates they are actually chasing.  I can tell you more about this if you want.

Anyway - I've been writing about my own BDSM fully immersed 6-day submission experience recently, and part of BDSM is being clear and aligned on limits/no-gos, and my primary Dom in my situation had spent a month gathering information.  Leading to a final conversation with me after I had indicated interest in participating.  We sat down for about 45 minutes and he made notes about what limits/no gos.  

Not everyone would have to do this exercise (e.g. a once and done anon fuck), but if you want, as the Chaser does, a multi-day experience (i own and control fri night - sun night, have full authority within limits, he has safeword) then he needs to identity his limits and we'll connect well prior to the fuck session to discuss and agree.

So this is how I shaped it.  Three of my very sex-active friends got this as well and they all said, "this is kinda cool sitting down and writing this out" - 

Curious about your thoughts....template below with bogus example.

Again this isn't for a random hookup - it's for someone that's looking for something more significant and potentially spans many days in a row, or days spread out over a period of time.
----------------------

OKAY SO FORMAT IS

LIKES / PREFERENCES - things you like and want to do
DISLIKES / DON'T PREFER - stuff you don't really like but are not off limits and are willing to do
NON NEGOTIABLE NO'S - absolutely not!

For each item you list, if there is a limit, include it.  You can put as many or as few things as you want in each section (PREFERENCE, DISLIKE, NO)., e.g.

PREFERENCE:

• All Bareback / No Condom Breeding (limit 10000 per day, NO CONDOMS accepted) *the limit of 10000 today is there for exaggeration
• butt plugs and toys (top should be respectful of bottoms size limitations at that moment, goal is to go the distance, not cause damage or extreme pain)
• HIV Status preferred in this order:  HIV +detectable, HIV+ meds/undetectable, HIV-

DISLIKE:

• women (gender assigned at birth) (limit XXXXXX)
•  

NO's:  

• double penetration by horses
• dressing me in women's clothing or lingerie

Take your time.  Me and an a dude who's first in line when my dick is healed did this over last few days cuz he's basically gonna let me own him from Friday night to Sunday night once dick is done healing but I made it very clear he has no say in what happens other than what he rights here.

[Sfmike64]

8 hours ago, norefusal said:

well, it's good that we all get to do what works for us and not be restricted by rules set for others. 

for me, this isn't such a black sheep. BDSM is largely CNC. other than maybe a bar fight, when else are we like "ok, now you hit me hard and i'm gonna enjoy it" 😜

i do it w friends where we pretend they break in to the house not realizing i'm home n napping. they then tie me up and "force" me to bottom for them. the only time ive used my safe word is one time one of them got a bit too eager w the taser on my nuts. 

anyways, the whole CNC thing is up for interpretation imho. i've had peeps on here tell me getting really rough fucked isn't CNC and honestly i don't see the difference. is it verbal rape talk? because most actual rape doesn't come w verbal "i'm raping you" talk. 

this one dl str8 guy that sometimes rough fucks me if i'm blindfolded fucks me so angrily it sure feels like CNC to me. but rape is in the eye of the victim. and if it feels like i'm getting raped but i'm enjoying it, who's to say it's not CNC just because it didn't fit some rule i don't know about. 

If anything exemplifies the statement "don't yuck someone's yum," it's this. Don't set rules for other people. What turns you on and works for you aren't anyone else's business if you're not fucking that person. When someone says "you're not doing <name of kink> right," and it doesn't involve a safety issue  then they should shut up, IMHO. 

[PozToxVersPig]

17 minutes ago, Sfmike64 said:

If anything exemplifies the statement "don't yuck someone's yum," it's this. Don't set rules for other people. What turns you on and works for you aren't anyone else's business if you're not fucking that person. When someone says "you're not doing <name of kink> right," and it doesn't involve a safety issue  then they should shut up, IMHO. 

@Sfmike64 appreciate you sharing you voice on this! 🙂 You have firmly made "don't yuck someone's yum" part of my vernacular.  I had never heard it prior to you recently, and I actually used it out in the world yesterday!