I'm going to try being sub for a change. Any advice?

[hntnhole]

2 hours ago, KneelerForDoms said:

that is, through setting limits

Assuming a hookup with a 'new' bottom I hadn't interacted with prior, I operate on a different "plane", in that each man has equal agency when meeting for negotiating the planned scene.  Frankly, I've never heard of a Bd/Sm/Leather scene where the bottom "sets" the limits.  The "limits" - or acts that will or will not take place - is the entire purpose of the "negotiation", and each man has 100% equal agency at that time.  Neither man has any more (or less) power over the other; it's nothing more than a negotiation of what will and what will not take place during the scene.  Total honestly is expected and assumed.  The Bd/Sm/Leather Community in any particular area is likely to be fairly small (limited in number), and word of any kind of violation of the limits will get around like wildfire, be investigated, and the man that commits the violation (if any) will lose any respect he may have enjoyed within that community.  That's called "peer-pressure at it's most effective". 

If an impasse becomes un-negotiable, (meaning agreement to limits/terms/whatever cannot be reached), each man thanks the other for his time, says something positive towards the other, and they part company.  

[Eagerindayton]

7 hours ago, URS2USE said:

i have been a sub for two past Owners and have been taught a LOT during each Ownership about being a good sub.  Yes, i agree that safe words are essential, plus limits and building up trust in each other are important as well.  But i have to disagree with the statement i quoted above.  A sub's "job" is to surrender, submit and serve it's Dom/me, not to try and "Top" from the bottom.  If my Dom/me wants to blindfold me, tie me to a tree out in the backyard and invite friends over using me as a centerpiece for a party (and W/e have mutually agreed on this), then it is Their choice, PERIOD!  A good sub surrenders it's power to it's Dom/me.

When i would go into a session, i went in knowing that i would submit to my Dom/me's wishes and would be honored and thankful for Their attention.  my "power" was never an option.

Thank you for your input. I would consider myself lucky to have him make me service his friends. Thanks 

[Eagerindayton]

6 hours ago, KneelerForDoms said:

The sub exerts "negative power." that is, through setting limits, the sub constrains the dom from certain behaviors. The sub also retains the power to withdraw consent (another form of negative power). The dominant partner's authority exists inside the limits granted. The sub doesn't direct what happens, but they effect what doesn't happen.

Negative power is different from covert control (i.e. topping from the power). Negative power doesn't mean disguised methods of steering outcome. That's not subbing.  

Thanks for responding . I agree with everything you said.