"Why Gay Sex Feels Empty (Even When it Feels Good)"

[tallslenderguy]

Thought i'd share this with the BZ community. i need to re-watch, not sure i agree with all of his conclusions, but He is pretty damned cute and maybe naked (love the cowboy hat)... which can distract from content.  

Kidding aside, i appreciate that He is discussing the topic of gay sex, hook-up culture, in more of an examining way vs judgmental, and also manages to bring some research to the discussion (with links).  Haven't looked at the research, so cannot attest to the quality of the cited studies, but appreciate the added layer of possible evidence to assertions He is making. Hope  y'all will find it worthwhile ❤️

 

[tallslenderguy]

i'll be the first to respond with some of my own thoughts and feelings. i'm convinced that there is no such thing as "just sex."  i know, i may be wrong, but so far am not convinced we can totally fragment our emotional self from our sexual self.  i do think we can parse that connection down though.  i believe i have gotten some form or degree of emotional nurture from every sexual encounter i've had with Guys, even though it may not have been emotionally fulfilling. And that would be the distinction i would make, i think our emotional self (well, all of our self really) is made up of pieces that fit together to form our whole self. i think one of the reasons we seek out sex is to connect some of those pieces with another, and i am not convinced it's ever "just sex" (i.e just physical). i can only speak for myself,  but if i am being completely honest with myself, i think there is always an emotional component that is indeed being nurtured. 

This is a complex topic, i don't presume fully grasp it or have any hard, absolute conclusions.  The last 6 years i have had the experience of an ongoing FB (i frequently talk about Him in the "last load" thread).  my experience with Him has shown me a lot about myself.  We have sex 2-4x a week for about six years now. He's Bi, on the DL and we have very little in common. i'm really big on communication, He's very quiet and rarely shows His emotional self... except during the actual sex. He's very vocal during sex, but as soon as He has an orgasm (always, our sex always culminates with Him breeding me, probably about 1000  times by now), He withdraws and takes a shower. After He showers He always asks: "you good?"  And i always reply honestly how incredible i feel. i've shared a lot with Him about my psychosexual make up, He has shared very little. So, most of my understanding of Him is reading between the lines, and the fact that He is and has always been the one to initiate (since He is on the DL, i always wait for Him to text). From the outside looking in, our relationship could easily be labeled "just sex."  We do not socialize together, we don't have much in common to base that on, but we have a decided bond that i think is both physical and emotional... at least, it is for me. One big thing i have found is, as long as i get to connect with Him at least 2x a week (it's usually 3-4x), i do not feel the need to have sex with another Guy.  i do still get horny, but for me, that is a big part of my 'bottom' wiring... i.e., being "horny" and maintaining that desire/need for a Guy Who has a reciprocating need/desire to penetrate and breed. As long as i am receiving His orgasm inside of me often enough, i do not feel the need to get that from someone else.  If He skips a week or so for a variety of reasons, i feel my need coming back. i also continue to be on some apps and have a profile out there, so i know/believe that i still would like to have more emotional bond with Someone, but i am very grateful for what i have also, and would not be cavalier about giving it up. That is one thing we have both touched on. He told me a couple of years ago that if He found a woman, He'd no longer hook with me... but that has never happened. He used to have a GF, but has not had one for years. Yet, last year when He vacationed with friends in Mexico, they hooked up with women...  and i think He has occasional hook up sex with women, He'll occasionally casually allude to. But i believe Him when He tells me i'm His only guy hook up (though it would not matter to me if i learned otherwise).  

None of this fits the traditional heteronormative mold most of us have been culturally conditioned by.  Am  interested to read others thoughts, feelings and experiences. ❤️

[NWUSHorny]

1 hour ago, tallslenderguy said:

but He is pretty damned cute and maybe naked (love the cowboy hat)... which can distract from content.  

Based on the rock color and formations, he may be in Dream Canyon near Boulder, which is a nudist area and has gay hookup spots. I've done a lot of hooking up in Dream Canyon, so it is doubling my distraction.

I need to watch the rest of the video before I make any comments on his analysis.

[yoursinmine]

There's more substance and context even my bf fucks me, but empty is what it is for the men he brings over. It's part of the draw for me. I love the contrast of this super intimate thing being done with random guys I don't know who don't care and get to do whatever they want to me.

But I also understand that everyone is different and I may change and want different things too

[NWUSHorny]

I'm not sure I'm really qualified to comment. To the best of my knowledge I haven't been driven to seek more casual hookups because I felt lonely and depressed. I've also never been a partier so I have not established a connection between substances and sex, while I do drink occasionally I've never even tried to hookup when I was completely inebriated.