This morning I was laying in bed jacking off to porn on my phone and I just had this intense urge to stop taking PrEP – to just be done with sitting on the fence and choose to actually be poz. I know if I go off it now there's a good chance I'll get pozzed when I'm in Key West & Ft. Lauderdale. I mean I'm advertising for toxic tops, so there's a greater chance risk will find me… 

So my heart wants to be poz, but I think my rational side will prevail – at least to a point. I'll skip my pills today (as I have a few days in the past week), but then take it the next few days before leaving on the trip on Sunday (and leaving my pills in NYC). That'll give me at least minimal protection. But a big part of me is asking if I'm willing to go this far, why not go further?

Then the question is how much PrEP I'll take when I get back from my trip. There's the question of the first day or two, and then what to do moving forward. We'll have to see what feels right at that point. I'm not sure there's any point in taking it the first day or two. I probably won't have having additional sex those days. Truvada is designed to stop HIV from infecting you, it's not designed to stop replication. So if I'm infected on the trip, I don't know that Truvada could stop the infection – just slow it down. But I do go in for my quarterly PrEP screening the day after I get back (including an HIV test)… Though I doubt that test would come back poz even if I were infected since it's so soon after exposure. 

Right now I think I'll move forward with pretty minimal PrEP. I'm thinking never more than 2 days in a row. And only take it when I have sex. So if I've been a good cumdump and have taken anonymous loads (or loads from guys who I know little about) in the past 10 days, then I'll be allowed to take it the night before I have plans to take multiple anon loads. Otherwise just take it the night after taking a stranger's load, and the following day if I didn't take it the day before and I got multiple loads. So basically never more than 2 in a row, 0 pills for known fuck buds who are shooting blanks (undetectable or on PrEP), 1 pill after a single load, and 2 pills for multiple loads.

I've also been thinking about my 50th birthday which is coming up in a month or two. There's a CumUnion party the night before. I'm thinking I'll go so I can ring in my birthday with a cummy ass. And no PrEP will be allowed for that night of sex (or a couple days before). After all, if someone wants to give me a birthday gift, taking PrEP would be like refusing their gift, which is sorta rude…