Our culture has the strange dichotomy of valuing humility yet paying attention to braggadocio. Usually, when someone makes a claim like, "I am the greatest!" we aren't going to take him at his word - we expect him to prove it with a TKO in the third round. Advertisers have become so accustomed to using superlatives that if a motel calls itself "Best Value" we don't stop to think about whether it actually is the best value, we just assume it's cheap and we don't turn on a black light in the room. Ever.

So how does a guy go about letting other guys know that he gives good ass without making himself sound (a) like a braggart (b) like a narcissist (c) insufferable or (d) desperate?

Indeed, if one gave great ass, how would one personally know? Autofellatio is one thing (been there) but auto-fucking, at least to the point of credible critique, is not possible.

The only way to know is to rely on the reports of those who have experienced it, and the only way to convey it to others in an honest and unbiased way is to share those reports without embellishment or modification. Kind of like a Consumer Reports for Ass.

For myself, the best thing I can do is relate the events of a day at my favorite camp:

One day at camp, I was leaned over a picnic table, and another guy was seated on one of its benches. He was giving head, I was giving ass. I didn't know him, but we were a pretty good full-service team that day. The guys who only wanted head went to him. The guys who wanted to fuck took me. Sometimes he warmed them up and then passed them along. Every now and then he would lean over and mutter to me, "Here comes a big one." He had a habit of understatement.

They were a lively bunch, with a spirit of camaraderie and joie de vivre among them - it wasn't one of those weird gang-fucks that happens in darkened silence, but a chatty affair that suggested that the men were at their ease. The atmosphere seemed to encourage them to express their views, and I was so taken (well, yes) that after it was all over I actually wrote down what I could remember of it, mostly because it was flattering, but also because I was pretty sure no one would ever believe me.

As I was being ass-fucked, this is what I heard:

"Your ass is amazing!"
"Ohh, my fucking God, I do NOT believe this."
"Shit, man, where did you learn to do that?"
"Guys, this is the sweetest ass you are ever going to fuck."
"Oh, that is good, good man-pussy."
"OH, YES. You are going to be my fuck toy all. night. long."
"Holy Mother of Fuck."
"I don't believe it. I just came, and I'm a total bottom."
"Oh, yeah - His cum as lube for my cock in your ass... OH FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!"
"Kentucky throroughbred ass."
"Oh my God, he's milking my cock..."
"I hope that ass gets fucked regularly."
"Dude. Best ass ever, man."

After a while there was a lull in the action and everyone except my head-giving buddy and me cleared out. He looked at me oddly for a second, then got up, circled around me, dropped his pants, and fucked me until he came. Then he sat back down and said, "So that's what that was all about."

All the others could be written off as the jabberings of men in the throes of a sexual haze, but this guy was from Consumer Reports, testing the product. His comment is the proof. I give great ass.

If I say so myself.