To the inner child that says no. 

 

Recently, a guy that I’ve been dating—James—mentioned a certain characteristic of mine. One that I’ve noticed for a long time, but never really found the words for.

An inner rebellious nature.

One that often makes me do the opposite of what someone tells me to do.

 

I’ve noticed this trigger in particular phrases—

“You should…”

“You must…”

If I hear those words, you can bet that the instant you turn your back, I’m doing the complete opposite.

 

And I sat in that space for a while.

And I thought to myself, why do I do this?

 

A good friend once mentioned something about my growing up experience.

Maybe there was a time in my life when society—or maybe my parents—laid out the blueprint. The life plan. The one I followed obediently for years.

Until one day

I didn’t.

 

Maybe that was the day I decided to take control of my own life. My own agency.

And since then, I’ve been quietly rebelling against the world, one decision at a time.

I like to make my own choices.

And when other people—especially people I care about, like my partners—tell me to do something, I usually don’t.

 

Which, as you can imagine, can be problematic.

Especially when it comes from a place of love.

Of safety.

Of wanting the best for me.

 

This is an evolving space for me.

Recognizing the trigger.

Finding a way to let the people who love me steer me away from the rocks I might be sailing toward—without making me feel like they’ve taken the wheel.

 

Because I notice I respond well to suggestions.

To invitations.

To logic.

 

Phrases like:

“Have you ever thought of…?”

“What are your thoughts on…?”

“What does this mean to you?”

“What’s your take on…?”

 

They help.

They make me feel like I’m being asked, not instructed.

Like I’m being met halfway.

And if their reasoning makes sense—if it aligns with who I am—then I’ll most likely follow.

Not because they told me to.

But because I chose to.

 

But, and here’s a big but,

if their logic doesn’t hold up against my own values,

then I’ll probably stick to my beliefs.

 

Still—

for that moment—

we shared the same space together.

 

And that, I think, is a good start.