Hello beautiful,

It is Friday night and I am home all alone, and you know what? It doesn’t feel bad or lonely at all. It feels nice. I just got off a two-hour phone call with Johnny and caught him up on all the wild things that are happening in my life, and afterwards, I felt a sense of closeness with him and a dopamine rush as well. That feeling of being mattered. That I exist.

After watching recent movies like Dear Evan Hansen and Thunderbolts, where the theme is loneliness and being mattered to the world, being seen by someone—even someone who once wasn’t close in my life—is a wonderful feeling, buddy.

I think I’ll take a page from Steve’s book (who is quite traditional in his thinking) and start making more phone calls with people now instead of just sending text messages. Text messages used to be good, but they take time to write and compose, and sometimes you can get through a lot just by talking to someone for a few minutes. The only problem is, though, that phone calls with me are hardly just a few minutes. They usually last about an hour, even unintentionally. So my biggest worry is that if the phone calls consistently last too long, would people stop wanting to talk with me because they don’t have that much time to spare? Because they lead such busy lives?

Another problem I have with phone calls is that some people like to multitask. For instance, I was talking to this guy named James and he would sometimes clean his room or something while talking, and it would be distracting to me because I’d hear every little noise he made, from the shuffling of papers to boxes being moved around. Even my mum cooks and washes dishes while talking on the phone, and it makes me wonder if their lives are so busy that they can’t set aside time for you. Sometimes it makes me think it’s a big ask for someone to give you an hour of their time. But then I also think, if they value the friendship enough, they could spare an hour to connect with you? I’m still working on figuring this one out, and I hope I gain better clarity with time.

In other news, I went to Coles today because on Fridays and weekends now, I want to treat myself to eating something new to break up my very boring bulking diet. Coles has these packaged roast lamb legs that you just pop in the oven for 30 minutes, and you cook rice on the side. It’s pretty cheap too, and there are a lot of options I want to try out. I think it would be a great way to cook something when inviting guys over for a date. Plus, I have these really nice plates that make everything look super classy.

It’s past midnight and I think I’ll practice a bit more piano before bedtime tonight.

Love you always. Chat soon xx